Tuesday, January 08, 2008

The Reveal

I have spent most of the past three days notifying family and friends about what has happened. This post will mainly be the 'reader's digest' version...and more and more details will come out as I can divulge them or as I am ready to reveal them.

First of all, Mr.3 will not be coming back. Our marriage is over.

On Saturday, I received a phone call from someone trying to find my brother. He had apparently left in the middle of the night on the 19th of December from a house in Maryland. My initial reaction was that they had the wrong person. It was after a few minutes of this individual telling me alot about myself that I asked how old this person was. They said that he was 39 years old, and a lightbulb went off in my head.

Mr.3 stole my little brother's identity.

Sometime during the three weeks that he was home last January, Mr.3 stole my brother's social security card. He then went to DC for a job (we remember this whole saga, yes?). He was employed for a brief time with a big name consulting firm as a Middle East analyst....he used my brother's name as his...and was using the title of Dr.

But wait, there is more....

Mr.3 not only started anew job-wise, but relationship-wise. He met a very nice woman named Kathy. They dated for a while and he moved in with her in July. They were making plans to buy a house together, they were making plans to marry. She even bought him a dog, a corgi named Nigel.

He left her in the middle of the night...taking his stuff with him. The next day she learned much much more. Such as he had opened three credit cards in her name and has left her with $32,000 of debt. He rang up this amount in one month.

So...as you can imagine...Saturday was a difficult day for me. I found that my husband was a thief, severely hurt my brother, and cheated on me.

Luckily, I was able to give Kathy and a cop-friend of hers alot of information: his history, his real name, and lots of helpful documents.

After I rung up the phone (and luckily Libby was there when they called)the first thing that I did was unwrap all of the Christmas gifts of his that we have had waiting for him under the tree. I then had to call my parents to tell them the news. After that I was drawn by an intense need to buy new pillows for the bedroom (as his smell has stayed within them). Before we left to go and buy my new pillows, I removed my wedding ring.

Telling Jimmy was hard, really hard...especially as he was beginning to warm to the idea of trying to work things out with Mr.3. There was alot of swearing, but he calmed down.

There is some funny about this situation...mainly the fact that Jimmy has been elevated to the rank of doctor and that he was engaged to a woman. And while I know that I have a difficult road ahead of me...at least I am not in Kathy's position with the debt and a dog....oh, and that whole thing of finding out that her fiance was already married.

So where from here? I am sure that you will probably have alot of questions and I will do the best that I can to answer them in the coming days. Jimmy and I have both put fraud alerts on our credit. I am going to try to get off the school loans that Mr.3 fraudulently co-signed me on...and we need to be able to find out and combat the damage done to Jimmy's credit. Keep in mind he opened his first checking account only about a month or so ago...he was just starting out, only to find out that someone had stolen it before him. I am working on the divorce/annulment angle. And also....I have managed to find solace for this heartache in Kathy. Oddly enough, the two of us are becoming friends, as both of us are going through the same thing. The debt issues and the marriage issues are one thing, but both of us are dealing with the fact that a man that we loved has left us in a horrible, horrible way. There is something that can be said for finding friends in strange places.

****I do need to say that no one is allowed to say "I knew it" or "I told you so". Doing so will result in some visceral reactions from me. This is not an 'I told you so' situation...because no one could predict this...ever. And by saying "I knew it" or "I told you so" also means that you are implying that I am an idiot...and I did nothing wrong in this situation. I know that alot of people who knew Mr.3 are personally wounded by this, because he was their friend too. I know that alot of people feel guilt at not being able to figure him out before it was too late. I can't help you resolve that guilt...so please don't try to make me make you feel better...because I can't and I won't. And I know that it is polite to say that you're sorry, but you have nothing to be sorry for. I will however except "that sucks", "shit that's awful" and "fuck".****


Anonymous said...

Un-friggin-believable . . .

At least you are (hopefully) able to bring closure to this terrible situation.

He needs help!

Delal said...

Surprisingly this situation brings with it alot of closure. After I hung up the phone on Saturday...I felt weight lifted from me.

Glenn said...

This kind of thing is more common than you'd think.Take a look at the third post on Jan.6 at
Change the locks and celebrate your new life.


Murat Altinbasak said...

It's Miller time..

Delal said...

Forget the Miller...I have over half a case of Oktoberfest import beer (his of course) that I am gonna crack open. Hell, I paid for it anyway (through the nose), I should enjoy it!

Ann said...

Holy fuck is all I can say. Sweetie, I am glad you have come to the end of this trail, only to start down the trail of fixing your life, and your brother's apparently. Good riddance and call me if you need me.

Laceski said...

"Shit, that sucks" is right! At least the mystery has been solved and you can start rebuilding your life and move on. Hang in there!