Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Jack and Jack went up the hill...

So my buddy Jack has finally stopped pineing away for the former girlfriend and moved on. This last weekend we was going to go himself, a hermit weekend, so to speak, to clear his mind about his "issues". He came back early because one, he thought that his "testicles were going to freeze and fall off" and two, because he had met someone the previous Thursday and couldn't wait to see "them" again. Then he told me how he was incredibly happy, which is always a nice state to see your friends in, and that he had never felt as comfortable with this new "person" than with anyone else in his life. So of course, like any good friend/gossip hound, I had to ply more info out of him. He said that "they" were dating, and that "they" both lived in the same dorm building. And hopefully by now, you are wondering why I am putting pronouns in quotation marks, and that is because Jack was sure to use impersonal pronouns when describing this new love. I suspected that he was trying to keep the gender of the new love a secret, but honestly how can you evade the "well, what is their name?" question that I hit Jack with. So he is dating a guy---a completely new experience for him, especially sense he really doesn't have a sense of himself yet, and everyone keeps telling him that he acts gay (like that proves anything). His name is Brandon and he is in the Ballet department (how cliche is that?), oddly enough I have seen him perform at the opera last Sunday (small world, gets smaller every day). I think Jack was glad that I was accepting, I only care for his happiness. But he has been worried that this turn might adversely effect the political career that he would like to have one day. Keep in mind though, if you are unhappy in your personal life it effects your public one, and it is just better to be yourself no matter what the cost. The real problem is his family which is very very Catholic, and the issue also will be bad not only because of the gay factor but also that the new love is half black and half hispanic. Which makes a nice combination feature-wise, but if your family is bigotic to begin with, it is torture. I am sure that the saga of Jack will continue.

And on the Libby front, now with Marshall out of the way, she and Colin are dating again. It is still awkward between them, but I expect that will change soon.

Why date when my friends go through all of this crap, it so saves hassle.

And unrelated...I dyed my hair bright red the other night. It looks cool, but my bathroom mat will never be the same.

Monday, October 25, 2004

Oddly enough, happiness is pretty boring to read about

Talking with my Mom yesterday, she pointed out that my stories of daily life have gotten a lot less interesting with JB out of the picture. Which is true. Reading about the annoying is always more interesting, humans are drawn to tragedy. So I apologize for the "slump" in content. Give me a little time to find something new to tick me off.

On Sunday I went to the opera Aida, which fitting with the humanistic love of tradegy fit in well. Here is the other sad part, I went by myself. Partly because I couldn't afford 2 tickets, but partly because I was selfish and wanted to keep the experience all to myself, safely locked in memory. Under more coherent circumstances I would like to write about the love that the hero and heroine represent in the opera, however as my stomach rumbles and my head aches from fasting, I find that all thought fails me and I can only feel...which doesn't translate well.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Something new.

Today I am going to post a poem that I wrote, some of the formatting will not translate over, but I hope you like it.


If I choose my death, let fire
consume me.
I want to be overcome by the panic
of those passionate flames
within that panic I will find peace
the point where the mind races
thoughts trip over each other
like feet in the wedding dance
the beat faster, breathless,
a pounding hum
a mantra spoken in the fluttering
of an eyelash
estasy in the crackling heat
let my life slip from me like the
sweat from my fingertips
fly and become the sky
evaporated in the smoke and ashes
there is more life in that noble death
more valor than allowing the cold
to encroach
numbing centimeter by centimeter
slowing blood, thoughts, hope
floundering in regret
and the snuffing sleep to follow...
No, let me leave in fire
paradise will exhale me in one
hitch of...silence.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Are all albinos bad?

Ok, so I noticed that albinos seem to be a common archtype for an evil henchman. Why is that? In the movie the Princess Bride the duke's helper is an albino. There is an albino assissin in some Goldie Hawn movie from the 80's. The Edgar Winter band tries to play off a bad-ass rep. And the uber-catholic monk in the Da Vinci Code is also an albino. What did they do to get such a bad rap? Isn't it enough that they get stared at all the time, do they have to be protrayed as evil to? Did you know that the only set of albino twins in the US, live in Price Utah? My little brother goes to school with them, he says that they are nice, but I hate to tell him that sooner or later they will have to turn evil because that is what society expects...I know, its a sad sad world when not even the albinos are safe. I wonder if any of them think that dressing up as a lab rat for Halloween is a good idea?

And since I touched on the subject of the book The Da Vinci Code, which I am almost finished with, can I just tell you that I am sick of the book shoving all of this extra information down my throat? Yeah, interesting story, theory, etc...I could see some truth in things, but I honestly don't care about some Catholic conspirsay to rule the world..having had my bout with Catholism I already know that I really don't trust the religion, and that is why (sorry Grandpa) I am not Catholic. But I really don't care how that EVERYTHING in the world is a symbol for this, that, or the other thing. A pack of cards to me is just a pack of cards, I don't really care that it is also full of symbols marking the divine feminine and the quest for the holy grail. Not interesting, sorry. Additionally, within the book, the heroine saw her grandfather having sex in a secret socity ritual. Why is it that the author seems to think that knowing it was part of a ceremony makes it that much better? I'm sorry, if I saw my grandfather having sex ,period, I think that I would find it a little tramatic regardless of the circumstances. Come on now, let's be honest, it would be wouldn't it?

Things that I resist...

1) Sticking a nail into those huge blowup balloon animal things that businesses use to advertise. The majority of the time they are giant gorillas or spiders, which I am not sure is going to make me want to buy something. I expect that when the average person on the street meets a real life spider or gorilla that size, their first instinct is to run in the opposite direction as fast as possible, not decide that they really are going to buy that new used car or donate $100 to cancer research.

2) Throwing my keys down a storm grate. It is one of those things that I am always tempted to do when I walk past them. I am not sure why, maybe I just want to see what other people would do for me in the situation, or possible it would be a chance to go complete drama queen on everyone. Honestly have you ever seen that happen to someone? What really happens to the keys, do they ever get retreived? Or are most people so embarassed that they never tell anyone else that it ever happened? I think I have a disaster complex, I am completely fasinated with the "what if?". I am the type of person who on the tram rides at amusement parks or on roller coasters wonders "what would happen to me if I fell out,!" No, I am not suicidal, but I wonder how bad I would be hurt if such an awful thing would occur. I do the same thing when I am a passenger in a car, if I jumped out now, or if I drove off the road here, how badly would I be hurt? And now that my regular readers think that I am a complete psycho...on to the next thing I resist...

3) posting up my own personal terrorist-threat warning level system on my computer at work. For example Red would be "I am busy blogging, emailing, or generally goofing off, leave me alone", Orange would be "I am busy working, please do not disturb me", yellow "I am actually working, but I am alright with interruptions", green "Open for flirting and any/all distractions that you can offer me." and blue "Delal has left the building, come back when you thing that I might pay attention to anything that happens around me".

I am at home with odd numbers so I am going to leave the list there, when more things on the list occur to me I will let you know.

Monday, October 18, 2004

Incommunicato Weekend..

The weekend was too short. Not enough sleep time, not enough time to even get all of my laundry done. Frustration all around.

I got a chance to talk to Roberta today about my grad school classes. And she mentioned that I need to stop "hiding" intellectually. I didn't realize that I did that. She said that I need to push myself out there and tell everyone how good I am instead of letting them find out when I turn my paper in. I appreicate her confidence in me, but it is a little disconcerting. Roberta also made me promise to leave Utah when I do my PhD. She always uses the term "when" with me, I think in terms of "if", makes me wonder if she knows something that I don't. Talked to Sluglett today, wonderful Yorkshireman that he is. He asked about my grad school status as well, he said that it was "about bloody time" that I started. I have only taken a semester off, goodness how long do people think that I have been done with school?

On to other subjects..Mehdi Zana was released when they realized that they had nothing to hold him on...damn the turks are stupid. An article bashing the marriage of Minister Berwari surfaced, the article placed the marriage in the larger context of a tribal political alliance, which in light of the new hubby's remarks lately, not only make Nesreen to look a total fool but her whole family as well.

Friday, October 15, 2004

Ramadan Mubarak!

Today is the first day of Ramadan, and I am quite proud of myself for remembering to get up early so that I had time to eat.

Beth from work is retiring and we are planning a party for her. During our planning meeting my stomach grumbled so loudly that everyone heard it, it was very embarassing. Unfortuately th eparty will be in the daytime, but I will bring some cheap tupperware for me and my fellow Muslims to have some Iftar take-out. ;) I hope that people aren't too upset.

In other incredibly obnoxious news, Mehdi Zana has been detained by the Turkish authorities when he came back into the country with his wife Leyla. Why can't they give that family a little peace?!

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Outrage good Mercutio!

Let's express my concern over the freedom of the internet today shall we?

Earlier this week it was reported that Syria has imprisoned a young man for posting photos of a PEACEFUL demostration on a website that is based in Germany. Apparently the Syrian secret service equilivent has the time and resources to be monitoring all email and internet transmissions from their citizens. Not only is the 3 year prison sentence an outrage, but also the waste of time and manpower to monitor that the Syrian government expends. You can not possibly tell me that Syria could put those funds to better use. The information he posted was not subversive or anything, well I guess that depends on your perspective. However, giving such a harsh punishment is not going to prevent people from doing similar things, but encourage them to see what they can get away with.

Second instance of outrage for today, Iran has not started to crack down on bloggers within their country. Honestly I was wondering when that would start to happen, but I was enjoying the press that the blogger boom in Iran was getting. The situation just makes me sad. Here I sit in my safe secure office writing endless dribble for the whole world to read. I don't really report on anything that is being done wrong to me....that doesn't make much sense. Let's put it this way, as an American I am extremely spoiled in the fact that I can say what I want to say and have no consequences for it. Whereas, others who have opinions and are witnessing things that need to be told to the world are not allowed to speak. The silence is deafening. My words cannot fill that void.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

so Libby called me today, I think that she is a little annoyed that I haven't called her lately, but I am getting a little time of best-friend time always including the boyfriend as well. Don't get me wrong, Marshall is great, but I would like some girl time as well. Anyway her first show is tonight, and even though she said that it wasn't a "pressure to go" thing, I know that it would mean a lot to her if I went, so I am going...besides no demos tonight-I have just about had it up to here with Hydro Air man, I hate when my time is being wasted.

On to other things, I was thinking today while at the copy machine (it is amazing how that can stimulate your mind) about sufism and how I consider myself one, but without a teacher. And how the most noted Sufis lived the lives of monks, and at one point in my life I thought that that was somehow impossible. I think I need to reflect on myself more, because I think that I am there.

Oh, there is a new book out on the emotional relationship between Gandhi and "Mira" a British woman who became close with him and his movement. It could be interesting.

Till later darlings!

Monday, October 11, 2004

This morning is an Ibrahim Tatlises morning...

As Hiwa reminded me yesterday I haven't posted in a while, sorry about that, and good morning Hiwa!

Jimmy turned 16 yesterday. He grows more and more everyday, his shoulders are so massive and he towers over me. I think that I will start losing a lot more of those sibling wrestling matches...but this weekend it was a gooseing war, which my mom thought was funny until she became a victim.

What I would like to talk about this morning really are dreams. Twice last week I had some very disturbing dreams, disturbing in their reality, I couldn't tell if they were real or not.
The first one was on Tuesday night, there was someone else in my bed. I could feel the warmth of their body and their breath on the back of my neck. I was so scared, I wanted to turn and see who it was, but if I turned too suddenly I was worried that I might wake the person up and that they would hurt me, so I very very slowly turned, and luckily it was only my mom and my little brother (now how they both fit into my bed, I don't know), so I just put my head down to go back to sleep. then I noticed that I was alone in the bed again, which startled me. Then in my dream my neighbor's puppy jumped up onto my bed and began to lick my face, trying to wake me up. there was something wrong outside, there was bombing of some sort. So I stood outside on the lawn with my neighbors watching the explosions, even though it was nighttime you could see large clouds of black flak floating in the air. Everyone was in a panic trying to leave, but I was just sitting there very calmly waiting, waiting for what I wasn't sure, but I was just waiting. I have had dreams where I have been in a warzone before, but each time I have those dreams I am in a suburban American setting, which freaks my mom out a bit and this dream was in the same line of things.

Second, vivid dream was the following night, again someone came into my house. This time it was a man, tall and thin with a mustache. He seemed to be someone I knew. But he came in to wake me, and let me know that he was sorry that he was late but that he missed me. He then got ready for bed and climbed in with me. Again I could feel the warmth in the bed from him.

These dreams were frightening in their reality, as I woke up I was convinced that someone else had been in the room with me, the bed still felt warm in the morning. I also find it disturbing that I had 2 dreams in a row about someone coming into my house and more importantly into my bed. Those who know me well, know that I religiously check and double-check my doors before I go to bed, this stems from an incident with a former boyfriend who tried to break into my room one night and scared me half to death (in fact that incident ranks as number 2# on the top 5 worst things to every happen to me--on this list however are only 4 things). I am not sure what these dreams mean if anything, any ideas?

Monday, October 04, 2004

Sleep...the best way to spend a weekend

Instead of going home to my parents like normal I stayed at home this last weekend and did absolutely nothing. Well I did something, I cleaned off my desk, but that isn't much to anyone but myself.

Dear sweet and gorgeous Richard/Abdullah at work gave me a copy of his new CD. It is pretty cool, although I think that I am focusing more on the music than work, which perhaps isn't the best thing to do in the world. His band is called Marginal People , give it a look.

Jimmy's, little bro, hermit crabs went all psycho this weekend. Alpha, who is still alive somehow, was involved in a shell fight and ALL of his legs were ripped off. Normally they might lose one leg or a claw, but it has never been heard of that all of the legs have been ripped off. So Alpha looks like a little worm, but apparently surviving. And then Shibley died last night in another shell fight.

I watched this infomercial on the bun and thigh roller on Sunday, and as I was watching I realized that you could do the same exercise onthe edge of the couch. So I did the recommended 5 minutes and man, does my ass hurt! But at least I didn't have to pay 3 east installments of $29.95 to be in the same pain that those models were in. ha ha fat girls's revenge!

Friday, October 01, 2004

I can see clearly now JB is gone...

I can see all obstancles in my way...none of the dark clouds that had me's gonna be a bright, bright, sunshiney..REST OF MY LIFE!
Thank god she is gone, gone gone gone gone gone! She came in for a half hour today, still fakeing that she had lost her voice. She turned in her keys to me, not her office key mind you-she turned that in to Kate--but hey she turned them anyway. She also left a note in my desk that says "Debbie- Thank you. -Debra" attached to a $20 bill. Now I know why this is there, she tried to give me 20 before and I wouldn't take it from her. It is because she screwed up on a reimbursement for me. She can't admit that she did anything wrong, but she is willing to give me the money. I really don't want it. It feels dirty in a way. What I wanted her to do is just admitt that she screwed up, and I would have forgotten about the $20, hell it has been almost 3 months anyway. Unfortuately she left before I could give it back to her, but I was "fixin" to. I think that I will keep it as "ass-hole tax". It will buy Libby and I dinner anyway.

"I" has hit new heights of cuteness. The union wasn't selling his rice pudding anymore so he started a petition to get rice pudding back on the menu. It worked. Who ever said that democracy was dead?

Kate, the new girl, is awesome. I just love her. "I" likes her as well, his office door has been open since she has been here.

I am a little annoyed with Hydro Air at the moment. The girl in marketing who was making appointments just got fired and now no one has any appointments because they can't figure out what in the hell she did. So I might be working tonight, I might not. It is obnoxious. I would like to make some money.

On to the subject of wisedom teeth. I am feeling better and as you can probably see I am a lot more "with it" than my past post. I stayed home yesterday and slept. It was nice, it I could sleep all day more of the time I definitely would. My mouth still hurts but I am limiting all pain medication. And I feel like I am a little squirrel because everything keeps getting caught up in my cheeks. I guess that it is time for another salt rinse.