Turtle Porn?

So on Thursday I am at home half dead, and as I am going to the restroom, I walk into the room that my Turtles are in and I discover Scooter attempting to mount Zippy. First of all, in order for Turtles to "assume the position" so to speak it requires that the mounting turtle lock both legs into the hips of the mountee turtle, which Scooter is unable to do as he has only one leg in the back. Second of all, Zippy was going to have none of it as he was completely locked up. And lastly....they are both male. Of course when I walked in Scooter shot me a nasty look as if to say "do you mind?" and well...I did...I took a photo on my cell phone, and the one I took with my digital camera turned out too fuzzy to post. The entire time that I was in the bathroom I could hear Scooter scratching on Zippy's cell trying to get him to "come out". It was so creepy and later when the noises stopped I went in and Scooter was trying to coax Zippy out as if he wanted to cuddle with him.

Besides the strangeness of walking in on something like that, it is also the question that well...what do you do when you walk in on an attempt of Turtle rape? It is like watching a pond of ducks and seeing a group of boy ducks gang rape a girl duck...it is appropiate to intervene on the rape of another species? It was so strange and I am not sure how to process it.

What does a nervous breakdown look like?

I think that I might have had one yesterday but I am not sure. On Wednesday night I found out that I had to re-apply to the Graduate School for my application to the Linguistics degree...the bug had told me that I didn't need to worry about it because I was already accepted to the grad school. Applications to the grad school need to be in a month before the department deadline...the deadline being this Friday. So I ended up paniking, because I am having anxiety over getting accepted to begin with-and I don't feel like I am doing well in any respects...so that was one thing that added to my panic plate.

Yesterday morning I went to work, although I felt awful. I managed to stay an hour and a half before I went home. I was weak and dizzy, couldn't breathe...clearly I had the same thing that Mr.3 had earlier in the week. But I was surprised that I made it home, because I just wanted to collapse. When I finally got inside and into bed I was dilirious, talking to myself, crying...almost wailing...I completely creeped myself out, but it was like I was watching myself freak out it. It was odd. But I was babbling everything that I had been worrying about for the past couple months or so.

I feel better now, but a little disconnected. I am staying home from work again, and I think that I am going to call the doctor to see if I can get in today. Hopefully I just have a flu cold and not something worse.

Beware! The potheads are out!

A guy just came into my office wondering if I could tell him where his brother Pat's class is at. I can't look up student schedules...but then again this guy also had no idea what class his brother was taking..."uh...it's a language class, copts or latin or something hard". He was almost as creepy as the guy who came in yesterday wanting to know if he could dial 411 on my phone to find the phone number to a local taco bell because he had a job interview with them today. I must find that neon sign that is somewhere on campus directing all the crazies to my office and destroy it.

Why I can't be trusted with my own hygiene

Well, Darren and his band were playing and I made an effort and went. I am glad that I did, because not too many people were there...come on, a Monday night in Utah, you couldn't expect much to begin with.

As I was waiting for Libby to come down and meet me, I decided to take a quick shower to freshen up, and I thought that I would put some nair on my upper lip, and while I was waiting for the nair to do its stuff, I thought that I would pluck my eyebrows. After about 2 or 3 hairs, I realized that I was really too lazy to pluck, so I got out this mini eyebrow trimmer to do the job...slipped up, and now one of my eyebrows is a fourth shorter than it should be. I tried to even the other one up, but it didn't work to well. Mr.3 and Libby said that it wasn't too noticeable, but I feel stupid just the same. Plus, while going to the bathroom earlier I managed to hit my head on the doorknob in the bathroom. Still unclear on how I managed to pull that one off, but it did hurt.

Darren's show was great. There was Libby and I, 2 old freaky guys who were roommates but advocated that "they liked girls too" (oh so creepy) and three other girls who considered themselves as their "bestest fans". One of them was friends with the band guys from before, and they had been staying with her...so I see her as legit. But the other 2 were wanna-be groupies. One had pigtails and was completely gone before the show even started--it was fun to watch Darren mess with her head-- but she kept introducing herself and then asking/screaming "how do you know the band!?!" And of course when she finds out that Darren and I grew up together and are family she was all over it...man she was annoying. And for "groupies" they didn't exactly make an effort to look too nice to get the attention of the band members...well any effort that they would make would have to be monumental as the starting base was so bad. If these girls were attempting to be groupies for some 80's hair band/psuedo metal group, they would be the girls that they would make fist themselves in a tub of coleslaw, just to see if they would do it. Unfortuately these girls would be the type to do something like that so that they could say that they "hung out with the band". Ugh, it was revolting. Then the pigtail-girl's friend was doing this strange modern dance thing and was using the entire dance floor. For a while I thought that she was doing jazzercise and I am sure that she would have benefited from having those 3 tiered stages for low-mid-and-high impact exercises.

But back to the show, they played a great set. And I am really glad that I went because you could see that it really mattered to Darren that I went. Plus it was a chance to go out with Libby, who I haven't seen in a little while. The owner also gave us comp tickets for a show on Friday night. I am not sure that I will go, but I am sure that I can give them to someone else to use.

Workplace question...

Every have one of those days at work where you feel like you have somehow pissed everyone off, but you don't know what you did?

Good News

I heard yesterday that my grandfather DOES NOT have the fatal pancreatic cancer, but the treatable Hodkin's Lympauma (spelled really wrong). Yeah, it is still cancer, but there is no timeline anymore. He can go through Chemo and still live for years and years. Thank god! I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me.

Just thought that I would let you know.

Wednesday wrap-up

I called my grandpa last night to wish him a Happy Birthday, it was difficult because you can tell how much he has gone downhill. What seemed more disturbing was my grandma, who seemed REALLY out of it. She had to be hospitalized on Monday night because she hasn't been drinking enough water and things were drying up leaving her constaipated and unable to pee. They kept her overnight and released her in time for grandpa's party.

The MEC is starting the first of it's lecture series today with Rami Khouri speaking. Last night he spoke at the Utah chapter of the Committee on Foreign Relations. Mr.3 and I got invited to the dinner and talk. I made an effort to look nice. I curled my hair, makeup heels the whole shabang. One of the new graduate students in the department (who happens to be WAY to much like the bug for comfort) told me that I was a very beautiful woman when I tried to be. Which is a nice compliment but the way she said it was implying that I am not pretty otherwise. So I made a joke about that and no, she was serious. I apparently am only a good-looking woman when I have make-up and heels on. You don't say that to people in polite society. You tell them that they clean up nice, but you don't point out that they are ugly but with makeup you are alright. The comment really bothered me. I think that what really gets to the rub of it is that she didn't realize that she had insulted me first, and when the insult was pointed out she reaffirmed it. But as I said not only is H (that is how we shall distinguish her) alot like the bug, the two of them are firm friends as well. And honestly what can you expect from a person like that? The bug told a pregnant woman that used to work in the office with us that she was too fat! Excuse me, she's pregnant! I just weep for humanity sometimes.

And more news on the Global Voices front...they have started having me cover the Turkish blogs as well, which gives me an excellent chance to work on my language skills...I feel like I am stagnating and this should help. Feedback from other Turks have been most positive on the site.

Behold the power of the lime green pants!

So Saturday I mosied on over to Kmart to restock on household supplies and I found these incredibly obnoxious pair of lime-green capri pants for $3. Under those conditions I had to get them, I also got an 80 cent pair of shorts. I got some other items of a cleaning nature that seem to delight only me, but what can you do? There has been some pledge multi-purpose cleaner for wood that I have been dying to try out...our kitchen floor has been getting quite spotted, and I also got dish soap with bleach in it, and I absolutely love it! The soap lasts for a lot longer and cleans much better than our old stuff. Now we still have this never ending pile of dishes that will not go away...no matter how many hours a day I seem to work on them. Not being able to get them done disturbs me. I think it is part of my perfectionist nature, I want to have all the housework done so that the house is always clean, I want to be caught up on the laundry, I want to be caught up on my homework and still have time to rest, work out and write everyday. Yeah, yeah...I know everyone wants to do the same impossible thing, but I am finding that my inability to manage this is causing me anxiety which seems to translate over into a headache. That is the other odd thing...if I stress about something it seems to give me an immediate headache.

Let's move to the stressors....my family is now in California with my grandpa. And although I am unable to go I really wish that I was there, but I am sure that I would just internalize everything there as well. My mom said that my grandfather was really thin and they are worried that my grandmother might be showing signs of early onset alzehimers. My uncle, the hermit, is down there as well mooching off my grandparents on his visit and is trying to take control of the situation. He actually tried to tell my Mom not to come and see them at all yesterday...and I'm sorry but she is there ONLY to see my grandfather and my uncle trying to be "the man" isn't going to stop her. Perhaps it is best that I am not there, I wouldn't hold my tongue at all. And my little brother Jimmy turns 17 today, and I think that not being there for that makes me a little sad as well.

Back to the lime green pants...I wore them yesterday, and they are so awful they are fun. Mr.3 indulged me, but if he saw anyone else where them he would have said something. I am hoping that he finds my nerve endearing. When the sun would hit them, they would blind you...yep, they are that cool. Oh and Mr.3 and I have hit new levels of domesticity....we are getting checks with both of our names on them. It is something that I have been wanting to do for a while...and the checks are cool....tropical frogs.

Ramadan guilt?

Yesterday was the official start of Ramadan and I still haven't started to fast yet. Normally I am completely psyched out for Ramadan and can't wait to start...and now, I just can't. It isn't a faith thing, it is just that my head is not in the right place for anything at the moment. I feel like I have a constant cold and little things are turning into major stressors to the point that my stomach hurts the majority of the time. You know you look bad when you boss looks at you and says that you look really tired and suggests that you go home...
So I am not fasting. I feel an odd sense of guilt, not that I am beholden to everyone about my religious committments but in the past I have always felt a huge sense of accomplishment after finishing the month.
Ugh.
I hope this all ends soon.

No More Freakin' Spam Comments

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT use my blog comments to peddle your own sites! It isn't welcome!

whheeee....

FLU-INDUCED DELIRUM!

I am home from work today because I have this weird flu thing that Mr.3 got from a friend of his...the bastard! I hate to miss work, but yesterday when this started to hit I was worthless and I would have been the same if not worse today....I don't know, can you get worse that worthless? Probably.
I have missed class too...and you get marked off if you aren't in there...my partner probably hates me now.

The right and the wrong way to protest...

Coming from a protest background, I found the protests this last weekend in washington DC interesting. Unfortuately I don't have the energy to link to very much today, so you are going to get the raw version from me.

1. Did you see the huge list of groups that supported the protest?! Every one who was angry at another person was there. Too many groups means too many messages being put out there conflicting with each other. Its like watching an entire days worth of commercials and then trying to go to the store afterwards.

2. I understand that celebrities have name power, but I honestly don't have any respect for artists like Barbara Streisand and Jessica Lange who seem to think that by being a star means that they know what they are talking about. In fact the ONLY celebrity that I have real respect for in terms of protesting against the government is Martin Sheen. He has been arrested 30+ times for protesting one thing or another, but you don't seem him out there at these free-for-all rallies trying to get a photo-op out of it. He protests because he really believes in what he is doing.

3. Cindy Sheehan drives me nuts. She is out of control. The recent pictures of her getting arrested in front of the white house, smiling as she is being hauled away, telling the cameras that the world is watching. She formed an ILLEGAL protest, plus she became a security threat by blocking the areas in front of the white house with the press crowd that follows her around. If I was a terrorist and wanted to strike terror into the hearts of a lot of Americans, I would have staged something at that fiasco she created. The panik would be huge! And the police there would be focused on crowd control not trying to help people. When you are protesting in DC, you want the police on your side, not against you. That, and poor Cindy, is not the prettiest of "faces of the anti-war movement" they could have found. Cindy is not the Mom stereotype at all, and that is really who you need to have if you want any credibilty with the public. The term is typecasting, all the Hollywood people should know what that is.

4. Going along with the anger over the illegal protest thing...I find that there is very little to no appreciation of their ability to free speech. I am very proud to be an American, but I didn't fully understand that aspect of my personality until I was out of the country. One time when I was in Diyarbakir I was sitting in a bookstore talking about Globalism with a Kurdish friend of a friend. When he asked me what I thought about the west's affect on the Middle East, I was very opininated about my displeasure with some of America's actions. After I finished my rant, my friend looked at me stunned. When I asked him why he was quiet, he only told me that he wished that he could openly state how he felt without the fear of imprisonment. Americans are very lucky and don't appreciate it at all, nor do they even understand the importance of what they have. Read my friend Rob's recent post on the protests held in Salt Lake, you will see what I mean.

It Came!

So I have been wanting this book for absolute ages and I finally got around to getting it, although I am still racked with guilt over its price....but...but....I really wanted it!!...(foot stamp, foot stamp)....I did....and I have been wanting it for over a year!!! I can actually say this because last year around this time was the famed Kurdish Human Rights Conference in San Fran that I went to and I got an opportunity to really look through it. Anyway, here is a picture of this fabulous book.



I also got another book on Phonetics and now I am in Linguistics Heaven!

Now if only I could get my act together and get some school work done, but that is for another day.

take the "what's your dark secret?" quiz
| courtesy of mewing.net. where darkness and secrecy abound.

MRI round 3# and other stuff

Ok, so my MRI was last week, and I probably should have posted earlier but well, you just missed out I guess.

Well they got it right finally and put me out with an IV drip. I did wake up inside the tube and quickly paniked. The nurse told me to wiggle my toes if I was in trouble and I was wiggling my little foot off. I knew that I couldn't move in the tube because of the test, but I also knew that I couldn't move because my mind was awake but my body was not. So I start taking huge panik breaths and begin to cry. Finally....it seemed like forever but it was probably only a few seconds...the nurse put her hand on my leg and asked if I was alright. I told her I was awake and couldn't handle it...so I am guessing that she gave me more drugs. But with the panic attack my oxygen rate went really low and I supposedly had to have an oxygen mask when I got out. About waking up, I guess that I am a little angry coming out of the drugs. I yelled at the guy who was taking me on a gurney to step-down recovery, but that was because he pulled on my IV, wouldn't let me take the oxygen out of my nose and wouldn't--the greatest injustice of all--let me lay on my stomach and just sleep. In step-down recovery the nurse annoyed me because she wouldn't let me go home, kept leaving the door open, and had stuck me in some easy chair thing to wake up in. I can't sleep sitting up, so I complained about that. Mr.3 tells me that I said a bunch of goofy stuff and was unusually mean to people...but it was amusing so I guess that it is all ok.

The next 24 hours was kinda fun as well. My parents were going to be staying the weekend and I had to clean the house...which was done with much stumbling around. I was in a hurry to finish sweeping and was running around with it. Mr.3 got in my way towards the kitchen and stopped me. I told him that I was racing the broom and that it won, which I thought was incredibly witty, but he just downgraded the comment to more drug induced haze. I couldn't drive on Saturday so we had to wait for my Mom to drive up from Price to pick us up and take us to the Rocket weekend. It was 1 by the time we got there, but we were definitely there in time to watch my Dad melt a rocket on the launch pad. He forgot to put the metal casing around the engine. So when they hit the igniter the nosecone blew off, the engine fired and then started to flame the fins, then the secondary shoot popped...it was priceless...and also the first time I have seen the fire extinguishers used out in the field.

The rest of the week was alright, I guess...even though I spent a bunch a time this weekend trying to get ahead of the homework, I seemed to have spent a large amount of time at work trying to finish various assignments. I think that if I print off everything that I am going to need for the next week tomorrow at work I should be fine. I would do it here, but we need more ink and Firefox has decided to stop spurning PDF's and my excel seems to be missing. I think that I might have a virus of some sort but I keep running checks to no avail. But currently the Utah/Air Force game is going on and the commentators won't just shut up and let me watch the game. The score is Utah 38, Air Force 28 with 2 minutes left in the 4th...I predict a Utah win. And CSI premired tonight, which we recorded because of the game, so the nice thing about this is a commerical free CSI.

Oh, and I should tell you about my IV bruise...it's fricking huge! 3 inches by 3 inches on my forearm...I took like I was beaten and even if I have my jacket on, somehow it still seems to show. The bruise has faded a bit, so now it looks like I have been bitten with some old ladies dentures. It still is a little sore to the touch but at least I don't have to go back for another MRI!

Ahhh! It's up!

Ok, so I am such a dork, but I am excited anyway. My first post on Global Voices is up and I am so excited I could just pee myself. (I won't because I am at work, but you get the idea) That and I have taken a new step in bravery as I used my real name.

MRI round 2

So no matter how many times I told the people that I needed to be fully sedated for the MRI they didn't listen to me.
When we got to the hospital last night their idea of "sedation" was to give me 2 valium. Even though I told them that Valium doesn't work for me and never has. But no...apparently I don't know anything about my body...and golly gee, who was right in this situation? Yep, that's right...me. Guess who still freaked out in the tube? Yep, that's right....me. Luckily the Radiologist on duty was incredibly sympathetic and was upset with her people when she saw in my file that I was in fact to be sedated....as in completely knocked out for the test. So now, I have another appointment for Friday morning....having to miss yet more work....but hopefully this time they will get it right and sedate me like they are supposed to.

Surprisingly to the hospital staff, even with 2 Valium in my system (which was supposed to make me really sleepy) I still managed to be quite livid. Idiots.

Watch it, with my luck this week, the jury duty call will be on Friday....ugh...I have to wait until 5 pm to call and find out about tomorrow....this annoys me as well.

The Straight Talk on my Health

Part of the reason why I have been so quiet this week, is that I have been having a bit of a health crisis. On Wednesday I had my long awaited appointment with the neuro-opthomalogist, Dr. Warner. As promised the appointment was over 3 hours long, and I had a bunch of interesting eye tests done (they also took pictures of my optic nerves which was pretty cool)...so the long and the short of it is that I have what I thought I have, which is a relapse of my psuedo tumor cerebri. The only preventative cure for this is permanent weight loss (which is what I did in 1997 when I was first diagnosed), the relapse was triggered by my recent I'm-so-happy-in-love-with-Mr3-weight gain. The good news really is that I went into the doctor sooner rather than later, and I can start working on things before the symptoms get too bad (headaches, migraines, dizziness...I could go blind---fun stuff all the way around). I have a follow-up appointment in December in which basically I was told, lose weight or get another spinal tap done...which is something that I cannot go through again. The first time was bad enough...a second time and I would definitely have a nervous breathdown. Last Friday I was supposed to get another MRI done. Now I have had one before, I wasn't sedated, and I did have a mild panic attack. So I thought that I could handle it. I couldn't. They hadn't even put me in all the way inside the tube before I completely lost it. I mean really lost it. I was crying hysterically and thought that I was going to die. I cried in the waiting room for 45 minutes after I got redressed. So I am going to go back in on Monday evening and have them sedate me. Honestly I have never been that scared (or claustraphobic) in my life before. Even typing about it now 2 days after the fact I start to shake. I think what is happening to me is that a lot of the baggage from the first dianogsis is hitting me again, but in a condensed form. The first time it took over 2 years, going to doctor after doctor, to get a dianogsis. I really don't know how I survived the last year of high school as I was having daily migraines. At one point in our oddesey I was told that I had a brain tumor, a brain aneurism, or absolutely nothing wrong with me. That is hard for an 18 year old to take, and even though I know what is wrong with me now, it is hitting this 26 year old much much harder than before.

Next month, I am supposed to go to California for my Grandpa's birthday party, and I decided today that I am not going. I can hardly handle my own stuff right now, a dying grandfather would be beyound my grasp. Yes, I know that it is selfish, but I do plan on going to visit him later in the year, after the semester ends, so that I can have some quality time with him and introduce him to Mr.3. I was sad when I told my mom this, but she understands. Grandpa will just have to as well.

So now you know...you know that I am a nutcase who can't handle things that I should be able too...you know that I am a selfish person who prioritizes family events by her own level of emotional stabilty...and you know that you are perhaps getting the most honest protrayal of my mental state at the moment. I would like to say that I feel bad about California, but I feel really relieved. I only hope that I can hold it together for tomorrow. One day at a time, baby steps....

Girlfriends points....

This was a post that I had intended to post last weekend.

So Mr.3 loves college football and wanted to get the ESPN gameplan for all of the college bowl games, so we got it. I ,on the other hand, did not know anything about football except that tounchdowns are good. So in an effort of trying to be more connected to my love I learned about football, and for the past 2 weekends I have watched and cheered for many games. Today, I felt quite triumpant when I was able to accurately yell "that was offsides!" and "where is the penalty flag?!" Over the course of this week I have talked to many people about football, and all the guys look at me in awe at the fact that I bothered to learn about football. I have been told by Mr.3 that I have earned major girlfriend points (although I am not sure what the redemption scale is for them ;) ). The funny thing is that when I mention football to girls they all freak out and say that they can't stand it. Which is silly. Football isn't that bad. You need to learn to find some of the fun things in it....watching some of those linebakers knock people down like they are wibbly-wobblys is quite fun. Plus, it is an excellent time to cuddle and half-time is great for general making out. You don't have to dress nice, just lounge around the house in your PJs. All that really matters is that by taking the extra time to learn about something new (and you might find that you like it) and you end up connecting deeper with your man.

Last Monday was the opening of Florida State's football (Mr.3 is a huge fan) and I spent most of the day cleaning to get ready for our guests (we had ribs and chicken wings and a bunch of other stuff). Anyway, we had bought a 'best of the 80's CD' the other day at Costco and I had yet to listen to it. Unfortuately, the music sent me back in time to a 80's film cleaning montage. The worst was mopping the floor and listening to "Walking on Sunshine", "Dancing with Myself" and "We got the beat", suddenly I felt like all I needed was to start a carwash for charity and have some zany goofy character get hit in the face with a sponge. Yeah, it was that kind of a weekend....I only wish that I could say that the following week could have been the same.

WTF is up with New Orleans

Katrina was awful and it is a huge disaster and the people affected really DO need to get help.

But the hell is up with the people there? Rapes and murders IN THE ASTRODOME! Your grandmother dies in her wheelchair and you throw a sheet over her and walk away? I understand that you would be in a crisis situation, but come on? Where is the human element? Shooting at the very helicopters that are coming to rescue you? What purpose does that do? And on the news they say that it is only a few loonies who are causing the problem....a few....no I think that there are much much more than that...

And all of the bad stuff you are hearing is from the people in New Orleans....which has generations of people on the welfare system, people who are content to stay poor (well, they make more than I do) and use the system for all that they can...they feel entitled to everything....there is no patience, only demands. The tourists trapped there seem to be the only sane ones, they are trying to help others, and be patient with the authorities, but they are scared to death of the locals because the locals are praying on them. And the looting....what the hell do you need a bunch of Nikes for if you have nothing else?

The situation is just sad...and embarassing....
If you look at the rhetoric that came from the President around 9/11, you heard alot about Americans pulling together and being stronger in a crisis..etc..etc..etc... But you aren't hearing this with Hurricane Katrina. I think the reason why is because of the lawless element in New Orleans (the murder capital of the US by the way), it is embarassing to say that Americans are good people if all of America acted like those in New Orleans.

I am not saying that there are not good people in New Orleans, there are. And there are many many people who are doing some wonderful things there....but it is the people that are causing the violence, the ones swarming the TV cameras for a chance at their 15 minutes of complaining to a national audience. Honestly, why is it that the doctors need to have bodyguards accompanying them to do their work? I mean really, what does that say about the society there if they are attacking the people who are trying to help them?

The President said today that the relief effort was not enough there, which might partly be true, but since you have thousands of people who aren't even willing to help themselves, how can the relief effort go well? I think that if this hit Texas, or Mississippi harder, or Florida, even Alabama harder, I think that the relief effort would have been able to progress much faster by this time because the people wouldn't be acting like those in New Orleans.

The prime example, is one of the news crews talking to a guy looting (not for food, but high label team jerseys and Nike shoes) asking him why he was doing it, he said, "well if you oppress people enough they are going to rebel"...DOES THIS GUY NOT KNOW THAT THERE IS A NATURAL DISASTER GOING ON!!!! What planet is he from, a hurricane has nothing to do with "oppressing the people", he is just another person there who is trying to take advantage of a situation.