twitterpation?

Not sure. So the past 2 days Mr. 3 has spent probably 5-6 hours with me and countless emails back and forth. And he is coming down for Thanksgiving (I couldn't bear the thought of him all alone) anyway, people in the office say there are sparks, I am not sure what to think, but I like him a lot and if anything I have a really good friend. You know, I think that I am a rather boring person, but I seem to manage to have incredibly long conversation with random people, so maybe I am not as boring as I feel. or...I just annoy everyone and they are too nice to tell me..

as promised, buying an IPOD with my boss.

Don't get me wrong, i love "I' to death, but he is one of those scatterbrained people, brilliant but a little ditsy with things. Anyway, there is this website that he loves with Arabic music, he listens to it all the time, and on occasion Kate and I have been pulled into his office to sing along..silly, but normal for around here. Last Friday he decided that he wanted to record the songs that he listens to and play them anywhere at anytime. So he went down to the U. bookstore and bought a digital voice recorder. which was really nice and it also became my job to figure out. but it is just a voice recorder and the sound quality was shit. We told him that what he really wanted was an IPOD, so I went down with him to the bookstore to make an exchange. He insisted that he handle everything, fine, but man, he was just on one. He was introducing himself to everyone under the sun and trying to negoiate deals and such....behavior that would have been fine in a bazaar but more like a circus in a store in Middle America. He kept saying money is no pbject----never never never say that to a clerk in a store..he only had a vague idea of what he needed and they were trying to sell him things that he would never use. that excursion was easily $500, not to mention him talking to the coupon vendor people in the store and buying there book thingys...that was $30 down the hole in which I again get to figure them out. I have 2 now..and he bought truffles for the office that was probably another 20-30. I guess if you have the money, spend it, but wow, that was a ride. Later in the day he prided himself on how he handled the whole transaction with me only saying a few words...those words being.."he wants an IPOD, 40 gig, with a car adaptor and a voice adaptor" This is something that he won't use, and can't figure out..well he can but it is just easier to have Kate and I do it. We did have fun figuring it out..

in other things..I went to the dentist this morning...NO MORE APPOINTMENTS FOR ME!!!! yeah, it is all finished! except today he hit a nerve or something, so my mouth hurts, and I stillhav ethe stroke victim thing going on this morning, I can't pronouce my own name right when I anser the phone...I hope the novacaine wears off soon.

and my knee doesn't hurt!!

I was worried that it might be since the last time I taught kurdish wedding dances it hurt to walk for a couple of days...goofy knee dance..all in all it went really well.

other than that, not too much to say. Today was looking to be pretty damn boring, but Mr.3 (who might actually read this every once in a while so he will remain nameless) came by and we just talked for something like 2 hours, which was very enjoyable. It is very interesting how much you can learn about someone just from small things that they drop in conversation. I am not sure how I am doing flirting wise, but we seem to be heading in a pretty solid friendship zone.

and today is also a short day-or it just feels like one. I had nothing to accomplish today, and I have actually made a lot of progress on a project that no one but myself cares about but if I do it it will impress everyone. In lieu of lunch I am leaving at 4. Mom is in town for a meeting and I am going to go for an early dinner with her and maybe some errands..yes, I know, the excitement...can you handle it? But maybe I will leave you with a teaser for what is to come tomorrow..."I" and the IPOD, an episode of pure hilarity.

oh, too funny..

so I have a stat counter thing on the blog and every once in a while I check it to see if anyone besides myself reads this. Well if someone does an internet search and my site comes up it will tell me what keywords they used. So apparently someone in Lahore Pakistan did a search (and looked at my site!) using the keywords "turkish fucking girls"...maybe my site is racier than I thought.

today looks to be a fairly quiet day. Last night I went to see "3 sisters" by Anton Chekov (Libby was the lightboard operator and I got free tickets) it was very very sad, very Russian...very very Chekov. I liked it though. Tonight I am going to go and teach a local bellydance toupe Kurdish wedding dances steps. This will be my second time teaching them. They are a really cool group, the focus less on the entertainment aspect of bellydance and teach their audiences about the history of the dances themselves, which I like. When I used to perform the group I was with focused on the cabaret aspect of it, in the trashy sense, than of the sensual side of it. So sorry boys, Delal no longer performs in public ;)

On the work front, "I" in his new 'every day is a good day' philosophy bought truffles for the office and anyone who comes by...it must have cost him a lot, but since the candy dish lives on my desk so does this tray and man, the smell of chocolate is overpowering...so much that they don't even sound appetitizing..and me not wanting to eat chocolate is really odd.
this weekend is MESA (middle East studies association) and before the bug changed jobs within the department she was going to go. but when she switched to acedemic advisor "I" said that she couldn't go. a fit was thrown and he decided to let her go. fine fine..I am the only one in the office who isn't going and I really want to. on monday I will be the sole person here. however the bug informs me today that she is not going to go because she can't afford to (the center paid for her ticket). this isn't a spur of the moment thing, she waited until 2 days before she goes to tell everyone? So now, on Monday, it will be me and the bug. She is going to be annoying me all day, uck.

Hot Chocolate

The other day, the only reason why I got up and went to work was because I knew that I could get hot chocolate in the office. Silly reason I know, but in the mornings it can be a pretty heated discussion with myself to get moving. This summer JB complained and whined for almost a full week that she was craving hot chocolate. Did she do anything about it? No, just whined. So in an effort to be nice (I was still trying to at that time) I brought in some extra mix that I had from my home. This stuff wasn't the cheap stuff either. Anyway JB was happy and stopped whining. But when I got to the office yesterday, the hot chocolate container was gone. Now when we are out or even if it looks like we are low on something, everyone tells me...in the case of JB she would throw the empty items of whatever she needed on my desk. No one told me that we were out of hot chocolate, so my only conclusion is that someone stole it, most likely JB because she is an excellent scapegoat and also the primary suspect. I was pretty bummed. Today I brought some crappy brand stuff that I had gotten as an xmas gift last year, but I also brought some super nice stuff which is going to live in my desk. JB's daughter still hangs around and it wouldn't surprise me if she pinched it too.

I know that a lot of people were saddened when JB left, because my blog just wasn't that interesting anymore...but never fear! June will fill that spot pretty nicely. Now June has been here forever, and although she has annoyed me on occasion, she has always worked on the other side of the hall and wasn't in my face all the time like JB. But now that she has taken over Beth's job she is becoming a pretty constant annoyance, that I can't shake off. Apparently she is under the impression that I know how to do her job. I don't, and I don't want to know. Beth would come and talk to me about stuff because we were friends. June on the other hand, seems to think that I am her new consultant and gopher. I beg to differ. We had a meeting the other day, June, Kate and I to talk about whose job was what, etc.. All I wanted to know was when June was going to take lunches so that I can work around that. Beth was my back-up on phones and when someone has to always answer the phones, having a back-up becomes very very important. After this meeting I was just filled with dread, because she doesn't seem to be catching on that she has to be accountable in the office.
One of the perks of our job is that if there is a lecture we are sponsoring, we get to go to it, on work time. Last week, because our events coordinator was sick, I had to set up an event about the whole Arafat thing. Now if I do all of the leg-work for setting up this huge panel discussion, I should get to see it, right? Well someone has to answer the phones, and June went without telling me that she was. So I had to stay in the office. I wasn't that upset in the beginning, but the more I thought about it the more annoyed I was. I set it up, I should have gone...but June hasn't gotten it yet, that we have to coordinate these things in the office, we can't just close up shop. Today there is a discussion group that I would like to go to. It isn't often that I want to go to these things..I very rarely go. But this morning I called June to ask if she would cover phones and she announces that she is going as well, fine great...but when was she going to tell anyone else in the office this? She also went to a meeting today and didn't tell anybody, what are we supposed to do if she has students who need to speak to her? Hummm? Maybe these things will be ironed out later but probably not...she and JB have the same personality. I should think of another name to call her, because she seems to have the same sixth sense that JB did when I was writing about her. She has been in here 4 times since I started writing...I think that I will call her "the bug" after the junebug which she seems to like.

Odd suscispion about the bug...I wonder if she drinks on the job. Either that or she uses a lot of mouthwash in the middle of the day. She came in a few minutes ago and wheeuw, I wasn't expecting that, it was very very strong. And it isn't a regular thing, but I have definitely smelt it on at least 2 other occasions.

damnit to hell and back...

so I finally got around to calling Hydro Air, wondering when they were going to start things up again....as december and those loan payments begin to loom closer...and do you know what I hear.."Oh, we are not going to do that anymore." Ah, yeah, well, when were they going to tell all of their workers who are "on call", like me who have been keeping their evenings open just for them? God, what happened to integrity? I wouldn't have been upset if I was told earlier, hell, even if I was told. I shouldn't have had to ask. At this rate I will be lucky if I manage to find a christmas time job at all! This is just hopeless! I am in a state where you are a cross between absolutely livid, and completely dispondant. What the hell am I gonna do now?!

Start over from the beginning, I guess.

how dinner and a day off went

Well on Thursday I left work around 3, and out of curiousity I checked my work email today, and well....I think a lot of the professors are so used to be being there every second of the day that they were a little disappointed. But it was heaven to leave work that early. Even though the weather up the pass was unpredictable (sunny, rain, heavy heavy rain, sleet, snow--a little car slipping action with that one--back to rain and then sunny) I smiled the whole way.

Dinner yesterday was later than what I had wanted it to be. According to my timetable -and yes I am that anal that I made a time table for cooking- I needed to start making the bread by 12:30 at the latest, but with waiting for my mom to get up and dressed and the go to the grocery store with me (parents paid for the food) I didn't get started until one. Disaster wise, it was very minimum...my dad burned some of the kebabs, but that really isn't my fault, I did burn my right hand and I have blisters, but at least I didn't drop anything or cut myself. But since I did burn my hand, I opted out of making the flaky griddle bread with cheese filing because my hand hurt so much, not to mention being behind on the time table. But even with that, we had an abundance of food (yummy leftovers for lunch today!), my father liked the food (he is Mr. "Foreign food, yuck!") in fact he had a second helping of rice--I almost died. So here was the menu--with everything being made from scratch:

-Hummus
-pita bread
-spinach and feta borek
-salad
-this eggy dish with tomatoes and green peppers that I can never remember the name of, but absolutley love
-beef kebabs
-rice pilaf
-rice pudding

I think that was all of it..either way I am the domestic queen!!

Later today, it is off to my dad's store...It's Family Shopping Night at Kmart! This is probably one of the biggest traditions in my family, and the reason why I did the Eid dinner a day early. Now if only I could get that frigging phone card to put my call through to the UK, this weekend would be perfect.

2 Unusual phonecalls...

Phone call number 1!

Recently my father has been cracking down on employees who aren't doing their jobs. He's the boss, that is what he is supposed to do. And honestly, he lets people get away with a lot before he does any offical write-ups. So this week he has done several...and whoever they are, boy are they mad, and petty vindictive. Someone called my mom yesterday from a pay-phone, and informed my mom that my father was having an affair with his sister (who apparently is "happily married with 2 kids"), and he advised my mom to make my father leave this woman alone. He wouldn't tell my mom his name or the sister that my father is supposedly messing around with. He just told my mom that my father "would know who it is". Ooohhh. scary. what a bastard. First of all the idea of my father having an affair, especially with an employee, just sends my mom and I into fits of laughter. But the deeper issue that disturbs my mom (and my dad) is that there is someone out there who because they were reprimanded at work, attempts to destroy my family. welcome to small town Utah. at the time my mom was in such shock that she didn't have time to be angry at the person, but if he calls back she is ready for them. as for suspects we have it down to 2. my mom worries that if whoever this person is, is willing to do this for being written up what they would do if say they were fired. back in the 80's, there were a couple instances where disgruntled Kmart employees had taken managers hostage...it was really bad. so as a safety precaution we haven't had our phone number listed for years, but when we moved, my dad decided that it should be alright to have it listed again. nope, guess not.

Phone call number2!!

4:40 am, the phone rings...who could it be? As I am staggering to the phone imagining that someone in my family had died or something...I answer only to find out that it is.......the suspense has to build up.....Erol! my ex-boyfriend and almost fiance from the small village of Koltepe, Turkey! Tah Da! Who else in the world would constantly forget that there is a time difference. But much to my surprise my turkish proved quite functional even that early in the morning, enough to find out that my family and his family were well, tell him all about Chuck's and Marco new children, and let him know that I wasn't sure if I was going to come to Turkey anytime soon. Not bad for a 2 minute phone call. He called back at 5 to ask another question about Chuck, and doublecheck to see if he heard me right that I was fasting, apparently he has forgotten I was Muslim. But jeez, I thought that I was doing well, he hadn't called in a couple of years...it took a couple of years for it to finally get across to him that I wasn't going to marry him, but I thought that it finally took. maybe he was hoping that with a little more time I would come around and run into his arms and say "oh Erol my darling, I should have married you when I was 19 and naive...and then I could have brought you to the US, where you could have gotten a low-level job like a janitor and have me support your lazy ass for the rest of your life!" I am sure that for those who don't know the whole situation, that may comments might seem a little heartless, afterall he is just a poor Kurdish village boy, why couldn't I just love him? The fact is that I did love him, very deeply once. I have a picture of him that lives in the lining of my CD case, every once in a while it falls out and I think of him, however love and marriage in the United States and love and marriage in Turkey is drastically different. and a young girl with a flashing neon "get your green card here" on my forehead, with no family to represent her, in what I found out later to be marriage nogioatiations is not prepared for such a thing, not to mention more personal matters that transpired between us.

however, I will probably write an email to Erol and to abayim Aziz seeing how they are. because even though Erol annoys me, I should try to keep in touch with people more...and yes Hiwa, I will call you, most likely Friday evening your time.

I am a wire pulled taut

ready to break.

It is amazing how one thing sets you off, and your patience for anything else is gone. Now I haven't taken anything out on anyone, but then again I am the only one here. And it is important to let you know, that I am not going to cry or anything, just cause someone physical harm. What a good day today would be for JB to visit..

Mushira (head of Lang & Lit) was the Catalyst. She was instructing one of her underlings to do something that was my job. And originally from my point of view, it looked like she was making major decisions about the arabic program that should be handled jointly. So I went to "I". Apparently he thinks that this is some sort of a battle with her, but it isn't...I just want him to make sure that she understands the status quo. Nothing too big, and I don't think that I would be half as mad at her if she hadn't hit me wrong from last week. If we see this as a battle, I won. Chalk one up to me.

But now, I am just on edge. I would really like to take a very long break, maybe actually take my lunch for once. Since Ramadan started, I haven't been doing anything lunch-wise just working straight through and racking up the comp time. I am sure that you are thinking, well, why don't you just take a break. I can't. I am the only one here. Linda and June, who don't normally answer the phones, and most of the time can't hear them anyway, are at lunch. Kate is in a meeting, and probably now at lunch with "I". And Rebecca has been awol for a day or so now, leaving little ol' me alone in the center to answer phones and generally keep the place running.

I keep telling myself just to sit and breath deeply, but it works for about 30 seconds, and then it is gone. When the phone rings I have to steel myself so that I can sound nice and all. Even when people I want to talk to come in (such as the fair Richard/Abdullah who lingered for quite a while attempting to make conversation) I just can't give them the attention that I want because I am as annoyed as I am. On the upside, I have been incredibly productive today, even with the server being down.
Hopefully, someone will come by soon to relieve me before I flip out on some poor unsuspecting person.

Today I did stuff and then I didn't do stuff. That is not a contradiction but rather a stark look at the life of a secretary...if I match conventional secretaries in their work load and production.

Instead of driving back last night from my parents, I decided to drive up this morning. But in order to be at work on time, it meant that I had to leave at 5am. I am the queen of taking 10 minutes in the morning to get dressed! So I guess that is one of the things that I did manage to do. I also made a new logo for the office, scheduled individual appointments for "I" entire seminar on ME politics class, backed up my computer, updated the website and the mailing lists...but still, it isn't a lot of things, and that took 2 things off of my "long list". Other than that, not too much else happening...the fair Richard/Abdullah has an awful Brando impressions, but I giggled and twittered in the effort of flirting. Danelle almost broke up with DJ, Catherine has stopped talking to Jack because he came out of the closet, and I met a really cool guy today named Mike. He is a new grad student in the Arabic program, and he just finished working as an analyst for the government. You should have heard him spout off about jordanian politics, and his grasp of the regional inter-relations...it was awe-inspiring (but not intimidating). Then I found out that he had been to Diyarbakir and we started talking about Kurdish politics, in BOTH southern and northern Kurdistan. At this point Danelle and I were trying to recruit him into Model Arab League, but when he started dropping references to Eddie Izzard and Monty Python..oh, we knew that he was one of us.

Today---milestone, sort of---I registered for my first semester of graduate classes---I'm soo excited! I can't wait for classes to start!

I read a lot of news today, and I know that I should comment soon on KBU , but I feel kind of numb with all of the goings on and for the moment I wish to be just a spectator. The goofy named "Phantom Fury" operation in Falligha (and yes, I know that I spelt that horribly wrong) is distrubing. When I heard about the plans for the offensive, all I could think of was that a lot of people were going to die. I feel weighted down with the realization. I hope other Americans feel the weight of our actions abroad.

this will sound crass, but

when is Arafat going to die?! It was alright when he was in the hospital, but now that everyone and their dog is on his deathwatch, I am too. Not because I particulary care about the Palestinian issue (I do, but I have other activist priorites) but because the second he dies, we are going to get a hundred press calls into the center. And "I" depends on me to get him the most up to date news so that he can comment on it. Part of me doesn't mind, because keeping up on the news is not seen as goofing off on my job, but quite helpful. I just hate having to wait for someone to die. Although my prediction is that he is already dead and that they are just waiting to affairs settled, like what they did with the President of the UAE died earlier this week. So there is my news gripe.

so at Steph's party last weekend, I met this guy named Nick, and he seemed really nice. Steph agreed to "talk" to him, but I kind of paniked at the thought of dating again. Odd really. humm... oh well.

and next Friday I am going to take off from work to celebrate Eid al-Fitr with my family. Now I am the only Muslim in the family, and I celebrate all of the Christian holidays with them, so we are starting a new tradition this year of celebrating the Muslim ones as well. My mom is going to buy the food, and I am going to make a huge meal for all of us, bread from scratch (I make excellent pita bread), kabobs, that sort of thing. It will be different and hopefully fun.

the return of JB

or rather of her horrible offspring.

Remember dear readers, that a few months back JB had surgury on her arm? well at the time she also got a temporary handicapped parking permit. It wasn't anything that she really needed, because in the beginning she wasn't supposed to drive at all, but she swore that she needed it because she would get "tired" walking from the parking lot to the building. Ok, I could have bought that excuse for a while.

But

JB shares a car with her daughter Shira, who takes classes at the University. JB has since gotten a new job terrorizing someone at a school somewhere in the valley. While I feel sorry for that unfortuately person, I am very glad that it isn't me. Shira however is a perfectly healthly 22 year old. Who is still sharing a car with her mother, and still---even though her Mom is not on campus---using and parking in the handicapped spots here on campus, as I noticed while walking into work this morning.

Now the law specifies those parking spots for those that need them, not the stupid selfish people of this earth who assume that if no one sees them leaving the car that it is ok to park there. These are the same type of people who if left alone in a room would have no problem stealing something if they knew that no one would find out. Where is this family's sense of right and wrong? JB and her horde are producing more and more generations of obnoxious, deceiving, and selfish people. Ugh! I fear for humanity.

the best quote of the election:

"...in an American election, there are no losers, because whether or not our candidates are successful, the next morning we all wake up Americans."
-John Kerry from his cessesion speech

So while I am disappointed that Bush won, things just return back to normal (although normalcy in our foreign policy sucks). When I was deciding how to vote, Bush and Kerry were pretty much the same on foreign policy and it was only domestic policy that they differed. And I am fine with paying more taxes as long as I see them accomplishing something, I am not ok however with tax cuts to people who can afford to pay their taxes. As far as I am concerned, if 20% is being taken out of my paycheck, then 20% should be taken out of someone like Donald Trump, an equal burden to us all.

It does sadden me for all the support that Bush has gotten from the Kurds in Northern Iraq. They like him because he removed Saddam from power. But he didn't remove him from power because he was concerned for the welfare of Iraq's "oppressed peoples". If helping the oppressed was really part of the US foreign policy agenda, just think of all of the horrific atrocities that the US should have intervened in and/or prevented. I would advise those who support him to be wary, because you will get burned if you trust in him too naively.

Stupid girl that I am...

so working at the wild and wonderful world of "The MEC" you get a lot of calls with absurd questions...well not always absurd, but definitley not something that you would think that I would have to know on the job.
For example

got a call from a gentleman in California attempting to download a Farsi font from the University website, okay this is a new one, and I had no clue, the University web people had no clue, and neither did the Languages and Literature department. Yet I managed to help this guy by figuring out how to download the font from the Microsoft Word website.

call number 2, a middle school in the valley needed an interpreter of Iraqi arabic to help with a parent-teacher problem. I suggested a couple of local students that I knew, and then also suggested the guy call Mushira, head of the languages and lit. department as she has this community project program started where arabic students go to grade schools and help tutor the new refugee students. I refered him to her because I thought that she would be able to at least give him a name or too. Well she called me right afterwards and chewed me out because one, I didn't know who to refer him too (we provide as much information as we can, but that is not part of my job description sweetheart), and two she basically didn't want to handle the call. Big fucking deal.
Throughout the call, all I wanted to do was hang up on her...I didn't as the repercussions would have been awful...however, she really hit a nerve and I cried afterwards...stupid girlie thing that that was. Anyway, Mushira is just an uppity woman who seems to think that since she has a PhD that that automatically makes her better than the rest of the world...which sorry to say, is obviously not the case.

I feel dumb for crying at work, at least it was discreet, and Mushira will never know the effect that it had on me..I am just angry that I let my emotions become that raw.

In other news, did you know that the President of the UAE died? He actually dies on Tuesday but they announced it today. "I" is currently doing a phone interview with Orbitz TV (Arabic but I believed based out of Italy) about the subject. Originally it was supposed to be about the elections today but they had to revise the topics a bit because of the lastest news.

...then a step to the right...

put your hands on your hips
and bend your knees in time
but it's pelvic thrust
that really drives you insane...
let's do the time warp again.

So Friday evening I went to Rocky Horror at the Tower Theater, ahhh what fun, what debauchery! it proved to be an opportunity to wear my new red fishnets and a dress that really didn't have much of a bottom, or a top come to think of it---but there was a middle that was a little on the see-through side. And anytime that I can get away with my glitter platform heels proves to be a good time.
the MC of the festivities, the fair Susan, was excellent as usual...Libby got a chance to see the one and only woman besides her that I have ever had a crush on...she wasn't impressed, oh well.
Then Saturday evening it was off to Ryan and Steph's for their Halloween party...and another oppurtunity to wear the fishnets..hee hee. I was more covered this time wearing all red and going as fire. We were to carve pumpkins, but when I got to the store I could only find a spagetti squash. I must have spent an hour carving a medusa head into it, only to have it implode upon itself when I put it down. I left early, 2:30am, it was snowing!! And I almost lost my heels in the mud trying to get the snow off of my car.

Tomorrow is election day, and I am excited for the sole reason that I will not get any more recorded messages on my WORK PHONE asking for my vote. If I have to listen to the ad for the county mayor one more time, I am gonna flip..."So on Tuesday, I ask you to vote for Peter Caroon for Salt Lake County mayor. Please check my website at Peter Caroon dot com, Caroon is spelled C-A-R-O-O-N, that's C-A-R-O-O-N..." ahhhhhhhh!

Jack and Jack went up the hill...

So my buddy Jack has finally stopped pineing away for the former girlfriend and moved on. This last weekend we was going to go camping...by himself, a hermit weekend, so to speak, to clear his mind about his "issues". He came back early because one, he thought that his "testicles were going to freeze and fall off" and two, because he had met someone the previous Thursday and couldn't wait to see "them" again. Then he told me how he was incredibly happy, which is always a nice state to see your friends in, and that he had never felt as comfortable with this new "person" than with anyone else in his life. So of course, like any good friend/gossip hound, I had to ply more info out of him. He said that "they" were dating, and that "they" both lived in the same dorm building. And hopefully by now, you are wondering why I am putting pronouns in quotation marks, and that is because Jack was sure to use impersonal pronouns when describing this new love. I suspected that he was trying to keep the gender of the new love a secret, but honestly how can you evade the "well, what is their name?" question that I hit Jack with. So he is dating a guy---a completely new experience for him, especially sense he really doesn't have a sense of himself yet, and everyone keeps telling him that he acts gay (like that proves anything). His name is Brandon and he is in the Ballet department (how cliche is that?), oddly enough I have seen him perform at the opera last Sunday (small world, gets smaller every day). I think Jack was glad that I was accepting, I only care for his happiness. But he has been worried that this turn might adversely effect the political career that he would like to have one day. Keep in mind though, if you are unhappy in your personal life it effects your public one, and it is just better to be yourself no matter what the cost. The real problem is his family which is very very Catholic, and the issue also will be bad not only because of the gay factor but also that the new love is half black and half hispanic. Which makes a nice combination feature-wise, but if your family is bigotic to begin with, it is torture. I am sure that the saga of Jack will continue.

And on the Libby front, now with Marshall out of the way, she and Colin are dating again. It is still awkward between them, but I expect that will change soon.

Why date when my friends go through all of this crap, it so saves hassle.

And unrelated...I dyed my hair bright red the other night. It looks cool, but my bathroom mat will never be the same.

Oddly enough, happiness is pretty boring to read about

Talking with my Mom yesterday, she pointed out that my stories of daily life have gotten a lot less interesting with JB out of the picture. Which is true. Reading about the annoying is always more interesting, humans are drawn to tragedy. So I apologize for the "slump" in content. Give me a little time to find something new to tick me off.

On Sunday I went to the opera Aida, which fitting with the humanistic love of tradegy fit in well. Here is the other sad part, I went by myself. Partly because I couldn't afford 2 tickets, but partly because I was selfish and wanted to keep the experience all to myself, safely locked in memory. Under more coherent circumstances I would like to write about the love that the hero and heroine represent in the opera, however as my stomach rumbles and my head aches from fasting, I find that all thought fails me and I can only feel...which doesn't translate well.

Something new.

Today I am going to post a poem that I wrote, some of the formatting will not translate over, but I hope you like it.

Phoenix

If I choose my death, let fire
consume me.
I want to be overcome by the panic
of those passionate flames
within that panic I will find peace
the point where the mind races
thoughts trip over each other
like feet in the wedding dance
the beat faster, breathless,
a pounding hum
a mantra spoken in the fluttering
of an eyelash
estasy in the crackling heat
let my life slip from me like the
sweat from my fingertips
fly and become the sky
evaporated in the smoke and ashes
there is more life in that noble death
more valor than allowing the cold
to encroach
numbing centimeter by centimeter
slowing blood, thoughts, hope
floundering in regret
and the snuffing sleep to follow...
No, let me leave in fire
paradise will exhale me in one
hitch of...silence.

Are all albinos bad?

Ok, so I noticed that albinos seem to be a common archtype for an evil henchman. Why is that? In the movie the Princess Bride the duke's helper is an albino. There is an albino assissin in some Goldie Hawn movie from the 80's. The Edgar Winter band tries to play off a bad-ass rep. And the uber-catholic monk in the Da Vinci Code is also an albino. What did they do to get such a bad rap? Isn't it enough that they get stared at all the time, do they have to be protrayed as evil to? Did you know that the only set of albino twins in the US, live in Price Utah? My little brother goes to school with them, he says that they are nice, but I hate to tell him that sooner or later they will have to turn evil because that is what society expects...I know, its a sad sad world when not even the albinos are safe. I wonder if any of them think that dressing up as a lab rat for Halloween is a good idea?

And since I touched on the subject of the book The Da Vinci Code, which I am almost finished with, can I just tell you that I am sick of the book shoving all of this extra information down my throat? Yeah, interesting story, theory, etc...I could see some truth in things, but I honestly don't care about some Catholic conspirsay to rule the world..having had my bout with Catholism I already know that I really don't trust the religion, and that is why (sorry Grandpa) I am not Catholic. But I really don't care how that EVERYTHING in the world is a symbol for this, that, or the other thing. A pack of cards to me is just a pack of cards, I don't really care that it is also full of symbols marking the divine feminine and the quest for the holy grail. Not interesting, sorry. Additionally, within the book, the heroine saw her grandfather having sex in a secret socity ritual. Why is it that the author seems to think that knowing it was part of a ceremony makes it that much better? I'm sorry, if I saw my grandfather having sex ,period, I think that I would find it a little tramatic regardless of the circumstances. Come on now, let's be honest, it would be wouldn't it?

Things that I resist...

1) Sticking a nail into those huge blowup balloon animal things that businesses use to advertise. The majority of the time they are giant gorillas or spiders, which I am not sure is going to make me want to buy something. I expect that when the average person on the street meets a real life spider or gorilla that size, their first instinct is to run in the opposite direction as fast as possible, not decide that they really are going to buy that new used car or donate $100 to cancer research.

2) Throwing my keys down a storm grate. It is one of those things that I am always tempted to do when I walk past them. I am not sure why, maybe I just want to see what other people would do for me in the situation, or possible it would be a chance to go complete drama queen on everyone. Honestly have you ever seen that happen to someone? What really happens to the keys, do they ever get retreived? Or are most people so embarassed that they never tell anyone else that it ever happened? I think I have a disaster complex, I am completely fasinated with the "what if?". I am the type of person who on the tram rides at amusement parks or on roller coasters wonders "what would happen to me if I fell out, now....how about...now!" No, I am not suicidal, but I wonder how bad I would be hurt if such an awful thing would occur. I do the same thing when I am a passenger in a car, if I jumped out now, or if I drove off the road here, how badly would I be hurt? And now that my regular readers think that I am a complete psycho...on to the next thing I resist...

3) posting up my own personal terrorist-threat warning level system on my computer at work. For example Red would be "I am busy blogging, emailing, or generally goofing off, leave me alone", Orange would be "I am busy working, please do not disturb me", yellow "I am actually working, but I am alright with interruptions", green "Open for flirting and any/all distractions that you can offer me." and blue "Delal has left the building, come back when you thing that I might pay attention to anything that happens around me".

I am at home with odd numbers so I am going to leave the list there, when more things on the list occur to me I will let you know.

Incommunicato Weekend..

The weekend was too short. Not enough sleep time, not enough time to even get all of my laundry done. Frustration all around.

I got a chance to talk to Roberta today about my grad school classes. And she mentioned that I need to stop "hiding" intellectually. I didn't realize that I did that. She said that I need to push myself out there and tell everyone how good I am instead of letting them find out when I turn my paper in. I appreicate her confidence in me, but it is a little disconcerting. Roberta also made me promise to leave Utah when I do my PhD. She always uses the term "when" with me, I think in terms of "if", makes me wonder if she knows something that I don't. Talked to Sluglett today, wonderful Yorkshireman that he is. He asked about my grad school status as well, he said that it was "about bloody time" that I started. I have only taken a semester off, goodness how long do people think that I have been done with school?

On to other subjects..Mehdi Zana was released when they realized that they had nothing to hold him on...damn the turks are stupid. An article bashing the marriage of Minister Berwari surfaced, the article placed the marriage in the larger context of a tribal political alliance, which in light of the new hubby's remarks lately, not only make Nesreen to look a total fool but her whole family as well.

Ramadan Mubarak!

Today is the first day of Ramadan, and I am quite proud of myself for remembering to get up early so that I had time to eat.

Beth from work is retiring and we are planning a party for her. During our planning meeting my stomach grumbled so loudly that everyone heard it, it was very embarassing. Unfortuately th eparty will be in the daytime, but I will bring some cheap tupperware for me and my fellow Muslims to have some Iftar take-out. ;) I hope that people aren't too upset.

In other incredibly obnoxious news, Mehdi Zana has been detained by the Turkish authorities when he came back into the country with his wife Leyla. Why can't they give that family a little peace?!

Outrage good Mercutio!

Let's express my concern over the freedom of the internet today shall we?

Earlier this week it was reported that Syria has imprisoned a young man for posting photos of a PEACEFUL demostration on a website that is based in Germany. Apparently the Syrian secret service equilivent has the time and resources to be monitoring all email and internet transmissions from their citizens. Not only is the 3 year prison sentence an outrage, but also the waste of time and manpower to monitor that the Syrian government expends. You can not possibly tell me that Syria could put those funds to better use. The information he posted was not subversive or anything, well I guess that depends on your perspective. However, giving such a harsh punishment is not going to prevent people from doing similar things, but encourage them to see what they can get away with.

Second instance of outrage for today, Iran has not started to crack down on bloggers within their country. Honestly I was wondering when that would start to happen, but I was enjoying the press that the blogger boom in Iran was getting. The situation just makes me sad. Here I sit in my safe secure office writing endless dribble for the whole world to read. I don't really report on anything that is being done wrong to me....that doesn't make much sense. Let's put it this way, as an American I am extremely spoiled in the fact that I can say what I want to say and have no consequences for it. Whereas, others who have opinions and are witnessing things that need to be told to the world are not allowed to speak. The silence is deafening. My words cannot fill that void.

so Libby called me today, I think that she is a little annoyed that I haven't called her lately, but I am getting a little time of best-friend time always including the boyfriend as well. Don't get me wrong, Marshall is great, but I would like some girl time as well. Anyway her first show is tonight, and even though she said that it wasn't a "pressure to go" thing, I know that it would mean a lot to her if I went, so I am going...besides no demos tonight-I have just about had it up to here with Hydro Air man, I hate when my time is being wasted.

On to other things, I was thinking today while at the copy machine (it is amazing how that can stimulate your mind) about sufism and how I consider myself one, but without a teacher. And how the most noted Sufis lived the lives of monks, and at one point in my life I thought that that was somehow impossible. I think I need to reflect on myself more, because I think that I am there.

Oh, there is a new book out on the emotional relationship between Gandhi and "Mira" a British woman who became close with him and his movement. It could be interesting.

Till later darlings!

This morning is an Ibrahim Tatlises morning...

As Hiwa reminded me yesterday I haven't posted in a while, sorry about that, and good morning Hiwa!

Jimmy turned 16 yesterday. He grows more and more everyday, his shoulders are so massive and he towers over me. I think that I will start losing a lot more of those sibling wrestling matches...but this weekend it was a gooseing war, which my mom thought was funny until she became a victim.

What I would like to talk about this morning really are dreams. Twice last week I had some very disturbing dreams, disturbing in their reality, I couldn't tell if they were real or not.
The first one was on Tuesday night, there was someone else in my bed. I could feel the warmth of their body and their breath on the back of my neck. I was so scared, I wanted to turn and see who it was, but if I turned too suddenly I was worried that I might wake the person up and that they would hurt me, so I very very slowly turned, and luckily it was only my mom and my little brother (now how they both fit into my bed, I don't know), so I just put my head down to go back to sleep. then I noticed that I was alone in the bed again, which startled me. Then in my dream my neighbor's puppy jumped up onto my bed and began to lick my face, trying to wake me up. there was something wrong outside, there was bombing of some sort. So I stood outside on the lawn with my neighbors watching the explosions, even though it was nighttime you could see large clouds of black flak floating in the air. Everyone was in a panic trying to leave, but I was just sitting there very calmly waiting, waiting for what I wasn't sure, but I was just waiting. I have had dreams where I have been in a warzone before, but each time I have those dreams I am in a suburban American setting, which freaks my mom out a bit and this dream was in the same line of things.

Second, vivid dream was the following night, again someone came into my house. This time it was a man, tall and thin with a mustache. He seemed to be someone I knew. But he came in to wake me, and let me know that he was sorry that he was late but that he missed me. He then got ready for bed and climbed in with me. Again I could feel the warmth in the bed from him.

These dreams were frightening in their reality, as I woke up I was convinced that someone else had been in the room with me, the bed still felt warm in the morning. I also find it disturbing that I had 2 dreams in a row about someone coming into my house and more importantly into my bed. Those who know me well, know that I religiously check and double-check my doors before I go to bed, this stems from an incident with a former boyfriend who tried to break into my room one night and scared me half to death (in fact that incident ranks as number 2# on the top 5 worst things to every happen to me--on this list however are only 4 things). I am not sure what these dreams mean if anything, any ideas?

Sleep...the best way to spend a weekend

Instead of going home to my parents like normal I stayed at home this last weekend and did absolutely nothing. Well I did something, I cleaned off my desk, but that isn't much to anyone but myself.

Dear sweet and gorgeous Richard/Abdullah at work gave me a copy of his new CD. It is pretty cool, although I think that I am focusing more on the music than work, which perhaps isn't the best thing to do in the world. His band is called Marginal People , give it a look.

Jimmy's, little bro, hermit crabs went all psycho this weekend. Alpha, who is still alive somehow, was involved in a shell fight and ALL of his legs were ripped off. Normally they might lose one leg or a claw, but it has never been heard of that all of the legs have been ripped off. So Alpha looks like a little worm, but apparently surviving. And then Shibley died last night in another shell fight.

I watched this infomercial on the bun and thigh roller on Sunday, and as I was watching I realized that you could do the same exercise onthe edge of the couch. So I did the recommended 5 minutes and man, does my ass hurt! But at least I didn't have to pay 3 east installments of $29.95 to be in the same pain that those models were in. ha ha fat girls's revenge!

I can see clearly now JB is gone...

I can see all obstancles in my way...none of the dark clouds that had me blind...it's gonna be a bright, bright, sunshiney..REST OF MY LIFE!
Thank god she is gone, gone gone gone gone gone! She came in for a half hour today, still fakeing that she had lost her voice. She turned in her keys to me, not her office key mind you-she turned that in to Kate--but hey she turned them anyway. She also left a note in my desk that says "Debbie- Thank you. -Debra" attached to a $20 bill. Now I know why this is there, she tried to give me 20 before and I wouldn't take it from her. It is because she screwed up on a reimbursement for me. She can't admit that she did anything wrong, but she is willing to give me the money. I really don't want it. It feels dirty in a way. What I wanted her to do is just admitt that she screwed up, and I would have forgotten about the $20, hell it has been almost 3 months anyway. Unfortuately she left before I could give it back to her, but I was "fixin" to. I think that I will keep it as "ass-hole tax". It will buy Libby and I dinner anyway.

"I" has hit new heights of cuteness. The union wasn't selling his rice pudding anymore so he started a petition to get rice pudding back on the menu. It worked. Who ever said that democracy was dead?

Kate, the new girl, is awesome. I just love her. "I" likes her as well, his office door has been open since she has been here.

I am a little annoyed with Hydro Air at the moment. The girl in marketing who was making appointments just got fired and now no one has any appointments because they can't figure out what in the hell she did. So I might be working tonight, I might not. It is obnoxious. I would like to make some money.

On to the subject of wisedom teeth. I am feeling better and as you can probably see I am a lot more "with it" than my past post. I stayed home yesterday and slept. It was nice, it I could sleep all day more of the time I definitely would. My mouth still hurts but I am limiting all pain medication. And I feel like I am a little squirrel because everything keeps getting caught up in my cheeks. I guess that it is time for another salt rinse.

Let's be a little selfish and bitch about me

not that I really need an excuse to do that.

Monday I had my wisedom teeth taken out. the surgury went well, now all I am trying to do is recover. I worked 5 hours yesterday and plan on being here all day today, but I am fading fast.

Kate the new girl started on Monday. JB is supposed to train her until her last day which is Thursday. And wouldn't you just know it. JB gets sick on Monday and her doctor has ordered her to have bedrest for the next 3 days. "I" and I don't buy it, it is just too convienent. and guess what is wrong with her....she has lost her voice. Oh fucking dear. Wednesday, that's today, is the day that HR does new employee orinitation, she knows that Kate will be gone all day long. And what does JB do? Oh she comes in this morning, and then leaves for the day at 11.

Let's look at me for a moment. I currently am soo drugged up I can't see straight. The medication that takes the pain away is working, but also making me nauseous. So all I want right now is a cracker, which I can't eat because they are too hard. I want to go home, but I can't, because there is work to do, even though I am worthless today. God, I hate JB, I hater her!!! I should be the one at home, but no, I am at least responsible, I at least am not doing this childish game where I don't come to work so tat I can "punish" those who didn't hire me. Fucking cow.

Sorry about my ramblings.

Me and Kani, goodness I look awful, just check out my hair. I had it down earlier in the day, but it was just too hot. 

This is my dear friend Katie at the "cultural evening" at the San Francisco conference 

San Francisci conference pictures--I know it has been forever. Robert Olson is on the left, Kani Xulam is on the right. 

Difficulties

The hardest part of any day is the last ten minutes of it. Time stagnates, hovering. A 1000 years in one heartbeat. You pack up your things slowly, hoping that you can take enough time. But you don't. You wait and wait, until you can't take it anymore....

And then you're free.

Can I have a new stomach please?

So yesterday at work my computer crashed not once but twice. We had to put a new operating system on it and hopefully that will work much better. But it has left me having to deal with re-setting up my workstation up all over again. It is a total headache.

JB still on my nerves, now she just decides that she isn's going to work and leaves without telling anyone, or she tells "I" which means that the information doesn't really get funnelled down to where I am. She leaves early all the time, normally around 3. She says that she does so because she comes in at 7, but I seriously doublt that she comes in that early. I would come in early and try to catch her, but I value my sleep way too much.

Tonight is my first night with real customers with this HYLA thing. I am nervous, but only in the way that I am not sure what to expect from the office. I had lunch today, brocolli and cheese soup which tasted wonderful until about 15 minutes after I was finished..now I am in agony. I should take my pills but I really don't want to because they give me dry mouth and I will have to be talking for the next 4 hours. I did my last practice demo for Elif last night, talk about hostile! She was rude, 20 minutes into the demo I just wanted to pack up and leave. But I finished it anyway. Then she kept trying to put my stuff away for me, and I had to tell her to leave it alone, and that I was trying to clean it up as fast as possible. If she didn't want to see the demo she could have said no, I would have been alright with it, but her behavior was just awful. But of course when I left the house to get the shampooer out of the car she had absolutely no problem using the machine to vacuum her entire house. She was madly vacuuming when I came back in. So it was really discouraging. I hope that I will be able to sell something this week.

Must dash, almost time to pack up my stuff from job #1 and head off to job #2.

The results are in

All of my bloodwork came back negative for my stomach issues. It is really annoying to know that, sometimes I just wish that the Doctors could find something wrong with me so that it could get fixed and that would be that.

JB has been really quiet today. I think she now understands her place. And you know for all of the lecturing that she gives about security and how I can't have access to her office because all of the files are in there, what does she do...she copies someones PAN form (it is a human resourses form) and leaves in the copy machine. These forms have all of a person's personal information on them, not to mention what they make. These forms are classified and she leaves them out in the public copier. I took the forms and put a note on it that said "For someone who is so worried about security you should watch what you leave in the copy machine", this is twice now that she has given a lecture on security and then on the same day leave something that is really important out in the open. God, I am glad that she is leaving. Although she did give me a lot of material... Oh, well..I am sure that I will find something else to rant on about.

I just discovered titles..

and I think that is really neat. I know I am easily impressed.

"I" asked me today to review his paper and make comments on it, not just grammar contents but actual content comments. I feel pretty special.

worked on the vaccum stuff yesterday. I don't like have to sell to people I know, because the people I know can't afford it. So I was practicing on Ann yesterday, and she couldn't afford to pay for the machine, and the manager on duty got snippy with me because I showed it to her, hey I'm sorry, but if you don't want us to be high pressure salesman, do not expect me to get high pressure on my friends. This isn't something that is the equilivent of a Happenings coupon book, this is $1700 cleaning system.

JB called in sick today, is this a surprise? No, but a bit of a relief. My stomach has needed a chance to recooperate. I started taking the medication for my stomach yesterday and it makes me incredibly thirsty. Oh, my stomach...I didn't tell you. The doctor thinks that it might be stress as well, but I am still waiting for the results of all of the blood tests that he took. There is a possiblity that I might still have little parasites in me from the last time I was in Turkey. Turkish parasites...heee heee...I image them as little fat men in way-too-tight polyester pants telling me that they love me and if I took them back to the US with me that they would marry me and we could start a business together. For me "friend-price" I hope that the filthy little buggers didn't tag along. If they did, they own me a lot of rent money.

So apparently Saddam Hussein is "depressed", oh I am sorry.

And Kurdish language classes have started in Diyarbakir, yeah!

So last night at the vacuum training, Mike (new boss) announced that we can't work with real customers until we practice on people that we know. I don't want to sell this stuff to my friends, now it is really cool, but I don't want to push it on to them, ya know?
But so far so good. I have booked 4 appointments, with the possiblity of at least 3 more, but I am not sure if I can get that many booked. And I really need to be able to work next week so that I can afford my stupid wisdom tooth extraction on the 27th. Ugh!

Today I go to the doctor, see if I do have an ulcer. I probably don't, I expect the doctor to tell me that my stomach reacts to stress, and that I should clam down. Which I refuse to do. If I lose my anger, I lose my focus of direction. I like that, I need it in a way.

Should go back to work, I'll write back later.
And there is a rocket show tomorrow!

I need to remember to post some pictures.

A short comment on Minister Berwari's marriage...
Can I say, that I am extremely disappointed in her. She spouts feminist ideals and then agrees to be a third wife (as in there are 2 other wives still living in the same home--I hope that I understood that to be right). Now I have interesting views on polygamy. If the motive behind it is noble---say marrying a widow or a woman who needs to be sheltered in some way---I am alright with it. Now I am not saying that I personally would be the type to go up and be the second or third wife...I plan on being the one and only when that time comes in my life. However this marriage doesn't make any sense. Politically it doesn't seem to help Nesreen, in fact it seems to de-legitimize her and the potential role-model status that she had for young Kurdish women. I can not chalk this up to her trying to be "traditional" in any sense. She ruined a good thing. Now if this marriage is a love marriage, then that is wonderful for her...she should make that known. But this is clearly a case where love and politics should not mix.

Now all of the personal crap-ola.

I have an appointment to go to the doctor tomorrow to see what exactly is wrong with me. I am pretty positive that it is all stress related. However, it is really freaky. I have lost a bunch of weight because I haven't been able to eat...now part of this is nice, less money spent on food and of course being thinner is nice...but the agony that my stomach is in is awful. It is like someone has taken my stomach and balled it up in their fist, and then the entire intestinal tract has been cramping for a couple of weeks. I managed to get rid of 2 of my main stressors--the Kani situation and the stupid phone-sex job. I could never get enough calls to make any money and I can't handle boredom in any form...so those are gone and I felt better. But the other main stressor is JB, which I am having a harder time shaking off.
For example yesterday, she came at me with some stupid demand and I wasn't going to give in. The situation is irrelevant, but with her attitude and her manner, I was instantly in pain. I needed a break--badly, and everytime I would try to leave something else would come up....ugh. If I have an ulcer I am naming it JB.
Model Arab League is another stressor. Apparently DJ thinks that I am trying to take over, and all I see him doing is screw everything up that I worked so hard for 2 years to create. It has been an act of God not to intervene, and he is still thinking that I am trying to take over. Yet, he tells me that he is glad that I am around so that I can help out, but tells Jack that I am taking over. Dammit, be mature for once DJ! If you have a problem with me, tell me! I told you when I was upset with how you interrupted me in the meeting, why can't you tell me that I am being too bossy? I would welcome that.

Back to the JB situation. It was announced yesterday---she isn's coming back---YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"I" told me before a final decision was made, I kept quiet, but it was really really hard to hold in my elation at the news. I didn't even crack a smile. However, I still have to deal with her till she leaves. Apparently she took the news well, but was visibly shaken. I am sure that she is home right now bitching about why she didn't get the job, blah, blah, blah...what does she expect. You treat everyone in a condensing manner, including your boss, and you expect to get rewarded? She isn't here today and tomorrow because it is Rosh Hashanah, thank goodness. If I can't get a break during work, at least I can get a break from her.

On jobs in general...yes I stopped the phone sex thing-still haven't seen a dime out of that---and now I have moved onto something else. I am now selling this air-purifying system that yes, converts into a vacuum. I have become a glorified vacuum cleaner salesman. I wonder what other cliche job I can get? Hummm. Anyway the commission scale is great, the more you work, the more you make that type of thing. But then there is also the added element that there is someone at the office who cares if I work or not. The phone sex people couldn't care if I even breathed on a regular basis. I am only in training, but hopefully I can start selling this weekend. I want to win one of these stupid machines...they are soo cool. Expensive, but cool. The job itself is from 6-10pm four evenings a week. Great hours, but difficult on me. With no breaks lately at work at the MEC and then traveling across the valley with dinner in the car to job #2, I feel like I am in a never-ending day. I get home around 10:30 at which point I am trying to wind down so that I can sleep and get up again at 7 for work at 8. It is rough, but that is only because this first week I wasn't expecting to be gone soo much.

I think that is all for the moment, I will leave some stuff for tomorrow..

Sorry about the wait, a lot has been happening.
First things first, the Kurdish conference. Now I am not going to detail every speaker, but give you general impressions and comments. The Institute that held the conference is planning on making the conference proceedings available to the public, so check their site for updates. Also, on Kurdmedia, there is a nice write-up on the conference that I definitely have some comments on, so read the article first so you know what I am talking about. If you read the article, it makes it sound as if it was a wonderful conference and a lot of issues were, in a way, resolved. Far from it. There were 3 definite points of view that came out: the west, Turkish-Kurdistan, and Iraqi-Kurdistan. All of the American panelists made the point that the west really can not be trusted and that the Kurdish movement is dependent on the Kurds themselves making the difference, the Kurds doing the work, and not getting the free ride that they hope to get from keeping alliances such as the United States. The Turkish-Kurds were of the mind-set that alliances like the US couldn't be trusted, and that Iraqi-Kurdistan was absolutely wonderful and they were looking to them to pave the way for future Kurdish freedom. And the Iraqi-Kurds were adament that alliances like the United States were vital to their survival. I consider myself "seasoned" in Kurdish politics-especially in relation to Turkey. This conference just barely touched on some rather explosive issues, and didn't delve in further. Now seeing that this was the first conference of its kind-or at least that is what I keep hearing--you would think that we could get past the basics and move to the meat of the issue. But we didn't.
My own personal opinion is that the Kurds need to depend on themselves, and themselves alone. Alliances are fine and dandy, but there is such a long history of getting burned. How many times does one have to burn their hand on the stove before they realize that they shouldn't do that. This also brings me back to the analogy from the movie Marooned in Iraq that I mentioned in a post from July. To me the Kurds are the guy that was making a lot of money on the war, who then gets robbed and sits in the snow in his undershirt bewailing his plight. When help is offered to him in the form of a coat he turns it down because some one is coming with a mule. And when the people leave him he wails and ripps his shirt. What the hell is that? You are cold and freezing, someone offers you a coat, and you turn it down? What good is the mule going to do you, take you to a coat? Why not walk? An American would have taken the coat (but probably would have gone off in search of one, before the help was offered) and gone down the hill and gotten the mule himself. It is all about missed oppurtunities.
The article also mentions the "cultural" education that the conference attendees got. Bull. There was 5 minutes of live music and an hour's worth of dancing, but those who were supposed to be teaching others to dance, kept insisting on complex steps that look really cool, but no one can learn. So you had one or two good people and a whole mess of others falling over each other. If you knew the steps you really couldn't enjoy it. Why couldn't they just focus on the 3-step simple village dances. Forget pretty, it is the dance that is important. There is a certain feeling of elation when your heart, your feet, and the beat of the song move in time. That is what makes Kurdish culture so wonderful, and the attendees of this conference were completely denied that.
The film festival was great even with me being sick in the middle of them and missing 2 films. I also got the oppurtunity to meet other students who were trying to work in masters and phd programs in Kurdish studies. Since there is no standardized programs, it is extremely difficult to accomplish anything in the field. And that is a true crime. The conference talked about politics and reminding everyone that the culture is under fire. My question is...why is no one trying to save the culture? Where are the projects to document Kurdish folklore and traditions, songs and literature? There should be a project working side by side with the political movement to document and perserve Kurdish culture.
Now on to the friends that I made, which is really what made the conference wonderful: The contacts made. Besides buddying up with Robert Olson and Micheal Gunter, I also made friends with Kerim Yildiz, founder of the Kurdish Human Rights Project who is a completely "smashing bloke"! If you want to read his statement for the conference you can find it here.
Kani's speech was typical pull-at-your-heartstrings stuff, see it here. After the conference I managed to talk with him to get some of my personal issues with him out of the way. Which has made a huge difference and I am glad that I got my friend back. It is just frustrating that people seem to think that I can't handle things, that I am emotionally fragile. I am not. That was beaten out of me. Our talk was great, and I have a lot of ideas on things that could help him in his work, and I have agreed to start volunteering with him again...I just need to find the time. I can't pay my Zakat this year anyway-yes, I know poor planning on my part--so a good portion of that will be in volunteer work for Kani.

More to come on what exactly has been going on in my personal life....

Ok, so I am back from the conference, which was absolutely wonderful! I made some really good contacts/friends. However, sooo much happened that I will have to take a few posts to cover it all, so you have got to be patient with me. For the moment we are going to cover general impressions and my reactions to a lot of things that happened that are a bit more personal than the conference.
First of all, Katie... who at first I wasn't that excited that she was going to come, but when she got there and we hung out, I was really glad that she was there, and now we are closer friends then what we have ever been.
Things have been resolved with Kani, confronted him, we are buds again---which feels really really really good. We can chat again about Kurdish stuff and I am back to helping him on some projects.
Made friends with Kerim Yildiz, founder of the Kurdish Human Rights Project, based out of London...we're tight. And he is going to teach me how to swear in Turkish--and maybe Kurdish if I am lucky, but definitely Turkish because he says that it is a good thing to know when I am being insulted.
I did get sick while at the conference, but I think that it was a combination of stress running wild. But now that a lot of things are resolved and have some good friendships back (and my physical sexuality validated as well---I can talk the talk, but I have been told by reliable sources that I "fucking sexy" with my hair down and I should wear it that way all the time. So I might.
I know this is probably what you don't want to hear about the conference, because it is trival but this is my blog and you are going to get general impressions first.
Later, I will go panel by panel and discuss what happened, because it was very interesting and there was some discontention between viewpoints of Iraqi Kurds and Turkish Kurds--and yes I know that someone out there will be mad with my qualification of Iraqi and Turk, but you are just gonna have to deal.

More to come soon, stay posted.

So tomorrow which I guess is now today I will be going to San Francisco to go to the Kurdish Human Rights Conference. I am sorta packed, need to pick up the house, and I have to work 2 hours sometime...and I can't get my plane ticket that I saved to open...ugh.. I am not tired, but oh, I will be in the morning when I hit work at 8am, I am tempted to go in late but I have to be there by 9 anyway because of "I" phone interview. I wonder if a half hour will make a huge difference...
Anyway, but this conference should be really cool. I am going to take a ton of notes and record some of it, and I will make sure to tell you all about it when I get back.

humm...maybe I will take a quick power nap.

Today everyone who had been off in the summer came back, it's nice. More people to commiserate with about JB.

I confronted her about "I"'s schedule and how she should basically keep her hands off of it. The other day, I was across the hall with Sluglett and Dr. Cannon calls. Instead of getting me, she attempts to schedule something. And of course she is telling him on the day that is clearly marked "do not schedule meetings today" she is saying that it is ok. I told her that she could have taken a message but she didn't care. The problem is that the time that she told them was ok, wasn't. The type of meeting would probably be an hour long and it is on the other side of campus. She left him a half hour window to go to this meeting, and get back up to here for another appointment. I mean, come on, his health isn't that good to manage that...duh... so I confronted her about it---treating her like a child..."now we have discuss this before but I can't stress this enough..." and of course, she nodded her head, said that it was a misunderstanding and couldn't admit that she might have been in the wrong... She did seem a little upset, which makes me happy. They also did a kamikaze job interview on her, which was wonderful, because she couldn't make any slick answers. She was so flushed when she got out...hee hee.

But on the topic of JB...why is it that people can't admit that they are wrong. She can never say I messed up. Although she talks about how she is more than willing to do that when the time comes---she does it in a bragging tone so that she sounds saintly. But when it is the time that she did something wrong she won't admit it. Now when I screwed up on the retreat (I forgot to order drinks for lunch) I felt awful, tried to fix the problem and apologized to all of the professors for my screw-up. oh, and of course JB rubbed it in that I messed up...she gave me this line that "when I write up my evaluation of the retreat" what the fuck? evaulation...what planet is she on. My point is that I can make a mistake and admit it, no matter how much it hurts my pride...that wasn't an easy skill to learn, but a very valuable one. Another pet peeve is that if she hasn't done something and someone needs that item and asks her about it, instead of saying that she hasn't gotten to it yet but will, she says that she is "fixin'" to do it. Come on... fixin' to do it. is that professional, I think not.

Oh, and this last week she had been nagging me about this DOE report that we need to turn in. Now I actually wrote up this report 2 months ago, and she has had it in her possession that entire time. Well the gov. has a new system and she needs to upload it again. and she told me that we "needed to sit down and talk about the changes" that need to be made...really making a big deal out of the whole situation. So yesterday I ask her about it, tell her that I have the time...she can't find the email, and then when she does, I find out that she never read the damn email that she took the time to print out, staple, file, and nag me about. The email was new instructions on how to upload the file after it is done into the new system. I can't get into the system, only she can, so my part of this whole situation was already done...2 months ago. I am pretty sure that reading, and paraphrasing HER email is not in my job description.

Whoa, in reference to the angry comment that was made about how I said Utah was white...I am as white as they come, and I had lived in the wonderful land of Utah for 16 years, moving from Texas where I was born. I am not some "middle eastern immigrant" who is being forced to "stay" in the US. My comment was made to illustrate that it is pretty sad that the republican party can not attract supporters of a more diverse heritage. And I will further elborate on this, Utah is one of the most restrictive and conservative communities to live in, not being Mormon means you are excluded, and it wasn't exactly a piece of cake growing up, but I survived it and it made me stronger and a bit more worldly in my understanding of things. Perhaps you should be in yours.

so thanks to everyone for their advice, I will keep the crap job until I find something new. If my dad finds out, then I will have to take it, and my dad knows me well enough to know that I am extremely stubborn, but careful in my actions.

On other thoughts, I was watching the Republican convention-boring although the former mayor of NY was very opinionated---my primary observation is this: of the attendees of that convention 99% were white, it is just like living in Utah.

So "I" is the coolest boss, and I know that I have said this before, but it seems that every day he does something that makes him that much cooler. Today it was that he had made up a parking spot on campus, and he called me on his cellphone when he went out to the car and discovered that he had a ticket. He was going to ask the parking guy if he could leave his car where it was since he already had the ticket. He moved it when I told him that he would get the boot. Then about 10 minutes later he calls again while he is waiting for a parking spot. I guess it was a new experience for him, and for me. It isn't every day when an Egyptian is asking you for parking tips. I am trying to Jimmy to name his next crab Shibley. It is one of those names that is a lot of fun to say. "I" is inviting Shibley Telhami to speak at the lecture series next January.

On the JB front, an example of time. The AA is in charge of getting new forms, well she needed new travel forms. She asked where to get them and I said "I don't know, call the travel office" so then she gives me this lecture for 2 minutes or so about how I need the travel office and order more forms, but "only when I have time", then later she whines at me again not to forget the forms, blah, blah, blah...like I didn't have a ton of other things to do besides following lazy ass around. Then, she even types me a memo to remind me. Now all of this probably took 5 to 6 minutes to do. Guess how long the call took me....just guess...30 seconds, that's right. I counted. 30 seconds verus 5 minutes...who is more time efficent?
Till tomorrow

So, via comments, I have discovered that I am a topic on conversation on Kurdo's website, and it is nice to know that while their are some objectors (which trust me as soon as my Dad reads the site--he only occasionally reads it--I am sure that he will be the loudest objector) that the majority of people reading my site accept me for me. sniff sniff...I love you guys...later.

I haven't posted in a while, sorry about that. School started last wednesday and it has been incredibly awful. Not only do I pander to the professors and their silly whims (I need a new room because the boards are in the wrong place) but then also the lazy whims of JB. Ordering new forms is her job, but that doesn't really mean anything. Not when she can dictate down to me. Now she lectured me for a few minutes on calling them, and then she also typed---please note typed a memo to me--reminding me to order them. I did it this morning, it was a 30 seconds call. So now who is using their time more wisely.

On to other subjects, I got a comment on my blog yesterday. Which one, was kind of cool because I really didn't think that anyone read the dribble that I write. The author was Medya, one of the few but excellent Kurdish blogs. Incidently I just noticed that I have been added to the list of blogs in the Kurdistan Bloggers Union....oh my god...that is cool, but I am not sure that I am worthy of that honor. Perhaps I will have to clean up my act on this. His comments I felt needed to be answered.

1. the use of the work "turk" in my blog. It was originally made in reference to the candy turkish delight. When I first started this blog, I intended to use it as something that my friends and family could check to get updates on me while I was away in Turkey over the summers. The internet in Bismil and in Diyarbakir was incredibly unreliable, and I could never trust an email to go out. The name choice was neutral, and if, heaven forbid, we were being watched by the jandarma ---which was the case the majority of the time---I wouldn't draw suspision to myself. And I also chose the name before I realized how close the Kurdish cause would become to my heart. I have lots of stories of Diyarbakir (I was origially there for an archeaological dig).
2. Delal is not my real name, it was given to me by Kurdish friends that I worked with in DC. Sadly I am not a Kurd, but my friend Kani does consider me as a true daughter of Kurdistan. I wish that I could do more sometimes. This friday I am going to go to a conference in San Francisco on Kurdish Human Rights, which I am very excited and nervous about.
3. Medya, bless his heart, was very concerned about the phone line job. Yes, it is America, but it is also an America where 2 college degrees manage to get you a secretary position and forces you to get a sleazy second job to pay for that education. Honestly, I strongly dislike the job. When I come home from work, I don't want to sit and wait by the phone so that horny old men can breathe heavily into the receiver. It is also a job without challenge, which is perhaps the worse crime of all. My friend Marco is working a security job at night and he might be able to get me a job at the same firm, but time will tell on that one. In the meantime I will work the phone line, but I actually need to work it more because 2 and a half hours a week makes nothing for money. My friends DJ and Danelle want me to document the calls and turn it into some sort of documentary about American Sexuality. Which is a possiblity, and possibly the only reason why I would continue that stupid job. Ryan (Stephanie's husband) said that I would become messed up because everyone in the porn industry that he has ever known can't quit because they love the money so much. I can't even get to the point where I am making money. The perfect future for me would be to be poor and happy with the man that I could "return to the village for".

Medya, I know that probably doesn't answer all of the questions that you have, but I hope that it makes a dent. Thanks to the Kurdistan Bloggers Union for including me, it is an honor, it truly is.

Answers to those questions...
Yes, you can hve phone sex with someone and not feel sleazy in the slightest about it. On Monday I got in contact with the "Chat Line" people and instead of interviewing me, they gave me an extension and said that I could start right away.
Last night was my first night taking calls, I only took 4. Damn it is boring waiting for people to call. Granted it was earlier than their busier times, but I am exhausted. I am trying to change my sleeping schedule to accommodiate this new venture and it hasn't been working well. Tonight at 7 there is going to be a training session and I hope that it helps.

One thing about all of this, is that I was proven correct in my thinking that this was easy. Men are very transparent and lack a lot of imagination. My first call--and this proves that I am a goddess--was almost 20 minutes long and the guy asked for my extension immediately afterwards. Oh yeah, I rock. the next two where only a couple of minutes, my small talk didn't hook them or anything, and the last was this old guy who had been going for a while (he had pre-paid for a 20 minutes call and he had been with another operator before me) he was wheezing so hard on the phone I thought that he was going to keel over while I was talking to him.

The calls are kinda fun, if you do a good job it is a bit of a power trip, but my god it is soooo boring waiting for the phone to ring. And the boredom factor is heavily weighing against the money potential factor.

In other news, I got my crown put on yesterday and found out that I need to have oral surgury to extract my wisdom teeth. So staying on with the phone line thing to pay not only my dad back but also for the upcoming dental bills seems to be a good plan. I just need to discipline myself more.

Of the women that I have told about this : My Mom, Libby and Ann, all have thought that this thing is absolutely hilarious. And it kinda is, but I think part of the funniness on their part is that this is such an outrageous/crazy thing to do. Once you get past that, the interest level is much lower, believe me.

Between now and Sunday at midnight I have to find a way to get at least 71 more calls so that I can get the higher pay scale for San Fran money. Which is hampered by the fact that I will be in Price all day this Saturday and most of Sunday. Friday night will be a long one I am sure.

Till later, oh and if you happen to call a 900 number and talk to Josie...that's probably me.

Thinking, thinking, thinking...I feel that is all I have been doing the past few days.
Today is Mom's birthday. Jimmy and I got her some Mums for Mom, she seemed to like them. I just feel that it is a feable effort on my part. I am going to try to do some drawings for her later this week. For dinner tonight we were going to go to P.F. Chang's but the one in happy valley is closed so we are going to go to Golden Corral instead-much to the relief of my Dad and little brother.

Libby emailed me today and told me all about the things that she and Marshall have been up to. They met on Wednesday night and have seen each other every day since then. I know that at the moment he is just serving as a distraction for her to help forget her love for Colin, but I am starting to feel really uneasy about this situation. It seems like too much way too fast. In the past she could easily operate like this, but not now. Colin cut her deeper than she thinks. Jerk.

I have also been paniking about September, I know that my feelings are going to get trampled again, but then again I am driven to put myself in the path of this man. I am preparing for the worst and holding out for hope. I don't handle ambilvence well. and the other side of me worries that what happens if I get what I want. Have I only been doing this for the chase, to see if this works. If it does, will I still want him? I have done this before, and this shallowness in my soul scares me. I don't want to be like that, but I am afraid that I am. Take Wednesday, no chase to persue, so I didn't care. Hummm, that might not make the most sense to anyone but me. I hope that in this case, that this is not shallowness. Kani is not the type to flatter my vanity. I do believe in thunderbolts and I felt it when I first met him, which yes, makes me lame. I have seen the reality of him, I understand what I would be in store for, and although it is not a romantic ideal, I still yearn for it. Damn I am a pain in the ass.

On Friday I got a handbook in the mail from the phone sex line company that I applied too. I need to read through the handbook again, but I think that I am going to do it. In any case it would be a very interesting experiment, would it not? Would this not test my character? Is it really possible to play out a part that is not me? Questions with answers for later.

A lot has happened in the past 2-ish days and I just haven't been able to get to the computer to illustrate.

First off, the hard drive on my work computer committed suicide. We have a new one in, but I am missing the vital programs to do anything with the website and/or designing flyers. Hopefully they will get the rest of the software loaded on Monday and I can resume FULL normal operations. I stayed later on Wednesday night just trying to reload programs. The tech guy put on netscape 4.7--didn't work, and version 7.1 won't work with the operating system that I am on. So trying to find 7.0 was hell. I somehow managed to download the Canada version and trying to check my email on AOLCanada doesn't work. The same goes for trying to find the older version of iTunes. UGH!!! But I finally managed it.

Later that evening I met Kathryn, her boyfriend Kelly, her sister Becka and Libby at the bar. Kathryn and co. left around 8 and so Libby and I played doubles with 2 guys named Nielson and Marshall. Libby and Marshall hit it off REALLY well. After pool we all went to Marshall's house where he whipped up pasta and a raspberry vingarette (from scratch! it was soo cool!) for us to eat. Then we watched the movie "The Butterfly Effect", better than I thought it was going to be, but no matter the circumstances pre-natal suicide is really creepy. By the time I got home and ready for bed it was 3:30, but I was on time for work the next morning. I felt like death on a cracker, but I made it. Libby stayed over with Marshall and they might become a regular thing. She commented yesterday that it is weird having sex with someone that you don't love. If Colin only had a fucking clue. But for the moment she is happy with the distraction that Marshall is serving to be, so I guess that is ok. I have been really introspective since that night. I mean Nielson was cute but I didn't make any effort. Neither of us was interested in anything other than playing pool. Which is fine, don't get me wrong, but the role that I designate for myself just seems strange. And I feel like I am saving my emotions for something...and I worry that the closer september gets, the more likely that they will get crushed very soon. Dang I am pathetic.

On to other matters, last night I went to Julius Caesar at the Babcock Theatre. Damn it was good. But I was so tired by the end, I am not sure how I managed to stay awake enough to drive home.

Wednesday JB went to the dentist, for what she feared was the beginning of an absess in her tooth. It was. And since this particular tooth had already had a root canal done on it they had to take her to emergency oral surgury. They couldn't save the tooth, so they pulled it out this morning. She showed me the plug and it was black inside and around the tooth. They are going to have to put an implant tooth in and it will take 7 to 8 months to finish the whole process. In the meantime she will have a huge gap where her I-tooth is. Hee hee, she looks so funny, especially when she was trying to talk to people today with bloody gauze hanging out of her mouth. She didn't stay long today and so most of the morning and afternoon have been heavenly.

Oh, and one more thing.. Elif was laid off from the Museum. She is not taking it well, especially since the one who was supposed to be laid off wasn't because she is supposedly having an affair with the director of the museum. We have had lunch together the past 2 days. Today when we were at the Museum cafe you could tell everyone knew, and although they all think that it is wrong, they won't complain as they want to keep their own jobs. She is going to write a letter to the Museum Directory council though to complain about the director's behavior.

It's Mom's birthday on Sunday, and I am not ready.
Later

The stupid filing cabinets that started last week's mess---notice that they are straight now 

My view with the new barrier 

My office 

Under the pretense of taking office pictures, JB let me take a photo of her. This is her in her true form (with some obvious juvenile photoshop additions) 

So today I have been trying to get proposals from caterers..without JB getting her hands in it. Even though I have soften in my tone towards her, I still hate her. She tried to pull the Jewish/Hebrew unfairness card on me again today because the Hebrew TA doesn't have an office. Oh boo hoo, I deprived Claudia of some storage space, she is the only one with a TA, and at the moment we only have office space for people who are teaching a class, not room for those helping. I swear, I am just gonna smack her.

I had a moment with "I" today, he mentioned that JB was being super sweet and nice to him, and he found that funny she was sucking up to him. And this was the perfect time to mention her treatment of the Arabic instructor yesterday. It had the effect that I wanted...which was...she may be acting like she is all that, but isn't. Isn't there a saying about you can tell how good a manager is by their employees?

Man this day cannot go fast enough. Due to weird things in the office, I haven't been able to take a lunch today. I might go home early, but then it seems as though I should probably hang around if I get a call from a caterer or something. Troubling, the things that I deal with.

On the funny front, I applied for a job yesterday, which really isn't that funny, but the position is. Offically the title is of "Chat Line Hostess" or "Phone Actress", but in reality it is a phone-sex operator. What the hell, I can work from the laziness of my own home, you make you own hours, and the money is pretty good. I just have to reconcile myself to playing a part on the phone and not being me. Hopefully they will call in the next day or two for a phone interview.

A sure sign that this next family trip will be a fun one... 

Mom taking a picture of the salt flats, creepy isn't it? 

Libby's first beer of the day, it's only 11am 

The Rocket man himself