Most days I think that I am doing pretty well with the Mr.3 situation and then I have one of those days when you realize just how wrong that you are... Such as Monday when a friend came to talk to me in my office. Somehow I just started talking about Mr.3 and how confused I was...and I kept telling myself to shut up, "you're saying too much", "he doesn't need to know this", "shut up, shut up, shut up!" But I didn't. I kept rambling on and on....and I think that I scared him a bit and he definitely didn't deserve to be dragged down into me talking about it. Sorry Dylan.
I think that to some extent that it frustrates my friends and family (who want to know) that I don't talk about it much. Most of the time when I do everything seems to be spent on me trying to help them understand what has happened and trying to help them cope. This has so many victims...and I know that I am attending to myself last.
I know that I am a smart woman, I know that I did nothing wrong in this situation....I know that I did nothing to bring this on or cause it to happen. Knowing these things doesn't help with the fact that I have to deal with knowing that I had been left. That I had been used and abandoned. It even though I need to put him behind me....I still love him...quite a lot actually.
So I took a big step. I called my employee assistance program and made arrangements to meet with a counselor later in the month. So hooray for me.