Progress has been fairly good on the last personal goal of being more decisive, although I still haven't figured out a way on how to accurately measure the accomplishment of these goals yet.
The latest personal goal is to tell people when I am upset. I know that it doesn't sound like much. I originally wanted to put that I wanted to stand up for myself more....but I think that I really need to work my way up to that one. So, I am just going to focus on telling people when I am upset with something that they have done and why.
So far I have done this twice this week. And it is important to note that I haven't just ranted and raved at someone because I am mad....but rather I have tried to constructively raise the topic with someone. I have this strange sense of fairness and it is impossible for me to just let loose on someone (although I envy the inhibitions that some have where they can rant and rave and still get their way somehow). Instead I bring up my reaction/side of the story first, then address what upset me and why. Case in point.....tonight I plan on being in Layton to attend a family thing with Libby's family. I will be fairly close to M. I asked him if I could see him and he turned me down. And this enraged me. He has been resistant to me being at his house, and I suspect that it was why he turned me down in the way that he did (I felt that it was a really lame excuse). In the past I would have just swallowed my anger and kept on doing what I was doing. That is my standard practice.....and it has marred my past relationships...or rather it has just hurt me.
So this is what I did. I let myself calm down first (very important!), and then I wrote him an email explaining things. I needed him to understand that I wasn't trying to insert myself into his home or that I was doing the "booty call" thing, rather that I wanted to just see him. I told him that I have had a really rough emotional week because of the birth control pills and that all I was looking for was a hug. He calms me.....I'm taking the birth control pills because of him.....a little bit of time with him would make me feel better- makes sense right? The most important thing was that I told him that I was upset, and that I was rational and realistic in my reasoning behind that (I had someone else read the email to verify that for me).
If I can accomplish this goal in my personal life, hopefully I will be able to transfer it to my work life. There are so many things that upset me in the center....and I am never sure how to address them. Being able to do this a work as well would make life easier for alot of people?