Thursday, February 28, 2008

Getting Help Isn't Easy

A couple of weeks ago I made my appointment to speak with a counselor. I read through all the bios of people and I picked someone with a PTSD background. I made an appointment to meet with them, and I have had to wait close to three weeks to get an appointment with this person.

On Monday I got a call asking me to reschedule my appointment (originally set for today) to tomorrow at one. I agreed. No big deal, but I was slightly annoyed.

Today I get the reminder call....but the lady calling me told that my appointment was NOT with the person that I had been waiting three weeks for, but for someone named "Fritzie". When she said "Fritzie" I thought she was joking (partly because I pictured a hamster when she said the name) and I asked if that was a nickname or something. No, that is the actual person's name, Fritzie- her professional name.

Apparently the person that I have been waiting for, that I specially picked because of her background, is leaving...and Fritzie is taking over her clients. This new person doesn't have the background that I is just some family social work background. I need someone who has a background in PTSD and/or sociopathy, I need someone who can help me understand Mr.3 so that I can get passed this. And I don't care if Fritzie is nice and that "I will like her" as the anonymous office person on the phone said.... I want who I chose. I want the person that I was waiting for.

I guess that the Employee Assistance Program doesn't feel that it is necessary to tell their clients when there is a major change. They are only there for their emotional health anyway, right? Because we all must be clearly stable enough to handle these sorts of things. The last time I went in, which was literally the WORST day of my life....the day that Mr.3 was arrested and I found out about his real name....I went in to them for emergency help. The "therapist" had never heard of PTSD. I had to explain it to her. The session was awful. It did me more harm than good.

It is because of that experience that I have been reluctant to get help up until this point. And to be treated like this. Last time I went, the "therapist" blamed me, yes I said BLAMED me, for being supportive to my husband. And when I was feeling so confident in going...and actually so confident lately about myself that I almost canceled the I am to be thrust on to someone who I don't know if they can help me.

I'm crying in my office again.

I can't emotionally handle going through a bad experience again....I can't. I've been doing so well with picking up the pieces that if I break again I don't know if I will be able to glue myself together.


Goran said...

Hi Delal, I posted this message before. I hope you got it:

Hi Delal, I have some inquiries about the KBU blog that has been inactive for quite some time. Will it ever be revived?

If not, would you or someone else be willing to release it to another group of individuals who want to actively write on the Kurdish issues?

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