Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Whoa, in reference to the angry comment that was made about how I said Utah was white...I am as white as they come, and I had lived in the wonderful land of Utah for 16 years, moving from Texas where I was born. I am not some "middle eastern immigrant" who is being forced to "stay" in the US. My comment was made to illustrate that it is pretty sad that the republican party can not attract supporters of a more diverse heritage. And I will further elborate on this, Utah is one of the most restrictive and conservative communities to live in, not being Mormon means you are excluded, and it wasn't exactly a piece of cake growing up, but I survived it and it made me stronger and a bit more worldly in my understanding of things. Perhaps you should be in yours.

Monday, August 30, 2004

so thanks to everyone for their advice, I will keep the crap job until I find something new. If my dad finds out, then I will have to take it, and my dad knows me well enough to know that I am extremely stubborn, but careful in my actions.

On other thoughts, I was watching the Republican convention-boring although the former mayor of NY was very opinionated---my primary observation is this: of the attendees of that convention 99% were white, it is just like living in Utah.

So "I" is the coolest boss, and I know that I have said this before, but it seems that every day he does something that makes him that much cooler. Today it was that he had made up a parking spot on campus, and he called me on his cellphone when he went out to the car and discovered that he had a ticket. He was going to ask the parking guy if he could leave his car where it was since he already had the ticket. He moved it when I told him that he would get the boot. Then about 10 minutes later he calls again while he is waiting for a parking spot. I guess it was a new experience for him, and for me. It isn't every day when an Egyptian is asking you for parking tips. I am trying to Jimmy to name his next crab Shibley. It is one of those names that is a lot of fun to say. "I" is inviting Shibley Telhami to speak at the lecture series next January.

On the JB front, an example of time. The AA is in charge of getting new forms, well she needed new travel forms. She asked where to get them and I said "I don't know, call the travel office" so then she gives me this lecture for 2 minutes or so about how I need the travel office and order more forms, but "only when I have time", then later she whines at me again not to forget the forms, blah, blah, blah...like I didn't have a ton of other things to do besides following lazy ass around. Then, she even types me a memo to remind me. Now all of this probably took 5 to 6 minutes to do. Guess how long the call took me....just guess...30 seconds, that's right. I counted. 30 seconds verus 5 minutes...who is more time efficent?
Till tomorrow
So, via comments, I have discovered that I am a topic on conversation on Kurdo's website, and it is nice to know that while their are some objectors (which trust me as soon as my Dad reads the site--he only occasionally reads it--I am sure that he will be the loudest objector) that the majority of people reading my site accept me for me. sniff sniff...I love you guys...later.
I haven't posted in a while, sorry about that. School started last wednesday and it has been incredibly awful. Not only do I pander to the professors and their silly whims (I need a new room because the boards are in the wrong place) but then also the lazy whims of JB. Ordering new forms is her job, but that doesn't really mean anything. Not when she can dictate down to me. Now she lectured me for a few minutes on calling them, and then she also typed---please note typed a memo to me--reminding me to order them. I did it this morning, it was a 30 seconds call. So now who is using their time more wisely.

On to other subjects, I got a comment on my blog yesterday. Which one, was kind of cool because I really didn't think that anyone read the dribble that I write. The author was Medya, one of the few but excellent Kurdish blogs. Incidently I just noticed that I have been added to the list of blogs in the Kurdistan Bloggers Union....oh my god...that is cool, but I am not sure that I am worthy of that honor. Perhaps I will have to clean up my act on this. His comments I felt needed to be answered.

1. the use of the work "turk" in my blog. It was originally made in reference to the candy turkish delight. When I first started this blog, I intended to use it as something that my friends and family could check to get updates on me while I was away in Turkey over the summers. The internet in Bismil and in Diyarbakir was incredibly unreliable, and I could never trust an email to go out. The name choice was neutral, and if, heaven forbid, we were being watched by the jandarma ---which was the case the majority of the time---I wouldn't draw suspision to myself. And I also chose the name before I realized how close the Kurdish cause would become to my heart. I have lots of stories of Diyarbakir (I was origially there for an archeaological dig).
2. Delal is not my real name, it was given to me by Kurdish friends that I worked with in DC. Sadly I am not a Kurd, but my friend Kani does consider me as a true daughter of Kurdistan. I wish that I could do more sometimes. This friday I am going to go to a conference in San Francisco on Kurdish Human Rights, which I am very excited and nervous about.
3. Medya, bless his heart, was very concerned about the phone line job. Yes, it is America, but it is also an America where 2 college degrees manage to get you a secretary position and forces you to get a sleazy second job to pay for that education. Honestly, I strongly dislike the job. When I come home from work, I don't want to sit and wait by the phone so that horny old men can breathe heavily into the receiver. It is also a job without challenge, which is perhaps the worse crime of all. My friend Marco is working a security job at night and he might be able to get me a job at the same firm, but time will tell on that one. In the meantime I will work the phone line, but I actually need to work it more because 2 and a half hours a week makes nothing for money. My friends DJ and Danelle want me to document the calls and turn it into some sort of documentary about American Sexuality. Which is a possiblity, and possibly the only reason why I would continue that stupid job. Ryan (Stephanie's husband) said that I would become messed up because everyone in the porn industry that he has ever known can't quit because they love the money so much. I can't even get to the point where I am making money. The perfect future for me would be to be poor and happy with the man that I could "return to the village for".

Medya, I know that probably doesn't answer all of the questions that you have, but I hope that it makes a dent. Thanks to the Kurdistan Bloggers Union for including me, it is an honor, it truly is.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Answers to those questions...
Yes, you can hve phone sex with someone and not feel sleazy in the slightest about it. On Monday I got in contact with the "Chat Line" people and instead of interviewing me, they gave me an extension and said that I could start right away.
Last night was my first night taking calls, I only took 4. Damn it is boring waiting for people to call. Granted it was earlier than their busier times, but I am exhausted. I am trying to change my sleeping schedule to accommodiate this new venture and it hasn't been working well. Tonight at 7 there is going to be a training session and I hope that it helps.

One thing about all of this, is that I was proven correct in my thinking that this was easy. Men are very transparent and lack a lot of imagination. My first call--and this proves that I am a goddess--was almost 20 minutes long and the guy asked for my extension immediately afterwards. Oh yeah, I rock. the next two where only a couple of minutes, my small talk didn't hook them or anything, and the last was this old guy who had been going for a while (he had pre-paid for a 20 minutes call and he had been with another operator before me) he was wheezing so hard on the phone I thought that he was going to keel over while I was talking to him.

The calls are kinda fun, if you do a good job it is a bit of a power trip, but my god it is soooo boring waiting for the phone to ring. And the boredom factor is heavily weighing against the money potential factor.

In other news, I got my crown put on yesterday and found out that I need to have oral surgury to extract my wisdom teeth. So staying on with the phone line thing to pay not only my dad back but also for the upcoming dental bills seems to be a good plan. I just need to discipline myself more.

Of the women that I have told about this : My Mom, Libby and Ann, all have thought that this thing is absolutely hilarious. And it kinda is, but I think part of the funniness on their part is that this is such an outrageous/crazy thing to do. Once you get past that, the interest level is much lower, believe me.

Between now and Sunday at midnight I have to find a way to get at least 71 more calls so that I can get the higher pay scale for San Fran money. Which is hampered by the fact that I will be in Price all day this Saturday and most of Sunday. Friday night will be a long one I am sure.

Till later, oh and if you happen to call a 900 number and talk to Josie...that's probably me.

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Thinking, thinking, thinking...I feel that is all I have been doing the past few days.
Today is Mom's birthday. Jimmy and I got her some Mums for Mom, she seemed to like them. I just feel that it is a feable effort on my part. I am going to try to do some drawings for her later this week. For dinner tonight we were going to go to P.F. Chang's but the one in happy valley is closed so we are going to go to Golden Corral instead-much to the relief of my Dad and little brother.

Libby emailed me today and told me all about the things that she and Marshall have been up to. They met on Wednesday night and have seen each other every day since then. I know that at the moment he is just serving as a distraction for her to help forget her love for Colin, but I am starting to feel really uneasy about this situation. It seems like too much way too fast. In the past she could easily operate like this, but not now. Colin cut her deeper than she thinks. Jerk.

I have also been paniking about September, I know that my feelings are going to get trampled again, but then again I am driven to put myself in the path of this man. I am preparing for the worst and holding out for hope. I don't handle ambilvence well. and the other side of me worries that what happens if I get what I want. Have I only been doing this for the chase, to see if this works. If it does, will I still want him? I have done this before, and this shallowness in my soul scares me. I don't want to be like that, but I am afraid that I am. Take Wednesday, no chase to persue, so I didn't care. Hummm, that might not make the most sense to anyone but me. I hope that in this case, that this is not shallowness. Kani is not the type to flatter my vanity. I do believe in thunderbolts and I felt it when I first met him, which yes, makes me lame. I have seen the reality of him, I understand what I would be in store for, and although it is not a romantic ideal, I still yearn for it. Damn I am a pain in the ass.

On Friday I got a handbook in the mail from the phone sex line company that I applied too. I need to read through the handbook again, but I think that I am going to do it. In any case it would be a very interesting experiment, would it not? Would this not test my character? Is it really possible to play out a part that is not me? Questions with answers for later.

Friday, August 13, 2004

A lot has happened in the past 2-ish days and I just haven't been able to get to the computer to illustrate.

First off, the hard drive on my work computer committed suicide. We have a new one in, but I am missing the vital programs to do anything with the website and/or designing flyers. Hopefully they will get the rest of the software loaded on Monday and I can resume FULL normal operations. I stayed later on Wednesday night just trying to reload programs. The tech guy put on netscape 4.7--didn't work, and version 7.1 won't work with the operating system that I am on. So trying to find 7.0 was hell. I somehow managed to download the Canada version and trying to check my email on AOLCanada doesn't work. The same goes for trying to find the older version of iTunes. UGH!!! But I finally managed it.

Later that evening I met Kathryn, her boyfriend Kelly, her sister Becka and Libby at the bar. Kathryn and co. left around 8 and so Libby and I played doubles with 2 guys named Nielson and Marshall. Libby and Marshall hit it off REALLY well. After pool we all went to Marshall's house where he whipped up pasta and a raspberry vingarette (from scratch! it was soo cool!) for us to eat. Then we watched the movie "The Butterfly Effect", better than I thought it was going to be, but no matter the circumstances pre-natal suicide is really creepy. By the time I got home and ready for bed it was 3:30, but I was on time for work the next morning. I felt like death on a cracker, but I made it. Libby stayed over with Marshall and they might become a regular thing. She commented yesterday that it is weird having sex with someone that you don't love. If Colin only had a fucking clue. But for the moment she is happy with the distraction that Marshall is serving to be, so I guess that is ok. I have been really introspective since that night. I mean Nielson was cute but I didn't make any effort. Neither of us was interested in anything other than playing pool. Which is fine, don't get me wrong, but the role that I designate for myself just seems strange. And I feel like I am saving my emotions for something...and I worry that the closer september gets, the more likely that they will get crushed very soon. Dang I am pathetic.

On to other matters, last night I went to Julius Caesar at the Babcock Theatre. Damn it was good. But I was so tired by the end, I am not sure how I managed to stay awake enough to drive home.

Wednesday JB went to the dentist, for what she feared was the beginning of an absess in her tooth. It was. And since this particular tooth had already had a root canal done on it they had to take her to emergency oral surgury. They couldn't save the tooth, so they pulled it out this morning. She showed me the plug and it was black inside and around the tooth. They are going to have to put an implant tooth in and it will take 7 to 8 months to finish the whole process. In the meantime she will have a huge gap where her I-tooth is. Hee hee, she looks so funny, especially when she was trying to talk to people today with bloody gauze hanging out of her mouth. She didn't stay long today and so most of the morning and afternoon have been heavenly.

Oh, and one more thing.. Elif was laid off from the Museum. She is not taking it well, especially since the one who was supposed to be laid off wasn't because she is supposedly having an affair with the director of the museum. We have had lunch together the past 2 days. Today when we were at the Museum cafe you could tell everyone knew, and although they all think that it is wrong, they won't complain as they want to keep their own jobs. She is going to write a letter to the Museum Directory council though to complain about the director's behavior.

It's Mom's birthday on Sunday, and I am not ready.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

The stupid filing cabinets that started last week's mess---notice that they are straight now Posted by Hello

My view with the new barrier Posted by Hello

My office Posted by Hello

Under the pretense of taking office pictures, JB let me take a photo of her. This is her in her true form (with some obvious juvenile photoshop additions) Posted by Hello
So today I have been trying to get proposals from caterers..without JB getting her hands in it. Even though I have soften in my tone towards her, I still hate her. She tried to pull the Jewish/Hebrew unfairness card on me again today because the Hebrew TA doesn't have an office. Oh boo hoo, I deprived Claudia of some storage space, she is the only one with a TA, and at the moment we only have office space for people who are teaching a class, not room for those helping. I swear, I am just gonna smack her.

I had a moment with "I" today, he mentioned that JB was being super sweet and nice to him, and he found that funny she was sucking up to him. And this was the perfect time to mention her treatment of the Arabic instructor yesterday. It had the effect that I wanted...which was...she may be acting like she is all that, but isn't. Isn't there a saying about you can tell how good a manager is by their employees?

Man this day cannot go fast enough. Due to weird things in the office, I haven't been able to take a lunch today. I might go home early, but then it seems as though I should probably hang around if I get a call from a caterer or something. Troubling, the things that I deal with.

On the funny front, I applied for a job yesterday, which really isn't that funny, but the position is. Offically the title is of "Chat Line Hostess" or "Phone Actress", but in reality it is a phone-sex operator. What the hell, I can work from the laziness of my own home, you make you own hours, and the money is pretty good. I just have to reconcile myself to playing a part on the phone and not being me. Hopefully they will call in the next day or two for a phone interview.

Monday, August 09, 2004

A sure sign that this next family trip will be a fun one... Posted by Hello

Mom taking a picture of the salt flats, creepy isn't it? Posted by Hello

Libby's first beer of the day, it's only 11am Posted by Hello

The Rocket man himself Posted by Hello

Dad preparing the rocket for flight Posted by Hello

The rocket base Posted by Hello

The rocket after the shoot opened Posted by Hello

Jimmy and Mom walking in a casino tunnel in Wendover Posted by Hello
A legitimate complaint about JB.
So today the new Arabic instructor was supposed to come in, no surprise, we all knew.
JB went to lunch, leaving me with her customary "if you need anything just call my cell". The new Arabic teacher came in and I didn't know what JB needed from her. So I called and asked. She told me to have her wait for 15 minutes and she would be right in. The new Arabic teacher was alright with that, I entertained her, got her classw schedule worked out, ordered books for her, got new contact information etc, etc. 25 minutes later, JB breezes in says Hi to her and goes into her office and starts shuffling papers, making copies, doing things that would look like she was getting stuff ready for her. 10 minutes later, she hasn't said anything or come out at all. The arabic teacher is getting upset. I go in and ask JB if she was ready and she loudly (thank goodness) announces that she forgot all about it and was just working on other stuff. I mean come on, she said Hi to the woman, I called her, just like she wanted me to. I give her the benefit of the doubt and she acted in a most embarassing manner. The arabic teacher's sister was nice, she acknowledged that I was really effiencet and thanked me for all the help that I had been, but also commisserated with me over JB. So not only does JB have a superiority complex, having to know what is going on and having her fingers in everything, but also shown that she can't even handle the little authority that is given to her.

And this little event completely knotted up my back. Oh, and she and Claudia (the hebrew instructor) decided to start moving stuff into the CLEAN conference room. Granted it was just a Hebrew Typewriter, but they just moved it in and left it. They have no sense of balance! I had to go in and clean the thing up and move some of the furniture around to make it look like it was part of the display, I managed it, but I sure wish that she would consult me first. Thank god I am decorating, I have seen her house. It is nasty.

Later tonight I am going to post the pictures from my dad's rocket convention from this weekend on the Salt Flats. It was pretty cool. It is very surreal out there on the salt flats, driving on it looks like you are coasting on snow and ice.

Friday, August 06, 2004

A funny note about "security" something JB is always concerned with... If she doesn't want other people knowing about "our stuff" like interoffice politics or problems with confindental HR forms, why does she not only tell everyone in the office about it (because a lot of this stuff I am not supposed to know about, and Mandy never talked about it to other people) but tells everyone in her loudest voice possible in the main office where everyone out in the hall can hear her? Do you see a problem. "I" told me that he praised Mandy for her discreetness, her ability to hear out a problem and keep it secret. He has already trusted me with one such confidence and I have kept it. I am trying to hold his trust. I don't feel the JB could do that, so far she hasn't proven herself to be like that. In fact when something is public it is always a "security" thing with her, and when it should be private she makes it public. Go figure.
damn I am glad that I have my new wall. I can't get over how much better it makes me feel.
I know, I have been quiet. Well, at least I don't feel nauseous around her anymore. She is a bully, I watch her bully people all day, and I won't let it happen to me ever again.

Now with everything being moved around on Friday, a desk and 2 filing cabinets were stuffed into the Zucker Room, making it unusable again. I came up with a plan to move everything around. Now I started the project yesterday and Jimmy is going to help me with the last two filing cabinets. The difference in my moving stuff in the office, is that I discussed it with everyone FIRST and didn't do anything until all agreed. Hopefully by the end of today, the conference room will just be a conference room and nothing else. The glass display table that has been living in the Zucker room will be housed in the conference room. There is now a bank of filing cabinets in the break room, which also shield the rest of the world from seeing inside there. I have a new filing cabinet, and the bookshelf has been moved in front of my desk. I love it. Yeah, I have to pop my head over it now to see into the copy room, but then again, people can no longer lean up on my computer--giving me at least another foot of personal space, and an added 2 square feet of magnetic note space so the rest of the world can't see my crap. It's heaven, and I fricking did it! I think that I was hoping to teach JB a lesson in office diplomacy, but no. Probably not. Now that I have gotten my way--and yes, I am that petty-- I have been a little nicer to her, so I guess that she just figures that I was moody and something at home must have been bothering me. the wench. The bookcase also gives me the added security of it being another barrier between us. I think that is why I like it so much, it makes me feel less vulnerable.

Tonight my family and Kelly are spending the night--rocket show in the morning! However one more person is going to make it feel that much more cramped, so Jimmy and I are going to sleep out on the lawn. Hopefully the sprinklers don't get us. But it will be nice to sleep outside again. Libby is supposed to come with us on Saturday but I need to remember to call her and let her know how early my Dad wants to go out. She might be sleeping with Jimmy and I tonight too.

Then on Sunday I am helping Libby move into Colin's Dad's house. Colin moved out with friends, and so Libby is going to take over his room. She's excited, it means living in Salt Lake instead of driving a hour everyday from Layton.

JB is at a meeting right now. The office is so peaceful at the moment. I love it. "I" isn't coming in today. He just got back from LA and isn't feeling well. He got to stay at the same hotel that they filmed Pretty Woman in, the Regent Beverly Willshire. Damn I want to be a professor so I can go to conferences at nice hotels and such. Unfortately, ever since he has gone, I have had "walking in LA" in my head...oh please, make that song go away.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

I guess that I should apoligize somewhat for the harshness of my language yesterday, those who know me know that it is very unusual. I also got calls from family making sure that I was ok, even Jimmy sent me a very cute comment as he knows JB. Thanks hon.
When i talked with "I" yesterday I was able (surprisingly) to rationalize my anger and the overall significance of her moving the filing cabinets. It is part of a trend, and not her trying to show her authority as AA as "I" mentioned. She is still a temporary worker, who wants to keep this job. It would be in her best interests to be friendly with the rest of the office staff and show herself to be a team player. By blatently disregarding the opinions of her office mates, her PERMANENT office mates, she is showing that she has little regard for not only the well=being and management of this office, but also that she has very little regard for any authority. Linda said to "not get mad, but get even" and by talking with "I" over all of this, it is being noted on her record and these incidents are being taken as strikes against her.

After talking with my mom last night I have come to the conclusion that any respect that I had for her on any level is gone. I can't even respect her on a maternal level. On Thursday I wrote a note for Nayereh to look at, I left it in an envelope on my desk and I asked JB to remind her to look at it when she came in. When I came in yesterday, not only was "I"'s schedule lying open on my desk (as JB had added an appointment in it on Friday) and his appointment book should never be left open like that. yes it is on my desk, but it is never available to the public like that. But also on top of the schedule book was Nayereh's letter. The envelope was where I left it, but the letter had obviously been read. Not only did she read something not even intended for her, but she was stupid enough to leave the letter on my desk, in the open, and not put in back in the original envelope. And no, this isn't a case were I forgot to put the letter in the envelope because I made sure on Thursday that my desk was clear and that everything was locked up. How can I respect someone like that?

She came in late yesterday as she had appointments. Payroll was due by noon, and she was planning on being back by 1. So I had to call the AA in humanities to see if she would do our payroll. she said that she wouldn't and she was sure that JB would be back in time to do it. Well I had to call JB on her cell to remind her, and she ended up calling the AA in humanities to do it for her anyway. And she couldn't figure out why Jane was upset with her over this. She has shown herself to be incompentant to more than one department on campus. There was no A/C in the building and it was hot and miserable all day, but I endured. Around 4 "I" poked his head out of the office and I mentioned that a couple other departments in the building had closed because of the heat. At this point he said that we could go home. I didn't because I was meeting Libby after work, but JB was out the door in less than 10 minutes. Wow, she almost put in a 4 hour day.

I also said that I was going to tell you about my birthday on Friday, and although the anger that JB has caused me the past few days has overridden any relaxation that the long weekend had brought, I had a really good birthday. We went for a picnic in Huntington canyon, played some board games in the afternoon, saw the movie "The Village", and went to Sonic drive in because I had never been there before. I got money from both my parents and my little brother for my crown, a couple of things of cookies and a candle as funny little presents. I also got a neon lamp in the shape of a martini glass from DJ and Danelle. Danelle's 21st birthday was on Saturday and I haven't gotten her anything yet, and I have absolutely no ideas. Any suggestions from the peanut gallery?

Monday, August 02, 2004

I hate her, I hate her, I hate her! I wish that she would just curl up and DIE!!!
didn't I predict it? JB moved the fucking filing cabinets!!! I worried about all fucking weekend, and she fucking did it. It ticked off not only me, but Beth and Linda. Linda and I sat down with "I" and complain, and all of the shit that she pulls on a daily basis is being noted on her fucking record, so there you piece of shit! You are still a fucking temporary worker and they will never hire your lazy ass!!!!

So she makes this comment, "is there anything wrong?" after trying to get me to talk to her for a while with no luck. And I tell her that I am annoyed that she moved the filing cabinets. "Well there is more room." "that is not the point, more than one person in this office you not too and you did it anyway" I left it there, although I could have and probably should have said more, all she did was murmur "well there is more room" Fuck that you fucking cow!!!!!!!!!

I actually had a wonderful weekend, that I would like to tell you about later, but at the moment my pissed-offedness at JB has completely wiped out any joy and/or relaxment that I had felt from this weekend. The FUCKING CUNT!!!!!
God, I hate her!!!!!

Sunday, August 01, 2004

My birthday self-portrait Posted by Hello