Monday, December 04, 2006

Cheese Fries with Jimmy

Again, my brother impresses me with his maturity.

Last night I made him make dinner...cheese fries...delicious.

After reading the comments left of GV by Metin and Murat I was upset, and Jimmy was so kind to listen to me cry over the whole thing. And he hugged me too...which I also needed.

I left a snide comment on Murat's blog...he included two separate jabs at me in his blogroll update and closed with "Hopefully no one's feelings are hurt". I left the comment that it was "too late". Perhaps I shouldn't have left it, because the last thing that I want to do is to start some "internet fight" and I don't have the stamina to stay mad at someone in real life let alone the cyber world. But the comments that they have left have hurt me deeply and partly...it is my fault.

Fault 1- I made the mistake in thinking of these guys as friends of mine. We have emailed frequently and in the case of Murat talked on the phone. Murat and Metin have consistantly been the ones to send me words of encouragement and support through these tough times....they knew of my situation and seemed to understand.

Fault 2- I believed both Metin and Murat when they described themselves as "Progressive Turks", they have both written about the Kurdish question and how it needed to be re-evaluated. Now they have chosen to make up assumptions about my "Kurdish favoritism" on Global Voices...when I have perhaps been the harshest critic of the Kurds.

Of course the real possibility of their recent "ganging up" on me, could be the fact that their vanity is hurt because I haven't written about them...and somehow they think that by giving me some sort of "push" is going to make me brighten up to them and announce to my readership that everything they have to say is right. I really don't think that this is a case of Turkish nationalism but rather a case of their readership being down...and on this point, I am going to stop here...because I have many opinions on this that many would think are "self-serving" on my part.

I'm upset at the hypocrisy here...don't say that you are my friend and that you are concerned about what happens to me...when obviously, you don't.

5 comments:

Murat Altinbasak said...

"Of course the real possibility of their recent "ganging up" on me, could be the fact that their vanity is hurt because I haven't written about them...and somehow they think that by giving me some sort of "push" is going to make me brighten up to them and announce to my readership that everything they have to say is right. I really don't think that this is a case of Turkish nationalism but rather a case of their readership being down...and on this point, I am going to stop here...because I have many opinions on this that many would think are "self-serving" on my part."

If I said anything which made you feel bad, it was most certainly not deliberate. But the above words will ring in my ears for a regrettably long time, because it seems designed to sting. For the record, not a word of it is true. If I relied on Global Voices for traffic, my site would be shut down long ago, but this has nothing to do with you or the quality of your work. At any rate, your speculation about vanity, readership or a longing for your attention and praise is a little bit over the top. I've always thanked you profusely for your efforts on behalf of Turkish bloggers and for your consideration of my humble site.
Hopefully you will forgive me for stating the truth, let it roll off your back, and continue to cover the Turkish blogs. Exclude my site, it doesn't matter. I simply hope to see all the other Turkish blogs given coverage that is equal to the amount given to Kurdish ones. I can say bygones and move past this. Can you?
By the way, friends should not conceal their feeling from eachother, even if it hurts. Hopefully you agree.

Delal said...

Murat,
I would have liked you to comment privately to me before you felt that it was needed to post the comments that you did, not only on Global Voices, but also the comments on your blog post about my sites that went out to the Amerikan Turks group.

Your reference to public and private intriques me. You felt the need to publicly single me out-regardless of how good your intentions were--and yet you dislike me answering you in the same realm.

I am my own harshest critic, and my work on Global Voices or lack of it is something that is very prominent in my psyche.

I am also very critcal of all of my responses because I have the heavy burden of having to censor myself constantly because every word that I say is analysized. I envy your ability to say whatever you please without the consequences.

But you must have figured that your words would hurt....why else say that you 'hope no one's feelings were hurt'?

I am not going to "stay mad" at you or anything...because honestly...this whole thing has taken up too much of my time already. My bygones have been sent, but I will be weary for a while.

metin said...

I don't want to speak for Murat. But I thought when Murat said "Hopefully no feelings are hurt," he was referring also to bloggers that he may have left out, or the bloggers who write in Turkish and therefore are not really the 'Amerikan Turk' audience, and get less mention than those of us who write in English.

As for the "I really don't think that this is a case of Turkish nationalism but rather a case of their readership being down" comment, neither of the choices are true. I am neither a nationalist nor am I begging for readership that you provide.

If anything, I believe I bring readership to your blog with the colorful posts and comments I have been providing your readership with. I remember many instances where the Kurds don't even leave comments on the Kurdistance posts.

We need to stop this rhetoric and over-sensitivity and the drama, and get back to work.

So far I've only written commentaries about this. I don't want to have to write a post about it on my blog too. Just Kidding.

It's obvious that leaving comments are the nly way t get a response. And even then, only if the comments are about you Deborah. Now that to me seems like a sign that you're overworked, and under many other pressures. Maybe it's time to admit the real reasons behind the latest slowdown in the number of posts, Turk or Kurd.

Anyway best wishes for the holiday season and time to move on!

Delal said...

I wonder what you think the "real reason" is for the slow down in posts? Is there something that I have missed? Are you saying that I have some other motive? Do you think that there is another reason why besides me being overworked and dealing with a ton of stuff in my personal life at the moment?

Delal said...

oh, and I left a comment on Global Voices answering some of the accusations thrown at me there. It hasnt shown up yet, so I can only assume that the comment is still in moderation.

Perhaps with a "public" ommission of my failures the two of you will get off of my back.