Sunday, January 18, 2015

Rest in Peace lil' Scooter

Today has been rough.
When I talk to people about my turtles I always talk about how I'm surprised that they have lived as long as they have....that we are cranky men growing old together.  Well, the trio is now just a duo.

Scooter died.

I wish that I could be exact in telling you when it happened.  I thought that he was asleep on Friday morning before I left for work and Kansas City because I could have sworn I saw his leg move when I touched his shell to say goodbye for the day.  It was late when I got home from Kansas City last night and I didn't turn the light on when I touched both Scooter and Zippy's shells when I got home.  This morning I was going to wait until Scooter woke up before feeding the both of them.  It kept getting later and later in the day.  Then Zippy did this noisy and messy fart/poop thing right next to Scooter's head.  Under normal circumstances  he would have been annoyed and moved away.  When he didn't move, I knew that something was very wrong.

Scooter's been sick since November.  He's improved with the addition of a heat lamp, and I got eye drops for him last week.  Earlier this week he was back to his old self almost.  He was wide-eyed, affectionate, excited to see me.....I hadn't seen him that happy for a while.  He must have been rallying before the end.

And now he's gone.
Zippy seems to be handling it better than I am.  Although if I cry in the front room, Zippy gets upset.  I worry about how long Zippy will last after his companion of over 20 years is gone.

Goodbye munchkin.

Thank you for years of unexpected laughs at coming home and finding you in compromising situations.  Like the time you tried to climb behind the bookcase and got stuck, Or the countless times you tried to mount Zippy and it failed....even after it resulted in the need to have you castrated.  You just kept trying and trying.

Thank you for those unbearably cute moments when you were just you.  Like when you would burrow into my dirty laundry because it smelled like me. Or when I was looking for you around the house for hours only to find you stuck inside my tennis shoe.  Remember that time when you got totally strung out after taking a bite out of a philodendron leaf?  We were lucky that you didn't die....and the reverse corkscrew circles that you did for a couple of hours that night seem funny in hindsight....although I was petrified that it was going to be worse.

Or that one time where you were following me around the house and every time I turned around to catch you, you tried to make it look like you weren't following me.  Like I didn't know.... silly goose.

We grew up together. Thank you for teaching me love.

And laughter.

Both Zippy and I are going to miss you.

Love you Scooter.

Monday, January 05, 2015

New computers are almost too pretty to be touched...almost

Got a new desktop this weekend and I finally finished setting it up. It is a thing of beauty...

I didn't realize how much I actually missed being able to work at my desk.

I also reread some of the work I had done on the-book-that-will-never-be-finished and discovered that it was all absolute crap. But there is something to the quiet of the house and sound of keys softly clicking to your touch that can spark the intellect. Four pages later and I now have an introduction to the book that I can be actually proud of. 

I only hope I can feel the same when I reread it later.

Friday, January 02, 2015

Two Men on the Occasion of the New Year

He wears his stress like an undershirt
Mostly hidden
But the outlines are visible
Like a collar peaking out from the edges
He buzzes with it
It jitters in the atmosphere
Bouncing off his shoes
As he tap, tap, taps it off from him
He smiles and giggles
The jokester
The ham

But you can see the sadness in him when he thinks no one is looking.

It makes me ache
I want to soothe it away, make it easier for him
But I can't
He doesn't know that I saw
He doesn't see me
It is not my place

The other wears his calmness like a mantle
Purposely obvious
Like a neon sigh flashing
All surface sparkle
A transparent attempt to be an enigma
Hoping that by surrounding himself with people
That he won't feel alone
A feigned independence
He smiles and rescues
The big brother
The saint

But you can see the sadness in him when he thinks no one is looking.

It makes me ache
I want to soothe it away, make it easier for him
But I won't
He doesn't know what I see
He never saw me
It is not my place