& = Ampersand

So I went back on birth control- because I'm stupid and its convenient. This is week one back on them...and I'm frickin' ragin' hormonal. I'm doing a relatively decent job keeping it to myself but ugh! I really hate this! Part of me wants to just beat the tar out of something and the other part just wants to curl up under the covers and never ever leave the warmth of the bed. I think that I am over the rage hump (please, please, please let me be over the hump) cause I am not as angry or as frustrated as I have been the past two days. I need to surround myself with calming people....

In the meantime, I finally got around to getting Amanda Palmer's new album. I love it, especially this song called Ampersand. Oddly enough, I originally learned what an ampersand was from a Fry and Laurie comedy sketch.... but I digress, the lyrics of this song just really hit me, they are so profound...or at least they are in my current state of mind. (only small parts of the song lyrics are included)

i’m not gonna live my life
on one side of an ampersand
and even if i went with you
i’m not the girl you think i am
and i’m not gonna match you
‘cause i’ll lose my voice completely
no, i’m not gonna watch you
‘cause i’m not the one that’s crazy
.....
i have wasted years of my life
agonizing about the fires
i started when i thought that to be strong you must be flame-retardant
and now to dress the wounds calls into question
how authentic they are
.....
and nobody deserves to die, but you were awful adamant
that if i didn’t love you then you had just one alternative
and i may be romantic
and i may risk my life for it
but i ain’t gonna die for you
you know i ain’t no juliet
and i’m not gonna watch you
while you burn yourself out, baby
no, i’m not gonna stop you
‘cause i’m not the one that’s crazy