Monday, March 03, 2008

Defining Happiness

Not quite sure what to make of my appointment on Friday yet, although I will give it a couple trys to see if this helps. She did ask me a weird question though...

What makes me happy?

And the answer is that I am not really sure. She was looking for some black and white answer, and I can't give that. I can't see my life in terms as just happy and sad. There are shades of gray to it. I find things that give me satisfaction, things that calm me.... but I wouldn't say that unequivelantly that one of those things qualifies as making me happy. I think that happiness is more internal than that....more subjective on a person's mindset than on specific items. It has more to do with the how all the little things add up into the whole picture.

Libby says that three years ago I would have been able to answer that question. The thing is, I don't know what I would have said back then. I do know that before Mr.3 I felt really trapped. I was trapped by debt, trapped by my desires in life, tied down. And this isn't to say that Mr.3 "saved me from my entrapment", in fact I still felt trapped in many ways when I was with him.

Now, I don't feel trapped. I guess you could say that I feel "happy" with where I am in my life. What I have I worked for myself. I am no longer trapped by debt. I am content with my job, I love my job! I don't feel like I am trapped in Salt Lake anymore....I want to stay here. I love it here! I live in a nice house, I have friends that love me, and I have found a new source of strength and patience that I never knew I had. It was tough finding it and surviving it....but damn am I glad that I have it.

So....maybe in that sense....I am happy.

And you know what? I'm having coffee with a friend on Wednesday, and that pretty much kicks ass!


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