Wednesday, December 26, 2007

New Depths of Cruelty?

Christmas morning, in the middle of unwrapping gifts, I get a phone call. It was a Utah number that I didn't recognize. I answer and it was Mr.3. As soon as I heard his voice I ran out of the room to cry and talk to him in another room.

As I completely blubbered on the phone, he told me that they had released him that morning. He had paperwork and letters from the doctors. He was going to get a ride home from one of the other guys that he was with. He said that he would call me again at lunch time and at dinner time. I said that he should call me from the house phone. All-in-all it was a seven minute phone call that left me unsure of how to feel.

Before lunch I had decided that I wouldn't just drop everything and come home early. This vacation is not my vacation alone, but Jimmy's and my parent's opportunity to see us. I was willing to try to come home one day early, but I needed to verify that Mr.3 was actually home, first. And really...I need some time. I can't go back to the way that we were. And I was/am worried about how I am going to react to seeing him.

So what started out as possibly being a great holiday turned into a horrible one. He never called me back. I called the house all day, I called his cell phone all day. I did not call the number he called me from yesterday. He said it was a cell phone number of one of the guy's wife's that he was in the program with. I also didn't call the number because I don't want to be the crazy wife trying to track down her husband again...and honestly...I shouldn't have to.

I sent him a particularly angry email last night, left messages, checked messages...and so far, nothing from him. I may or may not call the cell phone that he called from yesterday, I haven't decided yet.

But why? Why is the question that I am left with. Why lie to me about something as monumental as him being released? Who in their right fucking mind, tells someone that they supposedly love, who has been waiting for them for 10 months, that they have been released and then not call them back? Is this some sort of sick Christmas gift, I'm gonna tell her what she wants to hear? How does he know that that was something I wanted? Because honestly, the only thing that I wanted from him, was just to hear his voice. And I got that...and then I got that little extra. That extra which now, the morning after, doesn't feel like a good gift, but that I have been tainted by someone/something downright evil.

I hope that I am wrong. I sincerely hope that my husband is not as evil as that, but I just don't know anymore.

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