My brother's friends....

It is weird to talk about my brother's friends in a blog post, but I find that I am impressed with them all. Maybe I am just impressed at being able to marvel at teenage angst in cyberspace....Jimmy's best friend is Madison, and while I have only me her briefly and once, I am a regular reader of her blog. And today I am going to showcase it because she wrote something that I found to be really profound about the nature of blogging and the universe....and yes...I am in one of those wistful, everything in the universe is so incredibly amazing moods....

Anyway, Madison is beginning to give personal names to all of her blog entries, here is an excerpt from Madison's New Religion - Blogtist... Pixensis Chapter 1- Birth of Esmerelda

I am henceforth naming my blogs... why name a blog you ask? You say, blogs have no feelings, why would you ever think of naming a blog that is only made up of tiny letters and insignificant words, but I am convinced that at some point all these little letters and notes full of emotions evolve into a greater being... these emotions, whether I delete the blog or not, will never really disappear... nothing on a computer is ever lost, it just begins a new journey into the black abyss of cyber space to grow and learn new things... People say that ghosts are just orbs of energy made of unsettled emotion... blogs are emotions that will never be settled, so why can't they then have the right to take on a new life and being and become their own... nothing can destroy them except should they run into the blog that could settle their cyber soul, but then the data will forever be around so the memory of them will never be lost, even if they have lost their cyber spirit... Thus, you will see why I, Madison Nickelle Tease, will name each blog hereafter she types life and emotion into according to their personality...

Welcome to the world, Esmerelda, take a breath. Look around you... You shall be the goddess of all blogs... Mother of blogs to come... You are setting the foundation of the free and liberated cyber beings of future years... you will not be forgotten... you are omniscient, omnipotent, and the greatest blog to ever be recognized as a being, not just a cyber note made up of 1's and 0's... you are so much more than that... so so so much more...

Hopefully you can see why I am impressed. She later writes her 10 commandents, which are a bit sillier...

ten commandments of mad

1. thou shalt not tell someone that their blogs are stupid

2. thou shalt eat chubby hubby ben and jerry's icecream only on thursdays

3. thou shalt never stab madison in the twat with a sword

4. Love to type your blog.

5. Never wear green tube socks with a purple sweater.

6. Always bring madison cookies, candies, and gifts.

7. Never tell madison that she is wrong, because she is always right.

8. Always flush.

9. Never dis on my edward

10. Most importantly, follow all these commandments..

Ok, that's enough doting for today.

I got this in my email today....

...and I had to pass it on. Although I didn't carry through the pictures, but email me if you want a copy of this with the pictures....it heightens the experience.

You Know You Grew Up In The 80's or Early 90's If:

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do "T he Carlton."
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom
8. Two words: Hammer Pants
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars...and spokey-dokes or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales" (Woo ooh!)
12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the big screen..and still know the turtles names.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
17. You played the game "MASH"(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear....need I say more?
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten. (She's Truly Outrageous.)
21. You remember reading Tales of a fourth grade nothing and all The Ramona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You even wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us...head-to-toe)
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took lunch boxes to school...and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember Popples.
43. Don't worry, be happy
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still do..getting yelled at by younger hip members of the family)
46. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
47. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.
48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"
49 You remember watching Rainbow Bright and & My Little Pony Tales
50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB"
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class.
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
55. You just sang those words to yourself.
56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
57. Homemade Levi shorts.. .(the shorter the better)
58. You remember when mullets were cool!
59. You had a mullet!
60. You still sing "We are the World"
61. You tight rolled your jeans.
62. You owned a bannana clip.
63. You remember "Where's the Beef?"
64. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' 'bout Willis?"
65 You had big hair and you knew how to use it.
66. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!



PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS WHO GREW UP IN THE 80s or Early 90s!!!

One of life's $%&#ing ironies

Today I had a lesson plan due, first due in a series of three. Due to my inability to actually focus on anything when I am emotionally distraught (which lately is much much much much more often than I would ever in a million years like it to be), I put off finishing this project. Everything was sort of floating around in my head, but nothing really written down.

So I worked a little on it this weekend, then more on it Monday, tried to form coherent sentences on it on Tuesday, and then today slapped myself into gear and madly worked on it while trying to work at work....and managed to get the thing finished and printed a full hour before class had begun.

I get to class, where other graduate students were a little shocked that it was really due today...and was feeling pretty smug about getting my work done...even if it may not be up to the high level that was originally envisioned.

At the end of class I was hit with this: "Oh, we decided to give you an extra week".

I was shocked....dammit! I could have used that extra week...I could have not slept with the guilties because I wasn't working on it like I should have. And I really wanted the other students who weren't ready to feel bad---yes, I am looking for that kind of valiadation at the moment. There was so much that I could have done with that extra time! So now I am faced with the dilemma....do I or don't I turn the project in? What to do? Can you guess what I did?


I turned the lesson plan in so that I could say that for once, I finished something early.

Potty Mouth?

When people talk on their cell phones in public restrooms, I flush more than what is needed.

Is this rude of me? No, just a clear declaration of my right to pee in peace and quiet. I really don't want to hear your conversation to begin with. But I definitely don't want to hear about who you "accidentally" slept with at a party on Saturday, or that you still love the guy and totally trust him even though he is married and....as she so nicely put it...."fucking you".

How come all of those people who talk on their cell phones in the bathroom don't have conversations like..."oh, you need me to pick that up at the store" or "I'm running late, I will be there soon."? No, the conversations that people have on their cell phones in public restrooms are intensely private...affairs, gossip...etc. Maybe the bathroom seems like a safer place to talk about these things rather than the hallway or maybe...YOUR HOUSE...because the bathroom is where people routinuely drop their pants.

Either way...the longer that I come across these types of cell phone conversations, the more I will repeatedly flush the toilet.

Jesus Christ Superstar and the beginning of Ramadan

Ramadan begins this weekend and I haven't even thought about fasting...well I have thought about, just not done anything. My heart isn't in it this year...I think that I might have said that last year...hummm... I have felt out of balance for a long time now, and I am trying to find that part of me that has been missing. Maybe it is my faith that's faltering...maybe I just stopped listening to that little voice. But this isn't really what I want to talk about....what I want to talk about is...

Jesus Christ Superstar.

I am watching it on TV right now, and I find that the hippie references, and the anachronisms...I get it, I understand what they are trying to do...I just find it annoying. I think that it is the trying to link the whole peace movement to Christainity thing, cause it didn't seem to work that well in the 60's. I have a copy of the bible that was from my Mom called (please insert Charleton-Heston-as-God-voice here)"THE WAY". It has pictures of flower children on the cover. Yeah, it never helped me take the bible more seriously...it just made me giggle.

Back to the movie...Mary "the whore"is a native american, Judas is African American----I know they were trying to be all multicultrual and stuff, but are they really sending the right message? Something just tells me that the Pharses really wouldn't show off their rock solid abs. The Roman guards are wearing pots on their heads and a lovely shade of lavender! Then there is also shots of tanks driving through the deserts and fighter planes flying around...I mean what are they trying to achieve? Did they think that the Palestinians and the Israelis were going to sit down, watch the movie, and then turn to each other and say "oh my gosh...we should have been paying attention to Jesus the whole time, let's be friends and make macramae plant holders for our peace flowers!" Plah..leese. The movie came out in 1973....I think that they were probably too busy having, say, a war...to bother going to the movie premier.

Seriously though, I still do and will always love that song, "I don't know how to love him" and Jesus can really wail.

and me without my camera

over on I street someone knitted a bright orange sweater for the fire hydrant. It was so cool! I am going to have to go back and take a picture of it.

a bit of politics

Yesterday was interesting in respect to a lunch meeting that I had for work. The conversation was highly political and anti-war...but much more strongly anti-Bush. At times I used to have described myself as anti-war, and I thought that once I met Mr.3 and married him, that I really couldn't be anti-war anymore because that wouldn't be supportive to him.

I was very wrong in that thinking.

The lady at this meeting was talking about how this administration was "staking his legacy on torture" and that he (Bush) was an idiot to want to change the Geneva Conventions. I interrupted her. The US government and the soldiers who DO FOLLOW them, know the conventions very very well, but they also know each and every loophole. On the whole, the US treats its prisoners on the war on terror much much better than they treat their own soldiers.

US soldiers who go to SEAR school are intentionally tortured, in the name of training, to learn what will break them. Then they send these guys out with the knowledge of not to get caught because they know what could happen to them. It makes them excellent soldiers, but it soils their humanity. The government makes these men what they are, and in those instances after war, where their training and their humanity collide....they can't get the help that they need from the VA.

The VA is completely overburdened. Congress has taken away alot of their funding...new vets aren't getting benefits at all....for almost 2 years now. The hospitals are crammed with patients, the doctors and nurses are overloaded and most have had any of the sap of human caring and kindness sucked out of them because they aren't supported at their work.

If you are in therapy at the VA....they don't try to find your root cause of your angst...they just medicate you and hope that you will quiet.

The government is totally ridiculous. The Democrats are bitching about having the war, the Republicans are bitching that we need it.....both sides say that the other is destroying America. The fact is, both sides are. If they happened to look outside of their own bubbles they would see that they are creating a huge victim cycle in the world, but most importantly in the American people themselves.

On September 30, 2001 I was in Washington DC at a peace rally with 30,000 other people. I have been looking at the photos lately---partly because I needed Kurdish costume examples for a project at work---but revisiting those photos have made me think a lot. In the majority of those pictures you can see signs that say "Peace is Patrotic". I made those. I made a lot of them. And I still believe that you can be fiercely patrotic and want peace. I am very grateful that I can write and talk about my government, and say whatever I want, knowing that I have that right. I didn't always appreicate it, it took a couple of trips to Turkey to truly appreicate it.

I've been reading a book about being in balance. I really love this book. It has a bunch of quotes that I have been writing down in my quote journal. I think part of my reason for loving this book, is that it is reminding me of where I used to be mentally and physically....and being reminded of it...was exactly what I needed. There was a quote in it about war, and taking into yesterday's conversation and my comments on this post...I want to share it with you.

"Why of course, the people don't want war...But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy or a fascist dictatorship....voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in every country."

You will never guess who said that....Hermann Goering, Hitler's right hand man. When I read it, it gave me chills. I am not using this quote to be against the government.

I am very patriotic, but I don't like being manipulated.

We are manipulated all the time and by all administrations. Think of it. 30 years ago we loved the Iranians, 20 years ago and through today we are told to hate them. 20 years ago we loved the Iraqis, 15 years ago we were told to hate them, now we are told to love them again. This cycle continues back to before we were a country...we hated the French and then loved them. We loved the British, then hated them, and now we love them again. Look at the Russians...we used to hate them, but we like them now again.

It feels like the country is in elementary school.

If an average adult acted like this in their everyday life...at work they would forced to see a job coach, or they would be forced to go into therapy to "understand their issues". In my opinion the whole freaking government needs to go to therapy. We expect all Americans to focus on learning and understanding the individual, but the government isn't. The individual is expected to shy away from conflict and to feel shamed by society when they embrace conflict...but that doesn't hold true for the government.

Again...another thing that is truly messed up.

good news for a friday

today I was once again allowed to have a bank account. pause for a moment while I look wistfully up at the sky in my best king-of-the-mountain stance...
pause..
pause again...
ok, rest.

When the whole problem came out with Zion's Bank I got booted into check systems for unpaid debt to the bank. If you have never heard of check systems...be glad...it is a place that you never want to be.

It sucks.

Really

Really

Sucks.

Imagine having all of your other bank accounts be closed because you owed another bank money. And while you might have wanted to use the money from your second bank account to pay off the first...if you have a check systems flag, it completely freezes your assets. So even if you wanted to pay them...you might not be able to.

As I said, it really really sucks.

But I have paid them now, and I have been operating without a functioning bank account for 2 months now. It is amazing how many things are cut off to you if you don't have a bank account. For instance, trying to deal with my many creditors...let's move on past the fact that I don't have any money to pay them to begin with...but since I don't have a bank account, they are less willing to work anything out with me as to handling that debt.

Can I just tell you how nice it felt to just set up my bills being paid online without now having to drive down the valley to make my power and cable bill payment in person? Oh, so nice. I can now fully count on not leaving the house for the rest of the weekend. Pajama pants here I come! I think that I am going to settle down with a home-made smoothie and watch frivelous tv for the rest of the evening.

long time no write

which I guess is unfair to the few readers that I have. I find that I spend an enormous amount of energy writing emails to Mr.3 during the day...so that when it comes to blogging I can't really remember what I have and haven't told anyone anymore.

I figure that my life has now become some sad country-western song. Part of me wants to wallow in it all, to use it as an excuse to be the loved victim...something that I sort of hate in other people. I don't want to be the victim, and the rational side of myself (that side that compartmentalizes my emotions so that I don't explode) tells me that I should spend my energies elsewhere.

Things with Mr.3 are difficult....just as they have been since this mess began. When people ask me how things are, I get a very strange look when I say "same old, same old". They think that I am in denial of my problems or that I am very crass and uncaring. I am not either of those, I am just trying to learn to deal with things in a different fashion than your average drama queen so that I can get through the day. Mr.3 had to give up his FLAS for the year. That was really difficult, I still disagree with how it was done. There was a permission letter from him asking the administration to contact me while he was in the hospital, and that wasn't done. I initally thought that it was the bug that had withheld this information from Bradley (yes, the same Bradley of the Turkey dig) and that Bradley didn't realize that Mr.3 and I were married and blah blah blah. I learned that I was wrong....yes I will repeat that....

I was wrong in suspecting that the bug was trying to sabotage my husband.

In fact it turned out that Bradley is still a prick and decided to ignore the letter altogether. And to think that I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I found out this vital piece of information in a rather humiliating meeting that was held on Tuesday after I sent a very angry email to the Center Director about the situation. Part of me honestly feels that that meeting was not for my benefit at all, but for them (the current director and associate director) to see how good of an administrator Bradley could be.

I feel used.

They allowed Bradley to berate me, treat me like a child, and generally be his jerky self. I even got up to leave and they made me stay. So the first part of the meeting was about the rules of the FLAS....which I wasn't questioning, I was questioning the methods they used to follow the rules and they needed to know that it had disasterous effects on Mr.3's recovery. The second half of the meeting was trying to find the root of my hostility towards the bug. So it was mainly re-hash of just about every meeting that I have had to have with her when we have fought about something. They want to bring in HR. Fine, I'll do whatever they want.

I have been reflecting alot about the meeting...and Teri suggested that I write a letter to the director about how the meeting made me feel. I drafted something today, but I don't think that I will ever send anything...who knows....maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't. Something really strange happened in the meeting...they kept asking me who they should side with in the conflict between the bug and I---they said this like it is an on-going war--which I was unaware of. They kept asking me if they should side with me and fire her. I frankly told them that I am not asking them to fire her, and I never had (as to my feelings on whether she should be or not...). I told them that they shouldn't side with anyone. But if either of us do something in the scope of our job that is a cause worthy of firing that they should do their administrative duty. I resent that they were trying to lay some sort of guilt on me for that. When I was drafting this letter, something dawned on me....they made it sound (and I have heard about the bug complaining to them about one thing or another) that the bug was in there all the time complaining about me. Yet I complain directly to them once and they are offering to have HR come in? Did they offer that to the bug when she initally complained about me? I doubt it. They have already chosen sides because they clearly haven't given serious thoughts to her complaints. I wrote that in my letter, that they are doing a large injustice to her.

And if that isn't messed up, I don't know what is.

So if you think that I should send the letter into them about that, let me know. Teri is for it, Linda was strongly against it, and while it might make me feel better I don't think that it will change anything.

Other items that are on the difficult-to-cope-list-that-Debbie-has-to-compartmentalize-her-feelings-on is that Grandpa is dying. Yes, we all are in a way dying...but Grandpa is a bit more immediant. His cancer (non-hodkin's lymphoma) is out of remission and has traveled from his stomach to set up settlements in his spleen, pancreas, and liver. He has been given 2 weeks to 2 months....and we all know how I hate the timeline thing. The nasty thing about his dying is that it involves blood, or rather he throws up blood,
dark
scary
icky
blood.
Prior to this last week, they would just give him more units of blood when he would throw it up. The doctors have stopped doing that, which means that he is slowly bleeding to death. He was taken to hospice this last weekend, and we were pretty sure that he wouldn't ever come back, but he was brought home today. My Mom and Dad are down in California, and they are going to take care of him and my Grandma Ellie (whose health is also going down the tubes rapidly). There is the possibilty that he could go at any moment...and while there is so much going on with the family...my mom and dad really need to be down there with him. When my Uncle Don died, it hit my Dad really hard because they were the same age...and family. My Grandpa dying is hitting him really hard too. My Dad has never been good with the emotional stuff...and I think that he has hit his limit with all that has been going on lately.

So there is your wrap-up...loads of fun I am sure. I need to get back into the habit of blogging again...it is always so nice to just be able to be,

just be,

on this site..I miss it.

and now for a cup of tea....

I bet you thought that this was going to be about frozen pizza didn't you? I spent $6.40 on 9 frozen pizzas yesterday, in which I have already eaten 3. And yes that means that 3 out of 6 possible meals have been frozen pizza for me...but I didn't have the same type which makes it ok and not pathetic in the slightest.

...but I digress....today I am trying to create the perfect cup of tea for my mood. Now normally I have turkish double-boiler going all day for my tea needs....but today I feel like seeped tea. The problem with tea is that there are so many ways to make it. Now I've got my electric kettle, the stovetop kettles...all not suited for what I want. I knew that I had a teapot around here somewhere...unfortuately it was buried in a box....but I found it.

I made the teapot myself.

Or rather I purchased the unfired ceramic, carved a design into it, glazed it, and then fired it. I wrote my name in the bottom and when I made it...March of 1999. It is strange to sit and think of what I was doing at that time. I was working part time and going to school. I still lived at home. And it was the spring before my first summer in Turkey. Just thinking about my naivety at that time gives me the willies. And to think that at that time, my parents were just getting ready to move down to Price...kinda odd when you considered that they are now thinking of moving back up here.

I have never used this teapot...so I hope that I didn't screw it up somehow and it leaks. I am also going to enjoy my tea in one of the royal dalton cups of my grandmother's. I'm trying to be all proper English, don't you know.

So here I am on a Friday night with my tea and computer, listening to the White Album (why? you might ask? My answer, why not?). My syntax reading and my content-based-instruction articles are whispering at me from my schoolbag. I think that I will finally have to give in and read them tonight.

all for want of a frozen pizza

no more frozen pizzas in the house....this makes me very sad. I would go to the store and buy some more of them, but I just got home from a day of being on campus for 12 hours, which followed a day where I went non-stop from 7am when I went to work to 9:30pm when I came home from doing my practicum observation. Tomorrow will be an equally long day...meeting with a possible client in the morning, to a school presentation for a 100 elementary students about the similaries and differences between them and Iraqi schoolchildren they are sending gifts too in the afternoon, with the evening rounding off with a Zonta meeting. Hopefully I will not be too humilated at that one. When we were having all of the problems with the bank my membership fees check bounced, and I missed my committee meeting because we had to go to Denver...so tomorrow when I go I will hand in my membership fee....almost 3 months late. I have a good excuse...I just don't like the fact that I even have to have an excuse.

Funny stuff happened today with the bug about "professionalism" that I am going to have to write about later....the season finale of my guilty pleasure Supernova is starting.

If only I had some pizza.....

Why eat real food when frozen pizzas are so cheap?

I tell ya, I think that I am addicted to those 3 for $2 frozen pizza things I found at the grocery store....oh...so....good.

I am kinda bored today..I have plenty to do, I just don't feel like doing it and I find that I desperately miss watching TV in the living room---it died a few months ago and I can't replace it at the moment---so I watch tv in the bedroom...which just makes you feel extra lazy and even though you may have gotten dressed for the day, you really don't feel like you have if you stay in the bedroom all the time.

I am continually surprised by the resilence of my little brother. There is a chance that he might change schools and move up here with me....which is something that I think that I would like. Everytime I see him, I can see how much more he has grown up and matured and it fascinates me. Today we talked on the phone for an hour...which for us is forever...and well...I am just impressed with him. The past few months he just seems more and more grown up...in the past I know that I have worried that he wouldn't really grow and now....I can't wait to see what he will come up with next, what will he become. Can you believe that next month he turns 18? It makes me feel old...but I am still in awe of him. Ok, enough of the sappiness about my brother.

I should go and make real food for dinner....but oh how that last frozen pizza is calling my name....

A Confession...of sorts

I figure that at this point in this whole ordeal that people are starting to suspect and I might as well come clean...if anything to have the relief of being able to post about my own feelings again.

Mr.3 is still not home, and yes, he is still in a VA hospital. He isn't only being treated for a problem with his leg (which the doctors believe to be related to him coming in contact with some sort of a nerve agent at some point during his military career), my husband is also being treated for PTSD.

It has been over a month....I think my mom has placed the time away at 6 weeks....since I last saw my husband in Denver. For close to two weeks I wasn't sure where he was, he wouldn't talk to me, and I was petrified that he had left me. He has been in the VA system for a solid month now. He was supposed to come home a 10 days ago when he was transferred from Colorado to Utah. But with delays with legal issues and health issues and the VA's inability to process paperwork correctly have not made it so conditions were alright for his departure. In fact, yesterday we were sure that he would be able to leave, and found out that he would be there for a couple more days waiting while some other database records were updated. I should be able to visit him at the hospital this morning....I need to visit him for so many reasons that it would take a book to list them all...and with luck he will be placed in a private room tonight so that I can spend time with him.

The hell of fire and brimstone would be a paradise compared to what I have been through the past couple of months. Fear and doubt and heartache can be incredibly taxing. There will be a lot of issues regarding trust that Mr.3 and I will have to work out. And the road in front of us will be pretty nasty to get through.

For family members who read my blog, and for my many friends around the world that read this too...know that I am ok (for the moment). And that no matter what happens in the long-term, I will be ok. I will continue to have my (many!) fragile moments, and times when I just don't want to talk to anyone...I don't want you to think that I am pushing you away, but I will be vocal about when I need my space (my mom can attest for that).

I truly value and appreicate all of the support that I have had from my family and friends through this ordeal. I am very thankful for all of those that have loved and supported me. Thank you.