Man With Van for Hire

I've probably been working on too many policies at work or been reading too many crimes novels lately, but yesterday when I was driving behind a white van that had a "Man with Van for Hire" sign on the back I kept trying to imagine what the service contract between the van driver and a serial killer would look like.

I'm guessing that there would definitely be a cleaning clause included. Such as "the signee agrees to place a tarp along the floor of the van to prevent damage to the vehicle. If in the case of any damage, the signee agrees to pay all cleaning costs". Of course, there would probably have to be a confidentiality clause of some sort....cause if I was a serial killer and hired a van, I would ask for that. It would read something like this:

It is understood and agreed to that the below identified discloser of confidential information may provide certain information that is and must be kept confidential. To ensure the protection of such information, and to preserve any confidentiality necessary under criminal and/or civil laws, it is agreed that

1. The Confidential Information to be disclosed can be described as and includes:

Victim identification, logistical information pertaining to location of body disposal and/or stalking grounds, weapons, methods of weapon use, lethality of all activities, the disposal of all miscellaneous evidence, any financial gain resulting from murderous activities, and current or future maiming plans and models, regardless of whether such information is designated as “Confidential Information” at the time of its disclosure or witnessing.

2. The Recipient agrees not to disclose the confidential information obtained from the discloser to anyone under threat of being labeled as an accomplice to the crime.

3. This Agreement states the entire agreement between the parties concerning the disclosure of Confidential Information. Any addition or modification to this Agreement must be made in writing and signed by the parties in their own blood.

4. If any of the provisions of this Agreement are found to be unenforceable, the remainder shall be enforced as fully as possible and the unenforceable provision(s) shall be deemed modified to the limited extent required to permit enforcement of the Agreement as a whole.

WHEREFORE, the parties acknowledge that they have read and understand this Agreement and voluntarily accept the duties and obligations set forth herein.

Hummmm..... I wonder if anyone has ever done that and used it in court. Might have to research that one a bit.

And now that you all think that I am a total psycho, I bid you a good night. :)