First of all, and I am sure that this probably doesn't need to be stated, but if you comment on my blog....if you enter into my cyber-realm (I so need a crown!)....anything you say is free game for me to comment on.
Second of all....it amazes me that based on one paragraph of writing that I did in 2004, that today, someone can completely make up their mind about who I am. So on this ill-fated blog-post of 2004, I wrote about someone I knew from High School....someone who was a complete jerk to me after high school (and to several other people as well)...and also someone who, back in 2004, I heard something funny about and posted it. The information I posted was based on my assumptions at the time and second-hand information that I had heard about him.
Well...today, he commented on the blog post just to correct by facts. In normal circumstances, I would have been pleased and surprised to hear from him...especially since I had seen him (and his haircut which was silly-I won't deny that) a couple weeks ago at the mall. I had seen him and at the time purposely avoided saying hello to him, because I didn't want a repeat treatment of how he had treated me before. (Not that he noticed me anyway...but he felt secure enough to call me a "stalker"-wait...I am getting ahead of the story...) In normal circumstances I would have been pleased to hear from him, and might have sent him an email telling him that it was nice to hear from him and that I did in fact have my facts wrong, and the evidentable "so I saw you at the Mall, your children are adorable, and how are things?" yada yada yada and so on. But these aren't normal circumstances, because after he "corrected" me he said: "It's funny how your point of view is effected by your emotions. Bitter party of one."
And it begins. You can read the comments (note the plural here because he commented twice at the time of this posting), but I would like to decontruct his last sentence.
First, "It's funny how your point of view is effected by your emotions." Well, it isn't funny but quite normal actually...everyone's point of view is "affected". Following on the play of words here, "affect" being emotionally driven and "effect" causing something. So then are emotions caused by the point of view or does your point of view influence your emotions? Regardless of this philosophical and linguistic puzzle...let's just say that he is not saying anything new or profound.
The second sentence really is what got me. "Party of one" is wrong, because I am not a party of one and haven't been for quite some time....in fact, in the aforementioned blog post...I was not a party of one then, and I even mentioned Mr.3. "Bitter" is what really gets me. And I wouldn't have been that concerned over his comments, if he hadn't called me bitter. Even through all of the hell that I have been through lately...I wouldn't call myself bitter. Bitter people aren't as optimistic as I am.....and bitter people aren't as nice as I am to people....in fact, if I was bitter...I would have killed someone by now. I will admit that if you call me "bitter", yes I will react back. But I would react back if anyone called me any sort of a name. That and there is a connotation that is allied with a "bitter woman" that of someone who is so consumed by their bitterness that they are unable to move on from that bitterness. But I HAVE moved on. And I am only commenting on it today...because I found it so damn funny.
The hilarity continues as he commented back on my jibe that he has learned to google his name to tell me that he (and it is such a stereotypical remark) that he "doesn't care" what I think. But he must....if he didn't care, why correct me in the first place...and why feel the need to correct me AND call me bitter if he didn't care? Furthermore....he also "cared" enough to CHECK BACK TO THE POST and comment again...to tell me that "he didn't care."
He has accused me of making assumptions about him. I admit, I did. I have been corrected in my information. However, the manner of his correction did nothing to sway the opinion that I have of him. Yes, I don't know him anymore....I can only base my opinion of him being a jerk on his actions towards me when I last met and spoke to him. He also doesn't know ME anymore...but he felt no issues in labeling me as bitter based solely on a blog post that I wrote in December of 2004. I am not saying that I am the better person here (keep in mind that I can say that though, especially since this is my blog), but we need to remember that he is not the better person either.
2 comments:
I had no idea you disliked me so much, or thought so little of me, anyway. I guess everyone makes assumptions. I assumed that we were still on some sort of a civil basis and tried to make light of the subject with some gentle teasing with what I thought was just friendly banter by saying "bitter, party of one" and "what the stalker" or whatever i said. (you can choose to believe that or not) Had I known you honestly felt this ill toward me I would have tried to be more tactfull. That is my fault for assuming our friendship was still in tact. Again, I am sorry. I do think it is unfair for you to imply I make hasty judgements when you have decided I am a total jerk just because I didn't show more interest in you one random day. From what I gather, you know all about what it feels like to have a whole bunch going on that others dont know about, and I would hope you would give someone a second chance. I did give a long list of the things that didn't matter as much to me, but you recall that I did say I cared about people twisting things up about me. I do care that you think I am a jerk and I care that I was rude to you that day. I have already appologized for that. I was hoping that would be helpful. That is why I checked back. Thats why I check back again now. Sorry this is all public, I don't really know how else to get ahold of you. Next time you see me at the mall I hope we get a chance to catch up and smooth all this over.
All right then. I don't assume that any of my friendships from high school are intact, unless I have kept in touch with that individual. Especially in instances where all contact ceased when classes ended.
Impressions can be easily formed, including on "random days" when you haven't seen someone for years. And on that "random day" I had felt that you had gone out of your way to be rude to me. We may have "friendly teased" in high school, but we never teased in the manner that you chose to address me in on this format.
I am all for second chances. And honestly, I don't have the energy to keep and hold a grudge...I have much better things to do with my time and emotions.
So I accept your apology, and I hope that you will accept mine.
From here, I don't know where we go. I would say that we have gained terms of civility (and I hope that you agree with me that we are). We can agree to say hi to each other next we meet...or we can try to begin the friendship again.
I am very curious about your life and what is happening with you. Your girls were adorable when I saw them, and I find it great that you are a teacher. I train teachers in my job at the Middle East Center. Are you still at Jordan or have you moved to bigger prospects? If you feel that you do want to keep in touch, my email is deborah.ann.dilley@gmail.com. I thought that I had it listed on my blog, but apparently it isn't, so I will try to update it.
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