Sunday, October 25, 2009

The View From the Pyramids

"I would like to welcome you all to our workshop 'The View from the Pyramids-A Glorious Past and a Challenging Future'. I said that right, right? Heh heh, yes, so... Thank you all for braving the parking from the football game. But I must say in my defense, when I planned this workshop, a game was not scheduled.

There are several people that I would like to thank. First of all we have a crew of dedicated volunteers from the education community that I could not do without. Unfortunately, none of them are in the room to hear me thank them, but you should know that I thank them. I would also like to thank the education department at the Utah Museum of Fine Arts. And......They also are not in the room at the moment.....but there are alot of people working diligently behind the scenes to bring this workshop to you today.

A couple of announcements: first of all don't forget to buy your lunch tickets today if you haven't already. And secondly we have stopped sending out our newsletter and event flyers in the mail, and we have moved to an electronic system rather than through the mail. So, yeah, if you haven't signed up for event emails there are sign-up sheets on our registration tables. Don't worry, we won't flood your inbox with silly emails....only ones of interest. Oh by the way, I'm Debbie. I'm the one who sends you the emails.

Now I have a few introductions that need to be made...."

That is only the beginning of my total manic and scatterbrained intro that I gave at our October workshop yesterday. The rest of my time on stage got a little better than the initial intro.....thank god. The workshop went well....or at least it seemed to. Even though I am done with the workshop, I still feel a little unsure of how it went. It was quite a blur....still is a blur.

But eyewitness accounts are all positive.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Breaking the Laws of Domestic Physics

I understand that the purpose of the newly revised household chore list was to get the items on it done.

I also understand that the purpose of this new list is to clean those odd things that you forget until they become really sweeping the baseboards or removing the strange and possibly toxic dust buildup on the blades of the ceiling fan.

I thought that I would be relatively safe with tonight's task of cleaning and disinfecting the garbage cans....until this.

Know what this is?

No, it isn't something molding.

This is the crystallized mass of dryer lint and odd bits of laundry soap that were in the bottom of the garbage can in the laundry room. It came off in one large piece.

Here is a view of the topside of it, a mountain of dryer lint.

I think that it was beginning to fossilize.

I am positive that this is not only unnatural, but breaks some sort of natural law.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Yellow Legwarmers Make Me Feel Better

So the times where I don't blog are typically times of great busyness or great reflection. In this case, my absense is both.

On the busy front I had the following: parent's visiting, running a UEA booth for two days, bachlorette party, wedding rehearsal, Libby's wedding, fending off Jimmy's sickness, surviving running my first Outreach Advisory Council meeting, Jimmy's 21st birthday, succumbing to Jimmy's illness, and trying not to go crazy in the build-up to the October workshop.

After being sick, besides reveling in the ability that you can wear the craziest things when you are ill (yes--neon yellow legwarmers were involved), I've decided that I need to get my little brother a t-shirt that says "I am a human petri dish".

As to the period of great reflection, it has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. It started with the realization after my Grandmother's death that I could survive without therapy. So I brought this to my therapy session with the idea of working towards transitioning out of treatment. And in many ways, my therapist earns her money, because she pointed out that we haven't discussed the elephant in the room, which is how I treat relationships in general.

A friend of mine recently was introduced to my blog and pointed out that I admit more on the blog about my feelings than I do to people face to face. If you just know me by my blog, you would probably have a very different view of me than if you knew me in person. It is easier revealing more of my emotional state in writing than it is in person. Here I can write about my weaknesses, my failings, but I don't have to deal with people seeing that pain in my face. To my friend who pointed this out....I can only tell you that there are plenty of members of my family who would gladly commiserate with you.

I've been avoiding talking about how I view the varieties of relationships that I have in my life with my therapist. I started out trying to date, trying to start anew....and I just can't do it. I feel judged by new people when I talk about my past. So in order to not have to talk about the real me I talk about my days in Turkey, or I ask them about themselves and foster that conversation. The result of this is that I know alot of people better than they know me. And in talking about relationships with Esther, I've hit my comfort threshold. I've probably revealed more of my layers to her than to any other person. Which is sad....and to me, frightening to the point of paralysis.

So I will admit that I have some serious relationship "issues". I fear being hurt, so I don't trust anyone with any information about myself. I want someone to take the time to get past my defenses, but I am not going to ask someone to try. I feel lonely, but don't want to do much about it....but I think part of that melancholy can be blamed on the fact that I just listened to Johnny Cash's Ballad of Ira Hayes.....which might be the most depressing song that I have ever heard in my entire life. So depressing that I totally lost any desire to practice piano tonight.....but not depressing enough to discourage me from wanting to take a nice hot bath. Which is where I am going now.

Hey, if you're lucky, I might take a picture of the yellow legwarmers and post them....cause they...were totally sexy.