Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Dealing With Anger At Work

Normally I love to come to job 1 everyday, but not this past week. Be it frustration at work, or stress over her going on vacation for a week inbetween major projects, my boss -who is normally so nice and extremely wonderful to work with- has been a complete bear. She has been frustrated with the Model Arab League kids....and so has been chewing me out on their behalf. This is a similar situation where she was constantly chewing me out for the appearance of not working...when it was other employees in the center that the professors had complained about. At that time, I finally confronted her and asked if I was doing these things. When she said no, then I asked her to not lecture me anymore as if I was. She backed down. I had been hoping to be able to do the same thing with her on the MAL situation...but it didn't work out that way.

She has been making me send out nagging emails to the MAL guys....has been wanting me to be harsh in what I say to them, because she is angry. Then she undercuts me by sending out these nice request emails and is as sweet as punch to them. So basically for the past two weeks, she has been trying to make me the heavy and chewing me out for their behavior. Frustrating to say the least.

When I did MAL, there were two years where we had a co-ed room. For some reason it was perfectly fine when I was in the room...but she isn't comfortable with it now. Fine. Let's see...I'm trying to figure the best way to cover this story due to the timeline... Monday afternoon we had a meeting with the MAL kids. In the meeting I suggested the co-ed room option to save on hotel space (we will come back to this later).

Yesterday morning I was hoping that she would be satisfied with the meetings the previous day and she wouldn't go on at me about MAL. Wrong. After about an hour of her going on about it, she then tells me that the center director wouldn't let me work with the MALers on an official basis because I was in favor of co-ed rooms. (I haven't talked to him about it at all. We tried to have a meeting about it in the Fall but we never got to the point of discussing it.) I tried to talk to her about it then, because I know that the director would never say something like that. When I protested she simply said that "there was alot that I don't know that he knows about" and stomped off. And that was that. I finished the email that I was sending to her (which showed that I ordered extra hotel rooms anyway so that the co-ed room was not an issue anyway) and included a short note that I was quite angry about MAL, and so much so that I was not able to speak to her about it without crying.

Why? Because it isn't every day when your boss tells you the center director has no confidence in your work abilities because of some perceived moral defect in your character. This has hurt me deeply. One, to have your morality questioned, and two to have your morality questioned in the context of your ability to perform your job.

So I stewed on it all day yesterday. This morning, I talked to her. When I said that we needed to talk she said that she didn't have the time to deal with whatever I was blowing out of proportion. I said that I wasn't blowing anything out of proportion, that she had insulted me (of course, in me trying to get that out she interrupted me several times...and with me curtly responding that I wasn't finished with my sentence).

She said that she was upset with me for offering the co-ed option in the MAL meeting after she had expressed her disapproval of it. I apologized for that, but contended that I wasn't "pushing the option" as she had accused me of. She denied saying that she said that the director wasn't allowing me to do MAL because of my acceptance of the co-ed room idea. She told me that I was blowing it out of proportion (she said that several times), that it was nothing, and that she had nothing to apologize to me about. Then she proceeded to lecture me that by publicly advocating a co-ed room option (that many other people would disagree with) that I was reflecting myself badly for any future job advancement prospects at the center.

And that was that. So, I'm wrong, she's right...conversation over. Oh, and the director isn't giving me any extra responsibility because of my moral moral laxity is ruining my prospects for future employment. Yeah...that makes it sound better, doesn't it. Please.

Am I seriously going crazy here? I'm done talking to her about it. I should be used to being trashed anyway, right? Just learn my place....even if that means that my morality is questioned in my work abilities?

So, now I have the fake smile on my face...trying to be nice. We went to the Museum for an errand and decided to stay and have coffee. I was willing to buy my own, and in fact I tried to by a peace offering. But she won the fight at the cash register. I was attempting the peace offering to show her that I could still work with her in a civil manner even with the insult to my character...but she used it as an end to it all. And she is acting like nothing ever happened. Happy happy smile smile.

Thank goodness she is going on vacation for a week....maybe I will be able to forgive her after some time apart.

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