Saturday, December 31, 2005

and I am only frickin 26!

I have so much to post about (I had a tarot reading done, impressions about the interview, the sanctity of the website compromised) but the most important thing of the day...the one thing that must be discussed as a matter of dire import is that tonight I FOUND A GRAY HAIR!


I was looking at myself in the bathroom and there it was shining like a beacon. You could see the line of the hair dye from when I dyed it was two inches! First of all, how could I have a grey hair....second of long has it been there without my noticing it!?! Oh! How my body betrays me!

Friday, December 30, 2005

Well, the interview is finished...

and I think that I did alright, I didn't sound too stupid.

So here are some more detailed instructions on how to listen to the program, as many were unable to listen to it live:
go to this website
On the right hand side click the link "Listen to the Programme". It will automatically take you to today's program, it looks like they keep up the radio program links for a week or so, but I am going to see if I can make a full recording of the interview.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

BBC Interview

As most of you know, I write 2 weekly columns covering Kurdish and Turkish Bloggers for a website called Global Voices. I will be interviewed tomorrow to discuss the year in Kurdish and Turkish blogs on the BBC Radio show World Have Your Say, from 1845 to 1900 GMT (that's 11:45-noon if you are in Utah). If you have time, please tune in.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Make her go away! Make her go away!

Mr.3 is ill today with the same crap that I am just getting over with, so my built in office moral support is gone.

Yesterday was wonderful as the bug wasn't here, but today she is just hovering over on this side of the office with her giant flaring nostrils and she JUST WON'T LEAVE!!! I know that I goof off a lot at work, but I am at least at my own desk and not in everyone else's office. She spent something like 2 hours chatting with the new AA today. The first hour or so was legit. Teri, the AA, was explaining to her what an interconnected office computer system would be like and how it is something she would like to institute here. The bug was ok with it until she found out that it would be possible in that system to monitor what everyone else is doing on their computer...and just at the thought of someone actually watching over her productivity or inproductivity freaked her out...she started to complain about all of the "sensitive information" that she had on her computer. It is only sensitive because she really has no idea what is on her computer and how to find it after a full year. The second hour or so was spent bitching about her husband...Teri is new and hasn't heard it all yet, but I hope that she becomes sick of it as well. Part of this bitch session was actually conducted in my office in which she complained that she had been married for 40 years but was ready to throw him off and get herself a new signficant other words "I plan on draining every last drop of a soul (and cash) that I can out of my husband and then I plan on finding a new victim to make miserable until the end of his days...muhaahaaha!"

I think part of it today might be that I noticed how relaxed I was from yesterday and now that I have acknowledged that I am supersenstive to it. I think that more and more lately I just want to leave this job. I have basically stopped working at it and I spend most of the day doing non-work related stuff and trying to hide from the bug. Maybe I just really need to take a few more days off.

In other news, Isil came by with her little boy Ozan. It was the first time that I have gotten to see him in person and boy, is he just a doll. Of course on cue somehow the bug must have sensed someone else's merriment and she came out of her office to spoil it. Ozan was hilarious, because each time she went to slather kisses all over his face (of course keep in mind that she has just told me that her daughter is getting over the flu and thinks that she might be coming down with it herself) he would make this face like he was crapping his pants. Oh the little bits of joy that I do manage to find.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Almost like being at work...

So "I" wanted me to make sure that I put up a picture for him on the website I made for him. However, with the recent switch over from the old website to the new College mandated one, I haven't made a new one for him. Today I decided to create a blog for him, it has the same information as the previous site, but I think that it just looks sharper...I hope that he thinks so as well. The neat thing was that I was working all day legitmately on a blog.

And, the bug was not at work today---she took the day off!!!---thank goodness! I got so much done today, and making sure that the professors finally got all of their grades in wasn't nearly as stressing at it normally is. In fact Mr.3 said that my shoulders had no knots in them after work today, where normally they are rock solid. It is really sad that she apparently affects me as much as she does.

Also, Mr.3 is now sick with the same crap I am just now getting over...I don't know how many times I can apologize because what I had I would only wish on the bug.

Monday, December 26, 2005

Lacking Patience

I had an ephipany moment over a sewing machine this morning. For Christmas I got a sewing machine, which means that I can continue trying to be a domestic goddess...but it dawned on me that they reason why I am not one now is that I have no patience with myself. Sure I have patience for other people and other situations, but if it is something that I completely control and can't finish in one sitting, then forget it, no patience. This is why I have a hundred different craft projects started but never finished. This is why I procrastinate school projects...If I can finish it all at one time then I won't do it. This is way I can never get the dishes caught up...I fill up the dish rack once and let it dry and forget to come back.

So my goal (not a resolution-those never work and have time limits) is to learn to have patience with myself, and start little projects that I will finish (not just hope to)...I plan on reaching this goal sometime before I die. Wish me luck.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

I survived another day...

and it was a good day because it was christmas. I got literally everything...I mean everything...that I put on my list. I had a bunch of obscure Turkish CDs that I wanted and my mom tracked them all my Dad got me a sewing machine! It is something that I have been wanting lately, I think just to have it, and now I have one. So I guess that I better use it.

in other news, we heard back from Dr. Weiss today, he agreed to perform the marriage ceremony between Mr.3 and I---which just puts the coolness factor of our wedding through the roof! Everything seems to be going really well. Now if only I can get rid of this cold...

Saturday, December 24, 2005

A Nountain of Tisswues

My cold has now noved ninto ny nose, and all ny nasal consonants are now "nnn's". Nit sucks.

Breaking from my speaking abilities and back into the typing voice, I saw the cutest thing the other day. One of the Turkish students in the Center came in yesterday with his little son. The little kid was so cute! He kept "Kose kose geldi baba! Kose kose!" Which basically translates into "make it go faster daddy, faster faster!" Of course, with all of the Linguistics classes that I have taken I noticed how the little kid didn't conjugate his verb correctly, but research has found that all children- no matter the language-learn their basic language systems the same. So one of the first items that they learn is the past tense, they may not conjugate it correctly, but they use it first. And now that I have said that, please think about all of the times that you have seen a very little kid say "it goed" and you might not think that I am that crazy.

And back to my cold. I have never had a cold like this, I have been sneezing constantly since when got to my parents house and I am thinking about getting the box of tissues that I have been carrying around the house, surgically grafted to my skin. Oh how convienent that would be! I hope that everyone's holiday is going well. Till tomorrow.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Well, this is more for my Mom than anyone...

So we have been working on wedding plans, and today we went to look and ask at a possible venue for the ceremony: the Park Building on campus. I like the idea of staircases and they have some beautiful ones there. Here is a tour....

There are two floors in the foyer. This is a view of both of them, in the background you can sort of see the possible seating on the first floor if we have the ceremony there.

This is a view of the stairs in which I could go up or down depending on which floor we hold the ceremony on.

This is view from the top of the stairs.

If we got married on the second floor, this would be the view of the area we are standing in from the audience's persceptive.

Here is a view of the seating area on the second floor, it is twice as large as shown here.

This is a view of the foyer from the first floor, we would be standing for the ceremony were the tree is.

We contacted the events coordinator for the building, and I don't think that it will be a problem---it might be free.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

I want my voice back!

This is the third day this week that I have had so much mucus running down my throat that I have no voice. Well I have a voice, but I sound like I have been a heavy smoker for 50 years. This morning, and I warn you this is gross, I was trying to cough out some of the phelm and I felt a bubble of mucus develope and pop in my throat.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Gossip Banaza!

Well is isn't as festive as it sounds but it kinda is.

First of all, remember the situation from last week with the bug---about her telling people that scholarships had been given out before the deadline? Well she got "talked to" about that. Apparently she only told one person, and when in a meeting with him (not Mr.3 by-the-way) she in no uncertain terms let it be known that she had control over his file and could really screw him over. The student in question was just going to let it pass and try to ignore her...but that won't happen. So we managed to convince him to email "I" to address the issue. Her being/saying something routinuely stupid that damages herself is no reason for her to blackmail others. Everytime something like this happens--all to often--Mr.3 and I start looking at other school options. The other student was considering doing his PhD at Utah, but now he won't consider it because of the bug. He, like many others, just want to finish and get out of there as fast as possible before she really messes things up.

Second item, some students have had some issues with one of our Persian instructors. About a month ago they left an unsigned letter on my desk for our director. At the time the letter threatened to go over "I"'s head if he didn't get rid of her. But since there is no name, no one he can talk to about their complaint he can't do anything about it. That apparently has not stopped this person/persons, as they made up 2 different signs, specifically calling upon the Director to can this particular professor. They put these signs up all over OSH and LNCO (I know because we wandered the halls trying to find them all) and stuffed them under other department professors' doors. Obviously this is escalating, but how can this subject be addressed? Good question, and I don't get paid the big bucks to find the answer to it. As to suspects, besides some random disgruntled another professor in the office that likes to stir up trouble or...the bug (yes, I know that the comment is slanderous, but I base this on her reactions to the signs themselves---she might not be the one doing it, but I think she has a good idea of who it is). Either way, all options are certifiable creepy and underhanded.

And on the subject of creepy, the bug after lunch today....absolutely reeking of peppermint scope...asked about libations for our wedding reception. I told her that there will probably be something, but I wasn't sure what yet. Anyway she offered (as her gift) to buy all of the alcohol for the reception. I told her thanks but no was a really nice offer, but I prefer to have absolute control on what is served at my reception. If you bring your own stuff, great...but there are certain things that I need to make sure are there.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Dress Shopping

I took today off from work so that my mom and I could go on a dress shopping excursion. We had limited time as she had to be at an appointment at 3.

First stop, Tabula Rasa for invitations: I really just wanted to go and get an idea about pricing and time tables. Almost 2 books and an hour into this...just as I was giving up and trying to figure out a way to make the invitations on my own, my mom turns a page and both of us squeal at the same "oohhhh!!!". Yeah I think that we found what we want(number 42-45165 on the top right if you want to see) we just have to work on the wording. It was cute, she got all goopy when we were there.

Then we had a couple of other errands we needed to run, so we had a half hour or less by the time we got to David's Bridal. We walked in, and next thing I knew I had a bunch of catalogs, an appointment with a consultant...and was having trouble breathing. We walked around looking at the racks for awhile and then as it kept getting closer and closer to the time to go...and more and more pricetags looming in front of we left I practically ran out crying. I am not sure why I have this anxiety but I do.

So...I go and wait for my mom at her meeting. Then we returned, me still with my nose red from the first breakdown. The first girl who was helping us was the assistant of the real consultant. I told her that I wanted a lighter dress, not a full bridal...yeah that didn't go well with her.

Here is the problem with wedding dresses....they are HUGE...and I am a big girl to begin with, I don't need more fabric to make it worse. They first squeeze you into a corset which makes everything spluge out the bottom and the after being in this thing for a couple hours I have bruises----yes BRUISES---on my ribs. After they vacuum suck the top of you into the corset then they have you put this slip that is extra boofy on the bottom. And of course it is scratchy and while you are in this slip, the dresses you are trying on, and of course someone else in this room to help zip you up there isn't room to move, let alone breathe....which I guess is sort of the reason why they make you wear the corset in the first place.

Dress Number 1: oh...the dream "if I was going to have a big wedding dress", which looked alright on me, but the dress was so big and bulky...I kept feeling like I was going to fall out of it and if I did, the dress would just continue to stand as I desperately try to get out of the folds on the bottom. I told the helper girl that I really didn't like it---no matter how much jewelry she kept trying to put on me---I had to ask her 3 times before she would unlace me...I'm sorry but keeping me hostage in a dress is not going to make me buy it.

Dress Number 2: was the random, "well I kind of like the flower dress" but when I came out in it, everyone did a swift intake of breath...this is it, and ultimately it is the one we got. By this time we had the real bridal consultant lady. She was very helpful and tried to get a bunch more dress options for us...but everything kept getting compared to the second dress. At the end of it all, when we had decided that we were going to buy it and had picked out a veil and a tiara (I got a tiara! I got a tiara!), my mom and I decided to try it on without the corset and the bulky underslip looked even better. So when I get the alterations done, it needs to be a bit more snug around the neck line and well...I'm fricking short, I am going to make sure that they alter it so that it works better without the bulky stuff. Plus we would be able to futher alter it later so that it can be a dress worn for another occasion...which was very important for me. The dress was more than what I wanted to spend, but it was perfect! As were the invitations! Unfortuately this means that the $500 wedding I wanted is fastly approaching the $1000 mark. But oh well...I am happy with what we have found so far.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

the demise of the typepad account

I had gotten a typepad account because Mr.3 and I wanted to create our own website...however I was having such a hard time with trying to get the software to with 8 days left on our trial I canned it. Now we have the domain for the extrinsicsynergyproject and we will keep it, but we are just going to build the website from scratch sometime early next year.

for other news...there isn't any....I have been laying in bed all day...gosh it's nice!

Friday, December 16, 2005

Fucking A!

It's for this semester. I finished my phonetics paper at 2 am last night (not bad for writing a 15 pager starting at 7pm)...I think that I will do alright with was a hard topic and a little adventurous so I hope that it is appreicated. I also just got my L2 portfolio back, 94 out of 100! I worked my ass off in the that class and so this grade excites me to no end! If I managed to do well in that class, I have all of my other classes taken care of, no sweat. Thank god this semester is over!

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Oh so close to being done...

I just finished my phonetics final and now all I have left between me and winter break is my phonetics paper due tomorrow. There is no doubt as to whether I will finish it, the only question is when am I going to start the damn thing. The bug will be out of the office for a couple of hours this afternoon, so I should be able to work on things without her interrupting me. Not that she has been interrupting me much at all today...that is because she is hiding from Mr. 3. She said something that she shouldn't have (yet again) about scholarships to another student, who is a friend of ours. He mentioned it to Mr.3, and as this particular item that she said affects the graduate students in the department, Mr.3 asked about it. The easiest way to sum up the situation is that she really stepped in it this time and there will be at least one possibly more students going to talk to "I" about it. Remember last time when she told Mr.3 that he took second in a scholarship opportunity that he didn't know about? Well now she is telling students that for a scholarship (which the application deadline is the 15th of next month) that out of the four available, two have already been given away....yeah it will ultimately be a bad thing. Everything would have been fine if she just kept her mouth shut. Now I do not know what the deal is about telling students that scholarships have already been awarded...but common sense would decree that you just wouldn't tell a student something like that. She is setting herself up again. And of course it would be bad to start off with the new AA with something like this.

She does this to herself a lot. She will get threatened by something and in her reactions to shore up her defenses she ends up doing something that will sabotage herself. I just have to make sure that I stay as far away from this as I possibly can....I doubt that I will get pulled down into this, but I really don't want to take any chances.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

looking for a TA-ship

I finally decided that I am going to apply for a Turkish teaching ta-ship for next fall semester. I have been toying with the idea for a while, and since I am actually trying to get a degree in teaching, actual experience would be a plus. When I mentioned this to the bug, you should have seen the look on her face. Her first response was.."you can't". Excuse me? There is nothing barring me from applying, and past office assistants have had teaching positions. Her excuse for the comment was that there was probably going to be some problem with HR or the graduate school...but there won't be because the department has the ability to ask for an exemption to policy. For some reason she seems to think that something like that can't happen, when it has in the past, because she says so. Of course she is also telling all the students not to apply for political science but history and once they get accepted they can transfer over. What, I would like to ask, is the reason for not applying to what you intend to apply for in the first place? If poli sci isn't accepting people why try to sneak them in on the side? Not everyone gets accepted and people need to understand that. But telling me that I can't do something...that takes a lot of nerve.

The new AA starts on Friday. She seems really nice, or at least she is still in shock to be possibly working in a non-hostile environment, but if she is willing to take a demotion to work here, it must really suck where she is coming from. Now I know that Kate probably filled her in on a lot of items, based on certain things that she has said to she knows what is up with the bug. The tension between the two of them is fantastic. The bug keeps trying to play up the "we are about the same age" card with her, and it isn't working. They are perfectly amiablical with each other, but you can so tell that the bug is completely threatened, I love it. Even if the new person turns out to be just awful (which I highly doubt) I could handle it if only to see the bug squirm. I don't think that they new girl is going to let her get away with stuff. Not that Kate let the bug get away with stuff as if she wasn't trying, because she did and so did "I", but the new AA I suspect will be much much more direct with her. The bug hates confrontation and I don't think that the new girl has any problem with it.

Plus you can also tell that the bug is threatened because she has been picking on Mr. 3 and (this afternoon) on me...oh but the satisfaction of that's wonderful!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Hungry for attention?

I am currently going through a selfish/must-gratify-my-ego stage. I find myself doing so many things that I am just seeking out constant praise or mention....It is truly awful and petty of me. I have got to make it stop as my constant ego gratification is taking me away from doing the things that i work or my phonetics paper due on Thursday---which I really haven't started but it is on taking stress assignment theory for the Turkish language and translating that into a workable teaching paradigm in the Turkish as a Second Language classroom.

let's see, other news...yesterday was my Dad's birthday--Happy Birthday Dad! We ate at Tony Roma's and the bastards there raised up their prices again, I mean really raised them up and made it so that you had to pay extra for a soup or salad with your dinner! And I put up with it because I have this thing for their Carolina Honey Barbeque Sauce....yummm. Does anyone remember the old Chili's commericals where people were always trying to find a way to bring home their salsa? I feel like using those types of tactics at Tony Roma's to get their sauce, only because I am too lazy to actually pay for the bottles.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

checking my other email accounts....

so today I finally got around to checking my comcast email, which I manage to remember once a month or so. Perhaps I should do that more often as I got a email from a comment on my Dirty Dishes video. Apparently they liked it and wanted to know if I videoblog as a regular thing. I am not sure, it could be fun. There is a need program that will let you edit your digital video--I was thinking about it for the wedding--if I had more than one use for it, I would be highly in favor of buying it.

ahh...sunday, the day of rest?

No posting yesterday as I was up at 3 am posting the Global Voices 2005 London Summitt Conference thingy, it was interesting and I am formulating a lot of ideas--which I am not going to post here but probably here instead.

Yesterday we went to see Syriana...which was excellent! Watching it with Mr.3 and knowing what I know about the world, it just reaffirmed a lot of decisions that I have come to in my life....such as not working for the government. When I had the job offer taken back from an undisclosed 3-lettered agency, I at first was really I know that it was a sign that the government was not the place for me to be. I know that there is a lot of mystery/romance/intrique that surround being an "agent" of some organizations, but I don't think that a lot of the people around the center fully realize what the realities of that job entail...and perhaps they should. I have no doubt that I would be able to do all that would be asked of me in that situation, however I would perfer not to have to let my psyche go into that dark part that I know exists inside all of us.

In other news....I haven't really posted about what the preliminary wedding plans are...yes I know that was a complete total change of subject...but I have been telling everyone in person so I might as well tell my readers. I am the type of person who wants to have everything planned as soon as possible, and I have the basic outline, I just have to wait until the first week of school to finalize plans with money. Mr.3 and I don't like crowds and the idea of a big expensive wedding is enough to send me into fits. We are going to do a private Justice of the Peace ceremony, which we will have videotaped and put up on the web for our family and friends around the world to see. Then we will have a "mini-reception", but more like a regular party at our house for our friends in the area. For a honeymoon, we are sorta planning on going up to the Homestead resort for the weekend. So that is the bare-bones plan for the whole shebang which will probably take place the end of January/beginnng of February. I am pushing for Groundhogs Day because I just think that would be funny. Even though he tells me that it is fine, I am still unsure if Mr.3 is alright with me making plans on everything, including the honeymoon...but if it bugs him, I expect that he will just have to be more vocal about it? However, if any of our local friends have a digital videocamera would you let us borrow it? Or would you film the ceremony for us? I can edit the tape and stuff I just need someone to do the taping.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Plagued by the urge to Do something...

productive maybe...or not. I can't seem to decide. I finished the second portfolio yesterday and have since then been experiencing some odd workaholic let-down. I didn't have the ability to form coherent sentences yesterday, yet I managed to edit HTML code for an hour in the afternoon. In fact I could have done it for longer but it was after 5 and time to go home.

I have been diddling about the office most of today. I have been really looking forward to tonight, as it is the Global Voices conference. It is in London, so I have to be up at 3am to be able to participate online, but it should be really cool. And I offered to help blog about the conference, so if you are interested check it out later.

Maybe I will go back to playing with the code stuff again...

Thursday, December 08, 2005

From Jittery to Spastic

So apparently I have hit my second, third, and fourth wind and I am just bouncing off the walls. I still haven't finish the second portfolio but I am close... I was working on it until 4am, at which point I went to bed under some strange impression that a little bit of sleep, no matter how long it was would actually help. I am still unsure as to if it has. When I got to bed last night Mr.3 was snoring because he was so stuffed-up. I didn't have the heart to wake him, needless to less than 2 hours of sleep wasn't done without considerable waking on my part. The circles under my eyes are like craters and I have put an obnoxious amount of undereye concealer on to help. Today is going to be so much fun!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005


so I haven't gotten very much sleep at all the past few days as I have been madly scrambling to get various projects finished....lack of sleep makes me cold...and since the weather has decided to slip into subzero...this just adds to my coldness. In order to warm myself up I have been keeping a constant stream of hot drinks in my system. Now I normally have tea at night as it calms me and clears my head, but every night this week I have had the double boiler going and a steady supply of tea in my little tea-cup. I have been added more and more sugar to it lately. Then today I started drinking coffee, which I normally can't have in the morning as it will upset my stomach...I had something like 3-6 full cups of coffee throughout this morning. I also haven't had anything to drink today that hasn't had some measure of caffine in consequently I am quite jittery and talking/thinking/all mental and physical processes going at a thousand miles a minute. I just put the doubleboiler on for more tea, I am sure that my system is going to self-distruct with all of this caffine and sugar but I think that I am in withdrawls of well...something... I finished the mountain dew from dinner about a half hour ago.

the good news is I finished that fricking research project paper----oh god it was awful!----and I just plugged out my weekly for GV on the Kurdish Blogosphere...all that remains is the portfolio for L2 Methodology which, holy hannah!, I have a lot of work to do. And I can't exactly work on it at work because the special characters for Turkish don't want to translate over from the PC to the MAC. Oh and we are supposed to have some special potluck thingy tomorrow in that class, and I'm sorry but who really has the time to make something the night before a HUGE project is due. We are supposed to bring food from our region that we are specializing in and since my socio-lingual presentation everyone is expected me to bring something "amazing and foreign" the only thing that I can afford to make at the moment is pita bread and trust me I don't have an extra 3 hours to spend doing that at the moment. Normally bread making is quite theraputic for me...but today I would probably collapse if I started..

ok, so I think that I have done enough brain-cleanseing for the moment, now I have to start working on that portfolio....oddly enough it has felt like the middle of the night since about six this evening...and it is only 9pm. The ulitmate goal: in bed by 11pm...but knowing me lately, it will be 1am.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Going completely OUT OF MY MIND!

At times I have myself deluded into believing that I am just a time management goddess....and sadly, I'm not. So far I have managed fairly well with full time graduate school, full time work, as Hilary puts it a "full time boyfriend"(he's my fiance now-thank you very much!), and the multiples of other extra projects that I am working on....but now that I am in the heat of the end of the semester I am crashing. Part of it wouldn't be that bad, but I have to finish a research paper for tomorrow, all of the reserach and numbers etc have been finished, it is now just a matter of fleshing it out, but everytime I start to work on it, it proves itself to be so boring that my head turns to mush and I begin to drool. Not only is the drool bad for my keyboard, it isn't helping me with actually finishing the paper. I have another big project due on Thursday, which shouldn't be too bad, I just need time to work on it though...and then the last project should be fine because I will have a full week without other classes to intrude.

Here is the hard part, as my mind has turned to mush, I can't focus on one thing let alone the four thousand other things I need to be focusing I have been getting a little testy at times when I am on the phone with someone and someone else (like the bug) seems to think that I can speak with her at the same time as I am helping someone else on the phone.

Either way, I should be working on my paper but I am just going to spend the last hour of work playing with all of the new FedEx supplies that just came in. That should soothe me.

Friday, December 02, 2005

My Annoucement.

I was going to give vivid detail about everything that happened but I keep rethinking that decision. is the news....

Mr.3 and I are officially engaged!

Of courses we have been referring to each other as such for a while and I admit to guiltily looking at wedding guides before the fact. But now that the question has officially been asked I can now refer to my love as my fiance and my soon-to-be husband.

The process of telling people has been relatively slow...partly because I want to keep this exquisite happiness to myself. After all, I said yes because I want Mr.3 all to myself. Is this truly selfish of me?

Then of course this brings me to the whole idea of weddings in general. I have known plenty of girls who have huge elaborate plans made even before they have met their groom. I never have. I know that I like daisies, but that is pretty much all. The logistics of planning a wedding send me into a tailspin. My wedding day should be for me and Mr.3 alone, the idea of spending a huge amount of money now for one day seems riduculous to me, because how much of that day is really for me? Especially if I have to plan and pay for it all. Mr.3 feels this way as well. So we have decided to have a private ceremony, a justice of the peace thing, and then at a later date (when fundage arises) we can have a reception and all of that jazz if we want.

But right now, that is the last thing that I want. I want to be quietly married and then I just want to be alone with Mr.3. I want it to be a soft sweet slide into being married, a surrender to peace...I want it to be just like the morning after Mr.3 proposed where I woke up in his arms and saw him smiling as he watched me sleep, wrapped in that warmth knowing that I am loved completely.