the depression is bad today

so far I have done really really well with not being too depressed with this whole situation, but not today.

I got 2 new tires today. I figured that I won't be able to pay rent this month or next without some major help anyway...and keeping the car going is important for work. Driving with the new tires is a night and day difference. And my Dad would be proud, I made sure to get a tire gauge so that I can check the tire pressure.

Then I dropped off books and stuff due to the library. Unfortunately Mr.3 has some stuff that I can't re-new and I am now paying fines on that. I am not sure what I am going to do about it.

After that, I went to the grocery store and bought 30 dollars of crap justified only by the fact that I knew that my brother would benefit from it. I just want to spend and spend. When I am depressed I want to shop, and I get depressed because I have no money...It is a horrible cycle.

Talked to Mr.3 for a few minutes this morning. He said that he was going to get some answers today, but no news as of yet. I do like having a cell phone back, it is nice not having to wait by the phone constantly. Either way, the missing of him is really bad.... I applied for an extra education loan today to hopefully defer the costs of everything until this is all sorted out....but knowing the fact that my credit is ruined I will probably get turned down for it. After that I have one more place to go and then...well I have no idea after that.

Here's to the weekend everyone.