The Spooky House and Sugar

This weekend, we (that being Mr.3 and I) went down to Price to see my brother's haunted house. It was nice to be back at the house, but I forgot how uncomfortable the spare bed really is....however it is infinitely nicer than the pull-out couch that manages to stick a pole in your back no matter how or where you lay or the percariously top bunk in my brother's room...but needless to say I am much more tired than I should be.

We were originally intending to drive down on Saturday night, but we went on Friday instead (which happened to be Mr.3 and I's 11-month anniversary-yes I know that it is silly). We brought some Chili to my Dad at work and then went over to the Haunted House to go help my Mom collect tickets. Mr.3 watched the desk as my Mom and I went in. Jimmy did all of the artistic designs of the place, and the chorgraphy and directing of the other actors. For being teenagers with a couple of weeks to put it together and so on, they did a fabulous job. Yes, I did get scared, and yes (something which Jimmy and all of his friends won't let me live down) I ran when confronted with the chainsaw guy.

Saturday afternoon my mom, Mr.3 and I went down to help set up a little bit. Jimmy gave Mr.3 the detailed walk through, which was hilarious as Jimmy was bouncing off the walls to begin with and then with him going "this is the polka dot room, there is someone that will be here doing this, and then someone will right here and step out at you just when you least expect them to..." it was one of those things where you either needed to be there or in another medium where I can act some of it out. Then later in the evening Mr.3 and I took my parents out for dinner at the JB's, which unfortuately one of the swanky-ist places in town, then we watched a movie. It was like a double-date and my parents seemed to enjoy it very much.

Yesterday morning we made a full breakfast, much to the surprise of my mom. Other than that, I did basically nothing, although I had/have a ton of homework to do. The drive back nearly killed me as I was so tired I could hardly stay awake and the same goes for today. I have been trying to stay awake at work, but there is a limit to productivity under my current extreme conditions....and caffine and sugar aren't working! My mom was ever so nice to supply us with a bag of some of the candy that they will be giving out, but man, you would think that the huge amount of sugar and caffine would make me awake or jittery but sadly, neither...I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep.

Emotional Day

I thought that I was doing well today, but I guess that I am not.
Went in to talk to my Phonetics teacher today only to burst into tears at the mention of my graduate program. This weekend I came to the conclusion that I have been utterly fucked over by MEC in terms of my graduate program. Granted I work here as well, and I love working here, but I got fucked over hard and I am not sure what to do.

When I originally went in to talk to the advisor in Linguistics, I had told him that theorectial linguistics really appealed to me, but that I also wanted to teach. So he had me apply for Applied Linguistics. After talking to my Phonetics teacher she told me that it sounded as if applied was not really what I was interested in and that theorectial is where I probably should be. Either way, I applied for Applied with the deadline being last week. I am not sure if I will be accepted anyway because of the problem of being told that I didn't need to reapply to the graduate school and then finding out at the absolute last minute that I did. Which means that my file is incomplete and that I am probably not going to be accepted anyway.

Which ultimately means that I am completely and totally fucked.

Turtle Porn?

So on Thursday I am at home half dead, and as I am going to the restroom, I walk into the room that my Turtles are in and I discover Scooter attempting to mount Zippy. First of all, in order for Turtles to "assume the position" so to speak it requires that the mounting turtle lock both legs into the hips of the mountee turtle, which Scooter is unable to do as he has only one leg in the back. Second of all, Zippy was going to have none of it as he was completely locked up. And lastly....they are both male. Of course when I walked in Scooter shot me a nasty look as if to say "do you mind?" and well...I did...I took a photo on my cell phone, and the one I took with my digital camera turned out too fuzzy to post. The entire time that I was in the bathroom I could hear Scooter scratching on Zippy's cell trying to get him to "come out". It was so creepy and later when the noises stopped I went in and Scooter was trying to coax Zippy out as if he wanted to cuddle with him.

Besides the strangeness of walking in on something like that, it is also the question that well...what do you do when you walk in on an attempt of Turtle rape? It is like watching a pond of ducks and seeing a group of boy ducks gang rape a girl duck...it is appropiate to intervene on the rape of another species? It was so strange and I am not sure how to process it.

What does a nervous breakdown look like?

I think that I might have had one yesterday but I am not sure. On Wednesday night I found out that I had to re-apply to the Graduate School for my application to the Linguistics degree...the bug had told me that I didn't need to worry about it because I was already accepted to the grad school. Applications to the grad school need to be in a month before the department deadline...the deadline being this Friday. So I ended up paniking, because I am having anxiety over getting accepted to begin with-and I don't feel like I am doing well in any respects...so that was one thing that added to my panic plate.

Yesterday morning I went to work, although I felt awful. I managed to stay an hour and a half before I went home. I was weak and dizzy, couldn't breathe...clearly I had the same thing that Mr.3 had earlier in the week. But I was surprised that I made it home, because I just wanted to collapse. When I finally got inside and into bed I was dilirious, talking to myself, crying...almost wailing...I completely creeped myself out, but it was like I was watching myself freak out it. It was odd. But I was babbling everything that I had been worrying about for the past couple months or so.

I feel better now, but a little disconnected. I am staying home from work again, and I think that I am going to call the doctor to see if I can get in today. Hopefully I just have a flu cold and not something worse.

Beware! The potheads are out!

A guy just came into my office wondering if I could tell him where his brother Pat's class is at. I can't look up student schedules...but then again this guy also had no idea what class his brother was taking..."uh...it's a language class, copts or latin or something hard". He was almost as creepy as the guy who came in yesterday wanting to know if he could dial 411 on my phone to find the phone number to a local taco bell because he had a job interview with them today. I must find that neon sign that is somewhere on campus directing all the crazies to my office and destroy it.

Why I can't be trusted with my own hygiene

Well, Darren and his band were playing and I made an effort and went. I am glad that I did, because not too many people were there...come on, a Monday night in Utah, you couldn't expect much to begin with.

As I was waiting for Libby to come down and meet me, I decided to take a quick shower to freshen up, and I thought that I would put some nair on my upper lip, and while I was waiting for the nair to do its stuff, I thought that I would pluck my eyebrows. After about 2 or 3 hairs, I realized that I was really too lazy to pluck, so I got out this mini eyebrow trimmer to do the job...slipped up, and now one of my eyebrows is a fourth shorter than it should be. I tried to even the other one up, but it didn't work to well. Mr.3 and Libby said that it wasn't too noticeable, but I feel stupid just the same. Plus, while going to the bathroom earlier I managed to hit my head on the doorknob in the bathroom. Still unclear on how I managed to pull that one off, but it did hurt.

Darren's show was great. There was Libby and I, 2 old freaky guys who were roommates but advocated that "they liked girls too" (oh so creepy) and three other girls who considered themselves as their "bestest fans". One of them was friends with the band guys from before, and they had been staying with her...so I see her as legit. But the other 2 were wanna-be groupies. One had pigtails and was completely gone before the show even started--it was fun to watch Darren mess with her head-- but she kept introducing herself and then asking/screaming "how do you know the band!?!" And of course when she finds out that Darren and I grew up together and are family she was all over it...man she was annoying. And for "groupies" they didn't exactly make an effort to look too nice to get the attention of the band members...well any effort that they would make would have to be monumental as the starting base was so bad. If these girls were attempting to be groupies for some 80's hair band/psuedo metal group, they would be the girls that they would make fist themselves in a tub of coleslaw, just to see if they would do it. Unfortuately these girls would be the type to do something like that so that they could say that they "hung out with the band". Ugh, it was revolting. Then the pigtail-girl's friend was doing this strange modern dance thing and was using the entire dance floor. For a while I thought that she was doing jazzercise and I am sure that she would have benefited from having those 3 tiered stages for low-mid-and-high impact exercises.

But back to the show, they played a great set. And I am really glad that I went because you could see that it really mattered to Darren that I went. Plus it was a chance to go out with Libby, who I haven't seen in a little while. The owner also gave us comp tickets for a show on Friday night. I am not sure that I will go, but I am sure that I can give them to someone else to use.

Workplace question...

Every have one of those days at work where you feel like you have somehow pissed everyone off, but you don't know what you did?

Good News

I heard yesterday that my grandfather DOES NOT have the fatal pancreatic cancer, but the treatable Hodkin's Lympauma (spelled really wrong). Yeah, it is still cancer, but there is no timeline anymore. He can go through Chemo and still live for years and years. Thank god! I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me.

Just thought that I would let you know.

Wednesday wrap-up

I called my grandpa last night to wish him a Happy Birthday, it was difficult because you can tell how much he has gone downhill. What seemed more disturbing was my grandma, who seemed REALLY out of it. She had to be hospitalized on Monday night because she hasn't been drinking enough water and things were drying up leaving her constaipated and unable to pee. They kept her overnight and released her in time for grandpa's party.

The MEC is starting the first of it's lecture series today with Rami Khouri speaking. Last night he spoke at the Utah chapter of the Committee on Foreign Relations. Mr.3 and I got invited to the dinner and talk. I made an effort to look nice. I curled my hair, makeup heels the whole shabang. One of the new graduate students in the department (who happens to be WAY to much like the bug for comfort) told me that I was a very beautiful woman when I tried to be. Which is a nice compliment but the way she said it was implying that I am not pretty otherwise. So I made a joke about that and no, she was serious. I apparently am only a good-looking woman when I have make-up and heels on. You don't say that to people in polite society. You tell them that they clean up nice, but you don't point out that they are ugly but with makeup you are alright. The comment really bothered me. I think that what really gets to the rub of it is that she didn't realize that she had insulted me first, and when the insult was pointed out she reaffirmed it. But as I said not only is H (that is how we shall distinguish her) alot like the bug, the two of them are firm friends as well. And honestly what can you expect from a person like that? The bug told a pregnant woman that used to work in the office with us that she was too fat! Excuse me, she's pregnant! I just weep for humanity sometimes.

And more news on the Global Voices front...they have started having me cover the Turkish blogs as well, which gives me an excellent chance to work on my language skills...I feel like I am stagnating and this should help. Feedback from other Turks have been most positive on the site.

Behold the power of the lime green pants!

So Saturday I mosied on over to Kmart to restock on household supplies and I found these incredibly obnoxious pair of lime-green capri pants for $3. Under those conditions I had to get them, I also got an 80 cent pair of shorts. I got some other items of a cleaning nature that seem to delight only me, but what can you do? There has been some pledge multi-purpose cleaner for wood that I have been dying to try out...our kitchen floor has been getting quite spotted, and I also got dish soap with bleach in it, and I absolutely love it! The soap lasts for a lot longer and cleans much better than our old stuff. Now we still have this never ending pile of dishes that will not go away...no matter how many hours a day I seem to work on them. Not being able to get them done disturbs me. I think it is part of my perfectionist nature, I want to have all the housework done so that the house is always clean, I want to be caught up on the laundry, I want to be caught up on my homework and still have time to rest, work out and write everyday. Yeah, yeah...I know everyone wants to do the same impossible thing, but I am finding that my inability to manage this is causing me anxiety which seems to translate over into a headache. That is the other odd thing...if I stress about something it seems to give me an immediate headache.

Let's move to the stressors....my family is now in California with my grandpa. And although I am unable to go I really wish that I was there, but I am sure that I would just internalize everything there as well. My mom said that my grandfather was really thin and they are worried that my grandmother might be showing signs of early onset alzehimers. My uncle, the hermit, is down there as well mooching off my grandparents on his visit and is trying to take control of the situation. He actually tried to tell my Mom not to come and see them at all yesterday...and I'm sorry but she is there ONLY to see my grandfather and my uncle trying to be "the man" isn't going to stop her. Perhaps it is best that I am not there, I wouldn't hold my tongue at all. And my little brother Jimmy turns 17 today, and I think that not being there for that makes me a little sad as well.

Back to the lime green pants...I wore them yesterday, and they are so awful they are fun. Mr.3 indulged me, but if he saw anyone else where them he would have said something. I am hoping that he finds my nerve endearing. When the sun would hit them, they would blind you...yep, they are that cool. Oh and Mr.3 and I have hit new levels of domesticity....we are getting checks with both of our names on them. It is something that I have been wanting to do for a while...and the checks are cool....tropical frogs.

Ramadan guilt?

Yesterday was the official start of Ramadan and I still haven't started to fast yet. Normally I am completely psyched out for Ramadan and can't wait to start...and now, I just can't. It isn't a faith thing, it is just that my head is not in the right place for anything at the moment. I feel like I have a constant cold and little things are turning into major stressors to the point that my stomach hurts the majority of the time. You know you look bad when you boss looks at you and says that you look really tired and suggests that you go home...
So I am not fasting. I feel an odd sense of guilt, not that I am beholden to everyone about my religious committments but in the past I have always felt a huge sense of accomplishment after finishing the month.
Ugh.
I hope this all ends soon.

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