Friday, December 12, 2008

New Personal Goal: To Tell People When I am Upset

Progress has been fairly good on the last personal goal of being more decisive, although I still haven't figured out a way on how to accurately measure the accomplishment of these goals yet.

The latest personal goal is to tell people when I am upset. I know that it doesn't sound like much. I originally wanted to put that I wanted to stand up for myself more....but I think that I really need to work my way up to that one. So, I am just going to focus on telling people when I am upset with something that they have done and why.

So far I have done this twice this week. And it is important to note that I haven't just ranted and raved at someone because I am mad....but rather I have tried to constructively raise the topic with someone. I have this strange sense of fairness and it is impossible for me to just let loose on someone (although I envy the inhibitions that some have where they can rant and rave and still get their way somehow). Instead I bring up my reaction/side of the story first, then address what upset me and why. Case in point.....tonight I plan on being in Layton to attend a family thing with Libby's family. I will be fairly close to M. I asked him if I could see him and he turned me down. And this enraged me. He has been resistant to me being at his house, and I suspect that it was why he turned me down in the way that he did (I felt that it was a really lame excuse). In the past I would have just swallowed my anger and kept on doing what I was doing. That is my standard practice.....and it has marred my past relationships...or rather it has just hurt me.

So this is what I did. I let myself calm down first (very important!), and then I wrote him an email explaining things. I needed him to understand that I wasn't trying to insert myself into his home or that I was doing the "booty call" thing, rather that I wanted to just see him. I told him that I have had a really rough emotional week because of the birth control pills and that all I was looking for was a hug. He calms me.....I'm taking the birth control pills because of him.....a little bit of time with him would make me feel better- makes sense right? The most important thing was that I told him that I was upset, and that I was rational and realistic in my reasoning behind that (I had someone else read the email to verify that for me).

If I can accomplish this goal in my personal life, hopefully I will be able to transfer it to my work life. There are so many things that upset me in the center....and I am never sure how to address them. Being able to do this a work as well would make life easier for alot of people?

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

telling people what bothers you when you want does comes with a price. so be careful. the calming down bit really does help. most people at work don't respond to things written down they just ignore it. GOOD LUCK. that is one of the hardest things to do without totally sounding like a bitch. i do it all the time, and i'm the bitch boss at work. it's okay for me... i'm not looking to make friends there