whheeee....

FLU-INDUCED DELIRUM!

I am home from work today because I have this weird flu thing that Mr.3 got from a friend of his...the bastard! I hate to miss work, but yesterday when this started to hit I was worthless and I would have been the same if not worse today....I don't know, can you get worse that worthless? Probably.
I have missed class too...and you get marked off if you aren't in there...my partner probably hates me now.

The right and the wrong way to protest...

Coming from a protest background, I found the protests this last weekend in washington DC interesting. Unfortuately I don't have the energy to link to very much today, so you are going to get the raw version from me.

1. Did you see the huge list of groups that supported the protest?! Every one who was angry at another person was there. Too many groups means too many messages being put out there conflicting with each other. Its like watching an entire days worth of commercials and then trying to go to the store afterwards.

2. I understand that celebrities have name power, but I honestly don't have any respect for artists like Barbara Streisand and Jessica Lange who seem to think that by being a star means that they know what they are talking about. In fact the ONLY celebrity that I have real respect for in terms of protesting against the government is Martin Sheen. He has been arrested 30+ times for protesting one thing or another, but you don't seem him out there at these free-for-all rallies trying to get a photo-op out of it. He protests because he really believes in what he is doing.

3. Cindy Sheehan drives me nuts. She is out of control. The recent pictures of her getting arrested in front of the white house, smiling as she is being hauled away, telling the cameras that the world is watching. She formed an ILLEGAL protest, plus she became a security threat by blocking the areas in front of the white house with the press crowd that follows her around. If I was a terrorist and wanted to strike terror into the hearts of a lot of Americans, I would have staged something at that fiasco she created. The panik would be huge! And the police there would be focused on crowd control not trying to help people. When you are protesting in DC, you want the police on your side, not against you. That, and poor Cindy, is not the prettiest of "faces of the anti-war movement" they could have found. Cindy is not the Mom stereotype at all, and that is really who you need to have if you want any credibilty with the public. The term is typecasting, all the Hollywood people should know what that is.

4. Going along with the anger over the illegal protest thing...I find that there is very little to no appreciation of their ability to free speech. I am very proud to be an American, but I didn't fully understand that aspect of my personality until I was out of the country. One time when I was in Diyarbakir I was sitting in a bookstore talking about Globalism with a Kurdish friend of a friend. When he asked me what I thought about the west's affect on the Middle East, I was very opininated about my displeasure with some of America's actions. After I finished my rant, my friend looked at me stunned. When I asked him why he was quiet, he only told me that he wished that he could openly state how he felt without the fear of imprisonment. Americans are very lucky and don't appreciate it at all, nor do they even understand the importance of what they have. Read my friend Rob's recent post on the protests held in Salt Lake, you will see what I mean.

It Came!

So I have been wanting this book for absolute ages and I finally got around to getting it, although I am still racked with guilt over its price....but...but....I really wanted it!!...(foot stamp, foot stamp)....I did....and I have been wanting it for over a year!!! I can actually say this because last year around this time was the famed Kurdish Human Rights Conference in San Fran that I went to and I got an opportunity to really look through it. Anyway, here is a picture of this fabulous book.



I also got another book on Phonetics and now I am in Linguistics Heaven!

Now if only I could get my act together and get some school work done, but that is for another day.

take the "what's your dark secret?" quiz
| courtesy of mewing.net. where darkness and secrecy abound.

MRI round 3# and other stuff

Ok, so my MRI was last week, and I probably should have posted earlier but well, you just missed out I guess.

Well they got it right finally and put me out with an IV drip. I did wake up inside the tube and quickly paniked. The nurse told me to wiggle my toes if I was in trouble and I was wiggling my little foot off. I knew that I couldn't move in the tube because of the test, but I also knew that I couldn't move because my mind was awake but my body was not. So I start taking huge panik breaths and begin to cry. Finally....it seemed like forever but it was probably only a few seconds...the nurse put her hand on my leg and asked if I was alright. I told her I was awake and couldn't handle it...so I am guessing that she gave me more drugs. But with the panic attack my oxygen rate went really low and I supposedly had to have an oxygen mask when I got out. About waking up, I guess that I am a little angry coming out of the drugs. I yelled at the guy who was taking me on a gurney to step-down recovery, but that was because he pulled on my IV, wouldn't let me take the oxygen out of my nose and wouldn't--the greatest injustice of all--let me lay on my stomach and just sleep. In step-down recovery the nurse annoyed me because she wouldn't let me go home, kept leaving the door open, and had stuck me in some easy chair thing to wake up in. I can't sleep sitting up, so I complained about that. Mr.3 tells me that I said a bunch of goofy stuff and was unusually mean to people...but it was amusing so I guess that it is all ok.

The next 24 hours was kinda fun as well. My parents were going to be staying the weekend and I had to clean the house...which was done with much stumbling around. I was in a hurry to finish sweeping and was running around with it. Mr.3 got in my way towards the kitchen and stopped me. I told him that I was racing the broom and that it won, which I thought was incredibly witty, but he just downgraded the comment to more drug induced haze. I couldn't drive on Saturday so we had to wait for my Mom to drive up from Price to pick us up and take us to the Rocket weekend. It was 1 by the time we got there, but we were definitely there in time to watch my Dad melt a rocket on the launch pad. He forgot to put the metal casing around the engine. So when they hit the igniter the nosecone blew off, the engine fired and then started to flame the fins, then the secondary shoot popped...it was priceless...and also the first time I have seen the fire extinguishers used out in the field.

The rest of the week was alright, I guess...even though I spent a bunch a time this weekend trying to get ahead of the homework, I seemed to have spent a large amount of time at work trying to finish various assignments. I think that if I print off everything that I am going to need for the next week tomorrow at work I should be fine. I would do it here, but we need more ink and Firefox has decided to stop spurning PDF's and my excel seems to be missing. I think that I might have a virus of some sort but I keep running checks to no avail. But currently the Utah/Air Force game is going on and the commentators won't just shut up and let me watch the game. The score is Utah 38, Air Force 28 with 2 minutes left in the 4th...I predict a Utah win. And CSI premired tonight, which we recorded because of the game, so the nice thing about this is a commerical free CSI.

Oh, and I should tell you about my IV bruise...it's fricking huge! 3 inches by 3 inches on my forearm...I took like I was beaten and even if I have my jacket on, somehow it still seems to show. The bruise has faded a bit, so now it looks like I have been bitten with some old ladies dentures. It still is a little sore to the touch but at least I don't have to go back for another MRI!

Ahhh! It's up!

Ok, so I am such a dork, but I am excited anyway. My first post on Global Voices is up and I am so excited I could just pee myself. (I won't because I am at work, but you get the idea) That and I have taken a new step in bravery as I used my real name.

MRI round 2

So no matter how many times I told the people that I needed to be fully sedated for the MRI they didn't listen to me.
When we got to the hospital last night their idea of "sedation" was to give me 2 valium. Even though I told them that Valium doesn't work for me and never has. But no...apparently I don't know anything about my body...and golly gee, who was right in this situation? Yep, that's right...me. Guess who still freaked out in the tube? Yep, that's right....me. Luckily the Radiologist on duty was incredibly sympathetic and was upset with her people when she saw in my file that I was in fact to be sedated....as in completely knocked out for the test. So now, I have another appointment for Friday morning....having to miss yet more work....but hopefully this time they will get it right and sedate me like they are supposed to.

Surprisingly to the hospital staff, even with 2 Valium in my system (which was supposed to make me really sleepy) I still managed to be quite livid. Idiots.

Watch it, with my luck this week, the jury duty call will be on Friday....ugh...I have to wait until 5 pm to call and find out about tomorrow....this annoys me as well.

The Straight Talk on my Health

Part of the reason why I have been so quiet this week, is that I have been having a bit of a health crisis. On Wednesday I had my long awaited appointment with the neuro-opthomalogist, Dr. Warner. As promised the appointment was over 3 hours long, and I had a bunch of interesting eye tests done (they also took pictures of my optic nerves which was pretty cool)...so the long and the short of it is that I have what I thought I have, which is a relapse of my psuedo tumor cerebri. The only preventative cure for this is permanent weight loss (which is what I did in 1997 when I was first diagnosed), the relapse was triggered by my recent I'm-so-happy-in-love-with-Mr3-weight gain. The good news really is that I went into the doctor sooner rather than later, and I can start working on things before the symptoms get too bad (headaches, migraines, dizziness...I could go blind---fun stuff all the way around). I have a follow-up appointment in December in which basically I was told, lose weight or get another spinal tap done...which is something that I cannot go through again. The first time was bad enough...a second time and I would definitely have a nervous breathdown. Last Friday I was supposed to get another MRI done. Now I have had one before, I wasn't sedated, and I did have a mild panic attack. So I thought that I could handle it. I couldn't. They hadn't even put me in all the way inside the tube before I completely lost it. I mean really lost it. I was crying hysterically and thought that I was going to die. I cried in the waiting room for 45 minutes after I got redressed. So I am going to go back in on Monday evening and have them sedate me. Honestly I have never been that scared (or claustraphobic) in my life before. Even typing about it now 2 days after the fact I start to shake. I think what is happening to me is that a lot of the baggage from the first dianogsis is hitting me again, but in a condensed form. The first time it took over 2 years, going to doctor after doctor, to get a dianogsis. I really don't know how I survived the last year of high school as I was having daily migraines. At one point in our oddesey I was told that I had a brain tumor, a brain aneurism, or absolutely nothing wrong with me. That is hard for an 18 year old to take, and even though I know what is wrong with me now, it is hitting this 26 year old much much harder than before.

Next month, I am supposed to go to California for my Grandpa's birthday party, and I decided today that I am not going. I can hardly handle my own stuff right now, a dying grandfather would be beyound my grasp. Yes, I know that it is selfish, but I do plan on going to visit him later in the year, after the semester ends, so that I can have some quality time with him and introduce him to Mr.3. I was sad when I told my mom this, but she understands. Grandpa will just have to as well.

So now you know...you know that I am a nutcase who can't handle things that I should be able too...you know that I am a selfish person who prioritizes family events by her own level of emotional stabilty...and you know that you are perhaps getting the most honest protrayal of my mental state at the moment. I would like to say that I feel bad about California, but I feel really relieved. I only hope that I can hold it together for tomorrow. One day at a time, baby steps....

Girlfriends points....

This was a post that I had intended to post last weekend.

So Mr.3 loves college football and wanted to get the ESPN gameplan for all of the college bowl games, so we got it. I ,on the other hand, did not know anything about football except that tounchdowns are good. So in an effort of trying to be more connected to my love I learned about football, and for the past 2 weekends I have watched and cheered for many games. Today, I felt quite triumpant when I was able to accurately yell "that was offsides!" and "where is the penalty flag?!" Over the course of this week I have talked to many people about football, and all the guys look at me in awe at the fact that I bothered to learn about football. I have been told by Mr.3 that I have earned major girlfriend points (although I am not sure what the redemption scale is for them ;) ). The funny thing is that when I mention football to girls they all freak out and say that they can't stand it. Which is silly. Football isn't that bad. You need to learn to find some of the fun things in it....watching some of those linebakers knock people down like they are wibbly-wobblys is quite fun. Plus, it is an excellent time to cuddle and half-time is great for general making out. You don't have to dress nice, just lounge around the house in your PJs. All that really matters is that by taking the extra time to learn about something new (and you might find that you like it) and you end up connecting deeper with your man.

Last Monday was the opening of Florida State's football (Mr.3 is a huge fan) and I spent most of the day cleaning to get ready for our guests (we had ribs and chicken wings and a bunch of other stuff). Anyway, we had bought a 'best of the 80's CD' the other day at Costco and I had yet to listen to it. Unfortuately, the music sent me back in time to a 80's film cleaning montage. The worst was mopping the floor and listening to "Walking on Sunshine", "Dancing with Myself" and "We got the beat", suddenly I felt like all I needed was to start a carwash for charity and have some zany goofy character get hit in the face with a sponge. Yeah, it was that kind of a weekend....I only wish that I could say that the following week could have been the same.

WTF is up with New Orleans

Katrina was awful and it is a huge disaster and the people affected really DO need to get help.

But the hell is up with the people there? Rapes and murders IN THE ASTRODOME! Your grandmother dies in her wheelchair and you throw a sheet over her and walk away? I understand that you would be in a crisis situation, but come on? Where is the human element? Shooting at the very helicopters that are coming to rescue you? What purpose does that do? And on the news they say that it is only a few loonies who are causing the problem....a few....no I think that there are much much more than that...

And all of the bad stuff you are hearing is from the people in New Orleans....which has generations of people on the welfare system, people who are content to stay poor (well, they make more than I do) and use the system for all that they can...they feel entitled to everything....there is no patience, only demands. The tourists trapped there seem to be the only sane ones, they are trying to help others, and be patient with the authorities, but they are scared to death of the locals because the locals are praying on them. And the looting....what the hell do you need a bunch of Nikes for if you have nothing else?

The situation is just sad...and embarassing....
If you look at the rhetoric that came from the President around 9/11, you heard alot about Americans pulling together and being stronger in a crisis..etc..etc..etc... But you aren't hearing this with Hurricane Katrina. I think the reason why is because of the lawless element in New Orleans (the murder capital of the US by the way), it is embarassing to say that Americans are good people if all of America acted like those in New Orleans.

I am not saying that there are not good people in New Orleans, there are. And there are many many people who are doing some wonderful things there....but it is the people that are causing the violence, the ones swarming the TV cameras for a chance at their 15 minutes of complaining to a national audience. Honestly, why is it that the doctors need to have bodyguards accompanying them to do their work? I mean really, what does that say about the society there if they are attacking the people who are trying to help them?

The President said today that the relief effort was not enough there, which might partly be true, but since you have thousands of people who aren't even willing to help themselves, how can the relief effort go well? I think that if this hit Texas, or Mississippi harder, or Florida, even Alabama harder, I think that the relief effort would have been able to progress much faster by this time because the people wouldn't be acting like those in New Orleans.

The prime example, is one of the news crews talking to a guy looting (not for food, but high label team jerseys and Nike shoes) asking him why he was doing it, he said, "well if you oppress people enough they are going to rebel"...DOES THIS GUY NOT KNOW THAT THERE IS A NATURAL DISASTER GOING ON!!!! What planet is he from, a hurricane has nothing to do with "oppressing the people", he is just another person there who is trying to take advantage of a situation.