Thursday, April 13, 2006

An Update

My uncle was hospitalized last week and we have learned that he is in the late stages of cancer of the esopagus and that it has spread to his liver and possibly the stomach and pancreas. Mr.3 and I offered to have him come and live with us: we are a five minute drive to the Huntsman Cancer Institute, we have room, we have the energy, and most importantly we have the time. But my uncle is a stubborn and selfish man. He only wants to go down and move in with my grandfather...who is 86 years old and struggling with cancer himself. Somehow my uncle believes that everything will be hunky dory and that all of the ancient aunts and uncle that live in California will be able to take care of a 55 year old man dying of cancer and undergoing chemo. The worst part is that my grandparents are going to let him. I understand why they are doing this, and I can understand them thinking that they will be physically and mentally able to handle this situation. But my mom, my aunt Kathy and Mr.3 think that they don't seem to realize how difficult it will really be.

I think that the most disappointing part of this whole situation is that my uncle, a grown man of the ripe age of 55, is still operating under the delusion that his parents can take care of him. There is a point where the parent is no longer able to take care of themselves and the younger generations must become the caretakers. We are worried that instead of one funeral, that it will be three. It is also insulting the way my uncle has been acting towards my mom, his only sister. He kepts referring to her as not part of the family...like there is only grandpa and him in this world.....this coming from the man who has ignored his family for years and lives like a hermit, only coming to the family when he needs something. Mr.3 and I are willing to give up a hell of alot for him----Mr.3 hasn't even met the man----and we are willing to give him the 24/7 care that he needs and he won't even consider our offer.

This is eating my mom alive and I hate to watch this happening....no one deserves to be treated like this by their family.

1 comment:

Murat Altinbasak said...

Delal, hope your uncle's situation changes for the better. I'd caution against taking a house guest long term, especially for newlyweds. The first year of marriage is the toughest, don't amke it tougher. Am I the master of giving unsolicited advice or what?

Hey we miss your eloquent contributions to Global Voices. No one can fill your shoes, so I hope you don't relinquish the responsibility. Take care.