hostile work environment

This is mainly in response to a comment on a previous post...I wouldn't say that the work environment at the university is hostile on the whole, I actually love my job and the other people in the office...but it is amazing how one person can affect your entire outlook on work. I hear her door open down the hall and I tense up, my breathing becomes irregular and when she speaks to me it takes a tremedous amount of control to not lash out to defend myself in some way.

Earlier this week when I was talking to our AA, we discussed that it is in both of our natures not to react to conflict...and so nothing becomes resolved. That is why they are forcing this meeting upon us to that hopefully something will be resolved. However, I really don't think anything will come of it, the bug will pretend to listen and take everything to heart, and things might be fine for a week or so and then they will go right back to normal and I will have to be the one to "learn to deal".

I have a little over an hour to prepare for the meeting. Our AA advised us to make notes of what we wanted to say for the meeting and what started as a couple of lines that I thought would only deal with the personal issues I have and not the professional ones that I should be dealing with...it has turned into a mini-epic. But I think that I have it centralized along the same basic theme...it all comes down to respect and truth. Her behavior towards me (the baby talk, the constant looking at my computer screen to watch what I am doing, the lack of listening to me so that I have to tell her something a million times) all shows a lack of respect for me. How can I respect someone who doesn't respect me? And I know that I should try to be above all of that--putting your bias behind and being forgiving and all of that---but I can't anymore. Isil told me once that for someone who annoyed me so much it must mean that I care about her. And maybe that is true on some level...maybe if I didn't care about my job or my fellow human beings that do have some impact on my job...I wouldn't care and I wouldn't be so annoyed. The fact remains however that I am annoyed and I really don't like being as upset as I have been lately.
Back to the respect thing...if I can't respect someone I can't really trust them as well, and I see her doing a lot of things that she shouldn't and in an effort to save my ass, I am defensive about it.

Well I better go and ready myself. The goal is to get all that I have to say out and not cry. I will keep everyone posted.