A Confession...of sorts

I figure that at this point in this whole ordeal that people are starting to suspect and I might as well come clean...if anything to have the relief of being able to post about my own feelings again.

Mr.3 is still not home, and yes, he is still in a VA hospital. He isn't only being treated for a problem with his leg (which the doctors believe to be related to him coming in contact with some sort of a nerve agent at some point during his military career), my husband is also being treated for PTSD.

It has been over a month....I think my mom has placed the time away at 6 weeks....since I last saw my husband in Denver. For close to two weeks I wasn't sure where he was, he wouldn't talk to me, and I was petrified that he had left me. He has been in the VA system for a solid month now. He was supposed to come home a 10 days ago when he was transferred from Colorado to Utah. But with delays with legal issues and health issues and the VA's inability to process paperwork correctly have not made it so conditions were alright for his departure. In fact, yesterday we were sure that he would be able to leave, and found out that he would be there for a couple more days waiting while some other database records were updated. I should be able to visit him at the hospital this morning....I need to visit him for so many reasons that it would take a book to list them all...and with luck he will be placed in a private room tonight so that I can spend time with him.

The hell of fire and brimstone would be a paradise compared to what I have been through the past couple of months. Fear and doubt and heartache can be incredibly taxing. There will be a lot of issues regarding trust that Mr.3 and I will have to work out. And the road in front of us will be pretty nasty to get through.

For family members who read my blog, and for my many friends around the world that read this too...know that I am ok (for the moment). And that no matter what happens in the long-term, I will be ok. I will continue to have my (many!) fragile moments, and times when I just don't want to talk to anyone...I don't want you to think that I am pushing you away, but I will be vocal about when I need my space (my mom can attest for that).

I truly value and appreicate all of the support that I have had from my family and friends through this ordeal. I am very thankful for all of those that have loved and supported me. Thank you.