Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Comps Saga- Sure to be Part 1 of Many

Tick, tock, tick, tock....the time is winding down to me finally finishing my masters degree. Last Friday I was sent the questions for the take-home part of my comprehensive exams. Three classes are being test via the take home (due Thursday the 26th), and three classes are being tested via a lab exam (March 31). There is supposed to be an oral defense of the exams, but I don't know when that is, sometime between turning the exams in and April 4th.

Of course finishing will be a relief, but I'm being hit with a HUGE load of emotional crap. And it isn't anxiety about the tests....actually I am pleasantly surprised with the fun challenge that the comps questions are presenting.....the problem is in reviewing the course work....because rather than paying attention in class and being a good student when I was in these classes two years ago, I was writing jail letters to my deadbeat ex-husband during the class or was freaking out over one lie or another that he had told me and was failing mid-terms.

Sunday night I couldn't put it off anymore and had to go searching for the last of my class notes. In the back corner of the nephi room are banker boxes filled with classnotes from me and Mr.3. About 1/5 of all the stuff I went through was mine....and I was torn between just throwing out everything that has his writing on it, or going through it all in detail to find all evidence of wrong-doing to hand over to the feds. There was so much waste...half used notebooks...mounds of printed papers. I still haven't purchased a new printer.....Mr.3 took the last two I bought with him and pawned them along the way. He was always printing things that he never needed...honestly, I know that he was studying terrorism, but is it nessacary to print out an Al-Qaida training manual translated into English? I don't think so. I also can't find a book that I need to study for the lab portion of my comps with....I'm pretty sure that Mr.3 sold it back at a textbook sale, which really annoys me.

Going through the boxes was hard and I guess that he was on my mind while I slept, as on Monday morning the house phone started to ring at 7:15am. I was wokened out of a dead sleep and ran to the phone expecting to hear his voice on the other end. Which freaked me out a bit. I do not want to hear his voice, but I spent so much of my life in the past 2-3 years waiting and hoping for him to call...that I guess in a time where sad rememberances are popping up all over the place that strange sub-conscious things would crop up too.

In any case, I just need to survive and do well this month and then I will be able to put alot of this behind me. Once I get word that I have passed my comps....and I WILL pass them...I am going to go through the storage boxes and throw out ALL of the school stuff I have, mine and Mr.3's.

I will get through this.

And now back to working on my comps question from my CBI class.

No comments: