and why I want to beat his face in.
First off, I love my brother....even through all the theraphy that we have had to go through with him, throughout all of his 'dramatics' and 'hysterics', for the good and the bad, I love the little shit. But there are moments when I hate him fiercely. Today would be one of those days.
First off, my Mom sends me an email telling me (in the beginning section) that she is know the proud owner of 4 hermit crabs. This last weekend when my family was visiting, Jimmy convinced my mom to buy him a couple of Strawberry Hermit Crabs, these are more expensive, and an addition that he has been looking forward to making within his little hermit crab family. There was a catch to these however, he had to raise up his grades and clean his room by last Friday. One of the classes that he needed to work on wasn't going to be updated until yesterday, he got a D, he lost the crabs and visitation rights to them. So now my Mom gets to keep them for herself. At the end of the email, my mom wrote a frantic all capitalized note saying that she had just gotten a call from the school, something was wrong with Jimmy and that she needed to get down there as soon as possible.
Well Jimmy and his friends have been playing with home-made Weegie Boards at school. Apparently during science class he began to talk to himself and then freaked out because "whoever he was 'talking' with" had told him that the Devil was going to get him. First problem, obviously messing with the board. Now, I messed around with this stuff in 8th grade and scared myself shitless (we had supposedly opened some portal to hell...real long story)..and even though he and his friends insist that they are talking only to "friendly spirits", I'm sorry but that is just an open door and who knows who is going to walk through it. Second, regardless of the fact whether or not you believe in it, he shouldn't be doing it, not at home, not at school, not at all. And thirdly, I suspect that this is another way of him pushing my mom's buttons. When I talked to my Mom after her meeting with the school counsolers she was a mess, crying and freaking out about my brother. The amount of emotional bull that he has been pulling on her and the rest of my family for years is sickening. We have had therapists tell us in the past that he pulls shit on purpose: to control, to dominate, to have his own way because he is incapable of really being able to have empathy or sympathy for others. It is a sick game that he plays and he dragged my mother down with him today.
The school officials said that he needs to "get help", my parents are still trying to find a way to pay for the last time that he needed to "get help". So he has a shrink appointment for next week, but until then, who knows what he is going to come up with.
I called and yelled at him this evening. I told him that he shouldn't be messing with it, it's dangerous. His behavior needs to be checked and if I heard of him continuing to mess around with this stuff I would haul his ass down to the local priest so that they could have a "chat". (Now for those who know me, that last statement might sound odd, I am Muslim, my mom is Catholic and my dad is Lutheran...I was raised to find my own path but I still carry a great amount of respect for aspects of Catholism--and no one messes better with the devil than the Catholics) I also told him that if he doesn't shape up I would gladly help my father pay to send him off to military school.
The strange thing was that he didn't fight with me, barely grunted answers to my questions. Now I know that he is mad at me, but nothing will happen with him, because it never does...I vent and vent and vent...but he never listens, he never cares...and it hurts to love someone as much as I do and to still have the knowledge that nothing really matters to that person besides their wants. I suspect that by the time this week is out, one of two things will happen: One, he will forget that I was ever angry at him, and this weekend when we visit for Easter will be like any other weekend, or Two, he is going to pull some other stunt that is worse than this one, and Mr.3 will get a real dose of my family in full fighting form.
The other thing that bothers me about all of this is the fact that I had that dream about the family fighting last Thursday night. It was like I predicted it...and that worries me, because again nothing was resolved and I had to go back on my pills for my stomach again. I had to take 2 today, and I was an inch within dropping everything to drive the 2 hours down to my parents to console my mom.
God, he is such a prick!
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