Monday, June 25, 2012

A short letter to the guy that I wish I had NOT given my number to

Dear Neighbor,
    I completely regret giving you my phone number.  It was a moment of weakness....and in hindsight, stupidity on my part in assuming that this could turn into a friendship instead of the awkward state of epic awkwardness that it has become.
   I don't care that you had a dream about me.  I definitely don't care if you feel guilty about this dream.  But, don't call me at the crack of dawn on a Sunday morning and "confess" this to me thinking that this would be a valid seduction technique.  It isn't.  And it has also had the exact opposite effect that you wanted.
   Seeing that your apartment building is less than 20 feet away from my home, you can easily see when I am or am not home.  You can also see that when the lights are off at my house, that I am most likely in bed.  So don't call me when you know that I am out helping my brother move into my house and then get annoyed that I am not answering....especially after I TOLD YOU that I would not be available to talk. Also, don't send me text messages after midnight asking me if I am "buzy".  Yes, I am.  I'm fricking sleeping.
    You don't love me.  You hardly know me.  What you see is a round white girl that can seem to take care of herself...and possibly you as well.  That will not happen.
    Also, you seem to believe that if I would just come over to your house and watch a movie with you....and of course, let you kiss me....that I would suddenly fall madly in love with you.  Even though I enjoy them very much....life is not a Walt Disney fairy tale.  A kiss does NOT make someone fall magically in love with someone else.  It may make them lust after a person, but not love.  Also, I am NOT a princess.  If I am anything, I am a Queen.  Therefore, I am NOT looking for a prince to sweep me off of my feet and carry me away into the sunset.  I am looking for a King- an equal, who will rule by my side.
    I know you're trying to roll with your A-game here.  It's not working.  You aren't going to get into my house, my pants, or my heart.
me

Monday, June 18, 2012

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Apparently the caretaker of my house is a homeless man....

or something along that nature.

I have an awesome landlord who always seems to have a workman for one thing or another....someone does the garden, another mows the lawn, someone shovels the sidewalks.  Its a good system and I am quite fond of it.  You get used to workmen floating around, and I am normally not concerned because I always keep my doors locked.

A few years ago we had a crotchety old man named Burt who sorta managed the property.  He was only really any good at changing out the front porch light bulbs....because I am still waiting for the light in my guest room closet to be fixed...for a couple of years now.  Anyway, it seemed that Burt was replaced, and about a month or so ago, I noticed a new handyman doing work around the house. 

This is where I seem like a horrible person....but I never bothered to ask the guy his name.  I was perfectly happy just to wave at the guy as I was leaving the house.

So the past couple of weeks this guy has been around the house- A LOT.  He goes out of his way to talk to me about the raking of the tree blossoms and how he has tried to stay on top of it.  He's knocked on my door at 9pm to explain to me that he put the garbage out to the street.  And (today makes this twice) he has come out of absolutely nowhere and scared the hell out of me as I was getting out of my car to tell me about...something.  He's repeats himself alot, and while he seems really sweet, he also doesn't seem like he is all there.  I do alot smiling and nodding.

His desire to talk to me all the time is getting excessive.  When he talked to me this afternoon (when I got out of my car and startled me) the lil bro heard me yell and came out onto the back porch thinking that some random homeless man was bothering me.

Oddly enough, he was kinda right.  The old guy- whose name I found out was Larry- was rambling about how my landlord was over-reacting to something and that his apartment was supposed to be open on Friday and that he had no other choice etc, etc. 

At this point, I thought that I should talk to my landlord.  She used to employ the guy years ago and then he just disappeared.  He reappeared a few weeks ago offering his services as a caretaker.  He would come to her door every few days, detail whatever yardwork he had done, etc..and then tell her that the work was worth $3, $5, some figure.  She would pay him when she could, but kept telling him that she really didn't need him to do the work as there were other people that she paid to do that.  Yesterday, my landlord's husband saw him coming out of the downstairs apartment area (which is not open or rented currently) at about six in the morning.  Then this morning, they found a grey tarp with his belongings in it stuffed behind the front bushes.  I've seen this tarp circulating around the yard in odd spots for about two weeks now, but never made any connections with it.  With all of the times that we have walked around my neighborhood and played the "if I was homeless I would live there" game, I never thought to play it in my own yard.

The situation is sad to say the least.  He is older and constantly seems to have a dripping nose.  He normally is fairly well kempt....but today was the first day that I noticed him being "rough" at all.  He's never asked me for anything but a wave and a smile...never asked me for money or food.  He just wants to work.  He is in such contrast to the people who you find begging on corners all the time.  In any case, my landlord is going to contact the homeless shelter tomorrow and see if she can arrange for him to have a place to stay.  She had her suspicions about him, but until talking with my brother and I could not confirm things.  I hope that she finds a place for Larry.  He shouldn't have to be out in the hot sun raking all day for a few dollars.  He should be able to sleep someplace safe and warm.