Silence

My silence is linked to my husband's. It has been 88 hours since I last heard from my husband. I was helpless to find him before and I find myself equally helpless now. Except now I am filled with dread...something bad has happened to him and I am left without being able to help.

I have not been able to verify this entire time if my husband is really seeking help at the VA. The local VA denies that he is a patient, and the regional VA will only tell me that they do have a record of him in their system but that they cannot tell me anymore. And basically the only information that I have had about Mr.3 has come from Mr. 3 himself.

This week has been especially disturbing. According to Mr.3, in response to an email that he sent out to a congressman , there was a meeting with all of his doctors, etc., to discuss Mr.3's issues. They apparently hadn't been paying attention to him when he said that he wanted to go home, because they hear that from their patients all of the time. Tuesday he was told that he was going to be released on Friday morning. I got to talk to him for 10 minutes on Wednesday evening; in which he told me that he was to be able to get a 30 minute call on Thursday to arrange the details of his release on Friday. He didn't call on Thursday. I have received no contact whatsoever from him.

Worried is an understatement, as well as distraught.

I have been grateful that people have stopped asking about him because it saves me from crying in front of them. I cry at the oddest of things. Libby said the word "children" the other day and I completely lost it.

I don't want to envision a future without Mr.3 but I feel that I have to be prepared for it as well. Life will have to go on even though I feel as my heart has stopped.