Getting Help Isn't Easy

A couple of weeks ago I made my appointment to speak with a counselor. I read through all the bios of people and I picked someone with a PTSD background. I made an appointment to meet with them, and I have had to wait close to three weeks to get an appointment with this person.

On Monday I got a call asking me to reschedule my appointment (originally set for today) to tomorrow at one. I agreed. No big deal, but I was slightly annoyed.

Today I get the reminder call....but the lady calling me told that my appointment was NOT with the person that I had been waiting three weeks for, but for someone named "Fritzie". When she said "Fritzie" I thought she was joking (partly because I pictured a hamster when she said the name) and I asked if that was a nickname or something. No, that is the actual person's name, Fritzie- her professional name.

Apparently the person that I have been waiting for, that I specially picked because of her background, is leaving...and Fritzie is taking over her clients. This new person doesn't have the background that I need...it is just some family social work background. I need someone who has a background in PTSD and/or sociopathy, I need someone who can help me understand Mr.3 so that I can get passed this. And I don't care if Fritzie is nice and that "I will like her" as the anonymous office person on the phone said.... I want who I chose. I want the person that I was waiting for.

I guess that the Employee Assistance Program doesn't feel that it is necessary to tell their clients when there is a major change. They are only there for their emotional health anyway, right? Because we all must be clearly stable enough to handle these sorts of things. The last time I went in, which was literally the WORST day of my life....the day that Mr.3 was arrested and I found out about his real name....I went in to them for emergency help. The "therapist" had never heard of PTSD. I had to explain it to her. The session was awful. It did me more harm than good.

It is because of that experience that I have been reluctant to get help up until this point. And to be treated like this. Last time I went, the "therapist" blamed me, yes I said BLAMED me, for being supportive to my husband. And now.....now when I was feeling so confident in going...and actually so confident lately about myself that I almost canceled the appointment....now I am to be thrust on to someone who I don't know if they can help me.

I'm crying in my office again.

I can't emotionally handle going through a bad experience again....I can't. I've been doing so well with picking up the pieces that if I break again I don't know if I will be able to glue myself together.