I think that I created a perfect storm of overwhelmed tiredness in my life.
A couple of weeks ago I decided that I needed to revisit some of my goals and evaluate how my life is currently going. Oddly enough, all of the goals I looked at had something to do with trying to lessen by 80+ hour work week, increase my quality of life, and make a bit more money. I made little action plan steps and mini-goals for myself...it was quite proactive of me really.
I felt empowered for about 5 days.
And then the realization of how full of stuff my schedule is hit me. How much I make or don't make hit me. How much I love the work that I do and how the work isn't working as hard for me as I am for it hit me.
The result of this is that I am desperately tired. I can't focus because I am tired all the time. I probably have depression denial. And while I know that if I admit that I have depression denial it sort of negates the term, I would prefer to still pretend to be in denial.
Of course through this tiredness haze I have managed to accomplish some very notable things, namely working through a block of anxiety and applying for two executive director positions. At least I've been trying to work on my goals even though acknowledging them triggered this depression that I am still in denial about.
However.......I had two fortunes from fortune cookies that I ate today that I hope are as fortuitous as they claim:
"No obstacles will stand in the way of your success this month."
"Your friends will truly be helpful in your next month's endeavor."
So fingers crossed for good things ahead!
.....And hopefully a nap which results in me finally feeling rested. MMMMmmmm.....nap....