Wednesday, August 04, 2010

The Baby Decision and Other Momentous News

That is what going on, stuff.
Decisions, thoughts, and the occasional call to my mom that leaves her speechless.
That is what has been going on.....lots and lots of stuff.

I'll start with the news first. Prop 8 being ruled unconstitutional gives me much hope for my brother's future happiness. He's had more on an idea of what he wants for a wedding than I have ever had. One day, he will get that day under landscape arch.

Second on the news front. I haven't written very much on this blog of the horror what was the last 6-7 months of my employment at the MEC. Partly this is due to finding out that my former boss had printed out a page from my blog and supposedly was telling people that I was running a counterfeit id business.....and the fact that he was looking for strange and impossible means of firing me.... and he referred to me, my job, and the program it was under as an "abnormality that shouldn't have been allowed to survive". Well, for all of his changes, the new directions, and new programs that he was trying to implement, it apparently wasn't what the Department of Education wanted because he lost the grant that had funded the MEC for 50 years. I also find it funny that he apparently announced to the faculty (read the article comments) that the MEC had received the grant over a full week before the news that he didn't receive the money became public. Am I surprised? Not a bit. I feel bad for the staff and students at the center who have futures in I feel bad for my old boss? Not in the fact this has reaffirmed my belief in karmic payback.

Now on to the big news.....
It has become apparent that I need to re-evaluate some of my life plans. Oftentimes when I talk about having children I normally follow it with "its in the five year plan". The thing is, it has been in the five year plan for several years now.....and I keep pushing it back. It is sorta like the contractor in the movie "the Money Pit" saying that the work will be completed in two weeks and it takes like 10 times longer than that. I keep telling myself that I need to pay off all of my student loan debt before I have a child. To pay it all off will take me 8 years. 8 years! I'll be 39! When you add that to the fact that I am almost reduced to tears whenever I am around a small child the issue because much much worse. So instead of all this addition, I am doing some subtraction.

I plan to have a child within the next two years.

Research has started and the absolute earliest conception date would be November.....gotta start prenatal vitamins, you know. And well....there is alot of things that I am going to have to figure out. Money, daycare, sperm donation, there is I said it is in the research stage.

Here is what I do know.
*I have the space- if the worst happens and my parents need to move in with me, I'll share a room with the baby, if the best happens the baby will have a room all to his own.
*Unlike my brother, I never really knew what I wanted to do for my wedding, but I've had a birth plan decided on for ages. I even have names picked out: Evelyn if it is a girl, Owen if it is a boy. In fact, as I have had dreams for years that I have given birth to twins, I even have back up names: Eleanor and Eric (thanks Jimmy for the help on the last one).
*I've always loved kids, and have always wanted to be a mother. Not having this part of my life completed has caused me much heartache.
*There are still times when I can tell my Mom something that will leave her absolutely speechless.
* And while I may not be doing this in any traditional manner...I don't need to worry about having the support system of a spouse. I have family and friends who will be there willing to hold my hand. If I had any doubts, my little brother's reaction when I told him today was enough to wash those all away.

So, at the moment, it is only a decision. A happy one. One that have given me new focus. And it is a decision that can altered or changed along with life. But it is an important decision to have made.


BeastyBear said...

I am SO happy for you! I cannot wait to see the beautiful baby! SO happy for you! A name suggestion; Erin for a girl, and Aaron for a boy! =)

Amani said...

DO IT!!!! Being a mom is pretty amazing. I have been a single mother for almost 9 years now. It is the most wonderful, incredible and fulfilling thing you will ever do!!

Anonymous said...

So, how are the baby plans going? Just curious. I wish you much happiness!
~one of the anonymous ex's of your ex