Today is Eid el-Adha. And I am kinda depressed about it. Kinda is an understatement as I have actually cried at work about it.....stupid emotions. Twice a year, I am reminded that while I have been a member of a faith for 10+ years now, I've never been in a position where I can be in a community that celebrates that holiday. I celebrate Christmas and Easter with my family because we come from a Christian background. We don't have religious ceremonies with those holidays that we perform but we still celebrate traditions with them and those traditions would be recognized and accepted by the community we live within.
Not with Eid. In the past, I tried to celebrate Eid el-Fitr with my family. Which wasn't really successful....I tried to cook a Middle Eastern feast that seemed to just be more about it being weird food that they would probably not eat again. I tried it once and never tried it again. Now, when an Islamic holiday comes around it feels like an afterthought. I have that moment of getting annoyed with myself that I wasn't paying attention to the calendar. I shouldn't have to feel like I need to watch the calendar, I want these holidays to feel like an innate part of my life, like I do with Christmas and Easter, as a part of what happens to mark the passing of a year.
I want traditions. I want that happy buildup to a holiday. I don't want to celebrate it alone either; I am tired of that.
I guess I need to work on this. How does one create a tradition....just dictating it? Well...I'm definitely not going to be sacrificing any animals and give the meat to the poor today. I might have had some feeling that I should give to others this weekend, because I am scheduled to volunteer this evening and tomorrow night. Now, I just want to partake of a meal with family....next item to figure out....