Sunday, March 18, 2007

Sunday Sunday

Quiet day today, even if I have been up since 5am. Talked to Mr.3 for a little bit this evening. I can't shake the feeling that he is avoiding me....just like I can't shake the feeling of being abandoned. It takes me awhile to process these calls. I am not sure if I handle them well. I live for them though.

I am aging rapidly. My skin is breaking out---quite frustrating to be dealing with acne at 27---and no matter how much I wash my face and how much moisturizer I put on, I still feel like my face is sagging. I am probably imagining it....or maybe I feel like I am aging so because rather than smiling I clench my teeth alot. I did that when Jimmy was in the hospital for his mental stuff. Rather than breaking down, I just clenched my jaw to stay focused for the rest of the family. My teeth suffered dearly for this...I had to get a crown because one of my teeth crumbled under the stress. And I know that I need to go back to the Dentist, my teeth are going to fall out at this rate. I wonder what the average age for getting dentures is? Although I am not sure that I want to raise children having to expand to them why mommy keeps her teeth in a glass next to her bedside.

I miss smiling. Mr.3 makes me smile.

My mom said something interesting tonight that struck me. I was telling her that I would feel so much better if only I could get confirmation that Mr.3 is where he says. She told me that during the times that he has been gone, I was happiest when he was in jail, because at least then...something was certain. Nothing is certain anymore.

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