Sunday, July 02, 2017

No witty title available....just imagine that I wrote something brillant here anyway though, k?

Tonight is the Eve of another new beginning.  I start a new position tomorrow.

For the past five months I've been working at Utah Community Action.  My sole job responsibility was payroll.  While I learned alot in my short time there, I was also painfully bored most of the time.  There wasn't enough for me to do.  In all honesty however, I have lost perspective on what is a realistic amount of work that a given person is supposed to be able to accomplish in an average work day.  I didn't, and I still don't, know how to come into a job and not feel completely and totally overwhelmed with my task list the second I come through the door.  I didn't access work email from home.  All of my email and tasks were finished at the end of every day.  Nothing went home with me.  I guess that it is supposed to be an healthy version of work....and it felt completely alien to me.  Even with me leaving the position, I had everything done when I left.  I had my replacement trained (well as much as she wanted to listen to me) and I also wrote a 32-page manual detailing all of the tasks my position did, timelines, etc before I left.   Yes.....I wrote 32-pages of detailed step-by-step instructions.  This means that I am more thorough and anal than most people realize.  I teared up when I left the office on Friday afternoon, and I will miss the people I worked with.  But I won't miss the job, or the boredom of constantly trying to beg extra tasks off of people. 

Tomorrow I start as Program Manager at the Utah Developmental Disabilities Council.  Its a job where I get to do and develop programs....not have to wear fifteen-million other hats.  Don't get me wrong, I like the finance stuff, but after my time at UCA....I definitely can't do just that all day.  I need to be out and working with people.  And I'll get to do that.  I should be ecstatic....but if the past year has taught me anything, I need to be wary of the universe giving me a simultaneous pat on the back and punch in the gut....because it seems to be happening all too often lately. 

As a chronic procrastinator I need deadlines outside of myself that I can fight against.  I don't really have any of those at the moment.  It's weird and odd.  This weekend for example, yeah, there is a list of things that I "could" do....but it would make no difference to anyone else in the world if I did them or not.  So after I finished my job 3 hours, I took a shower and a a few chapters in a book and then made myself stop because I have stuff to do.  But I really don't.  I feel....what I guess is relaxation....but it feels alien to me as well.  Normally writing helps me work this stuff out....but it doesn't seem to help.

Perhaps instead of the paragraphs above I just should have put this: Finished one job, starting a new one.  Still fairly mixed up in the head, likelihood of that getting fixed anytime in the near future- nil.

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